5 minutes to rant

yesterday i got married. supposedly i was to go back to work in the afternoon, but i didn't. so now this.

wednesdauy deadline, three scripts. tuesday na ngayon. nasa 1st script pa lang ako, at minumura ko na ang sarili ko. revision supposedly pero structural ang pagbabago kaya parang rewrite na rin. tanginaaaaaa. wala lang. tumatawad ako sa ep pero di na daw talaga kaya. hanggang thu na lang ng umaga ang lahat.

pagkatapos, may nagtext. may meeting daw with bossings tomorrow. hindi pwedeng wala ka don. okay. sumakit bigla ang ulo ko. dahil sa wednesday deadline at thursday deadline at sa oras na mawawala pagpunta ko sa office bukas para sa meeting. pero sige go lang. magdadasal na lang. lord tulungan nyo ko please. lord please. please, please, please.

im hardly in the right condition to work like a mule these days. maigsi ang battery life ko dahil sa baby. gusto ko tulog nang tulog, madaling pabagod. and may mga moments talaga na sa sobrang pressure gusto ko na lang itulog ang lahat.

eto yung nabasa ko sa horoscope ni susan miller for august. times like these kelangang baguhin ang sistema sa pagtatrabaho. kaya kukuha ako ng pwedeng tumulong. hindi structural ang gagawin kong revision for this 1st script. bahala na. lord, bahala na kayo. naiiyak na ko. seriously.

NAIIYAK NA KO!

i was pissed and pouting

but the truth is i really really miss you. of course that's something that you wouldn't hear from me right now.

naiyak ako dito...

i did not plan to get pregnant, but when i found out, not once did i seriously consider abortion an option. pero naiyak pa rin ako dito, lalo na sa letter na kalakip ng picture. if it indeed is true, that the babies in our wombs do feel what we feel, i feel guilty for a lot of things. for not always being happy for her. for sometimes wishing that i had had this pregnancy in 2011. for resenting the fact that i had to sacrifice so many habits and so many things because of the baby. for ingesting stuff that i know might not be good for her (coffee. softdrinks. the occasional red wine. pero yosi hindi ko talaga kaya...kahit patay na patay na kong makapagyosi).

nang matapos ko tong basahin, naloka ako. for the first time, i was so overwhelmed by my love for this child, naiyak lang talaga ko.

taena. help me god, i'm so stressed. di ko alam kung kaya kong maabot ang deadline na waring isang pangarap lang. baby, help mo si mommy.

STRESSED OUT

i want a beautiful, happy family. and a love that lasts forever. above everything else, those comprise my One Great Dream.

got work to do. step up, girl. work harder. got to pull this through with flying colors if you know what's good for you.

try again by keane

I fell asleep on a late night train
I missed my stop and I went round again
Why would I want to see you now?
To fix it up, make it up somehow

Baby I'll try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

What I was isn't what I am
I'd change back but I don't know if I can

Still I'll try, try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time

But I was made the way I am
I'm not a stone; I'm just a man
Lay down your arms and I will lay down mine
Rip back the time that we've been wasting

God I wish you could see me now
You'd pick me up and you'd sort me out

Still I'll try, try again, try again
Baby I die every night, every time