it's not what you say but how you say it. and whoever's around to hear it.

you know what i hate the most? bitches. lalo na kung nagbibitch ka sa akin nang hindi naman ako ang may kasalanan...at virtually sa harap pa ng mga diyos. 

it's not what you say but how you say it. just because feeling mo may K ka pwede mo na kaming pagsalitaan na parang wala kaming nararamdaman. pressured na nga kami dadagdagan mo pa. palibhasa hindi mo alam pakiramdam, at wala ka rin namang pakialam.

nakakadiskaril kapag may bumato ng pebble sa pinagkakatingat-ingatan mong placid waters. lilipad lahat ng mga ibon. mawawala ka sa hulog. kng lahat lang ng tao kayang magpractice ng tact at hindi mamamhiya, siguro mas magiging masaya ang mundo. mas kakayanin ko ang pagod ng katawan at isip pero mahirap indahin ang sama ng loob. paminsan minsan na lang kasi ako maka-encounter ng mga nambabalahura sa akin kaya pag may natisod akong isa, iniinda ko talaga. 

lima na lang. maibabato ko na ito sa virtual kalangitan. bubuga lang ng kaunti, then back to the spinning mills again. kailangan lang maglabas ng sama ng loob sandali. 

rainy may night

baby bonding weekend. mutual fund day yesterday. finally, nakapag-invest na ako sa dalawang mutual funds na matagal-tagal ko na ring pinagpaplanuhang pasukin. that makes 4 mutual funds all in all, distributed among 2 equities, a bond, and a balanced fund. invested 25% of my total savings as of late. happy, but hungry to grow what i've put in. dangerously obsessed with monitoring their progress day by day. nakakaadik pala. lord, sana po hindi ako kainin ng obsession ko for material wealth. haha!


on the positive side, maganda naman ang maadik sa mutual funds at growing money. kesa maadik sa paggagasta ng pera sa mga bagay na nagdedevaluate naman in time. ilang taon nang uso ang blackberries, I-phones, and i-PADS pero hard-core stick-to-basic-cellphone pa rin ako. mas mabuti nang ilagak yung ibibili ko ng phone sa ibang investments na hindi magdedepreciate ang value overtime.


toxic at work. tatlong scripts to go. lord, iraos nyo kami. thank you for the work. will bite the bullet. let's go! para pag natapos ang things to do, more time to do the things i really enjoy doing. not that i don't enjoy writing, but, heck, it's still work. and deadlines are a killer. still, lucky pa rin ako. na may measure of happiness naman akong nakukuha sa trabaho ko.


i am beautiful. i am loved. i will never forget that. heehoo! :-P


sana matapos kami agad sa treatment. sana, sana. three more scripts to go! let's gooo!

under the weather on a work-day easter

random shwandom.

woke up on the wrong side of the bed after having gone to bed at 4 am. went about the day like an open wound. sensitive about the littlest things. dragging my normally-lark-like self around.

our daughter has created a lark out of me. she's my alarm clock every morning at 6 am. kaya pagdating ng 1am, nagshashutdown na ako. nagla-lag na ang makina. yun lang ang problema, pag 1am nasa trabaho ka pa. lord, give me energy. endless energy.

visita iglesia last maunday thursday with my beloved bosobear. a prayer for every church stop. 5 minutes, lord. everyday. i know that what you ask. my biggest prayer will always be a prayer of thanks. thank you. thank you.

what i want right now:
1) our own house and lot. our own.
2) good profits from my mf investments.
3) more money for more mf investments.
4) a menthol yosi.
5) mind speed.
6) longer stamina
7) higher energy
8) more enthusiasm and inspiration for what i do.
9) more money. millions of pesos.
10) to get rid of varicose veins. pregnancy did this to me. years of production work did this to me. and the vain beeyatch in me is whining foul. how do i get rid of these things and prevent more from appearing!?!
10) the happy company of my babygirl and bosobear. but now's not the time. work first, happy family time after.

thank god, for my family. my job. my life. despite life's little glitches, despite under-the-weather days like these, every day is something to thank you for.

numbers numbers

10pm, 38 sequences to go. 12 noon deadline tomorrow.
sakit na ng likod kowwww.

lord, hindi po ako nagrereklamo. naghihinga lang. masaya po ako sa buhay ko, at nagpapasalamat sa mga blessings ninyo. pero sa mga panahong ito...balakid sa untainted happiness ang deadline.

tatlong araw lang ito. paano pa kayo kung lima na.
saan ba makakabili ng speed? ng hyper-energy? ng megasuperultra sharp concentrating powers? gagastusin ko ang isang taong sweldo para lang makabili ng lifetime's supply.

paano kaya nagagawa ng iba? nang hindi nagsasuffer ang ganda? sana, makaya ko rin. kung hindi ngayon, bukas. kung hindi bukas, someday. sa next script na isusulat ko. kung hindi sa next script, sa second next. kung hindi pa rin, sige, kahit sa next show na.

paano kaya nila nagagawa yon? or am i relly just wired this way, and will be wired this way for the rest of my writer's life?

lord, pray po ako sa inyo. thank you for everything...pero isang request po. sana po, bigyan nyo ako ng paunti-unting extra bilis at extra galing...kahit isang gasino isang taon...okay na rin. at least nadadagdagan. :-)

everyday is a day to thank god for...

especially when i remember this point in my life. being transported back to those days, napapausal ako ng pasasalamat. i thank god, for giving the chance to make a decision, 4 years ago. i thank god, for shining a beam of hope on me during those dark, lost, limbo-esque days in 2008.

reading back, i realize now just how painful it all was, writing the experiences with fresh ink and fresh memories. to say that i was miserable was an understatement. i was working on a project that i loathed but had to see through completion, i was counting the days, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. kung hindi ako nagquit sa trabahong iyon, baka ikamatay ko pa.

natapos ang project. relief. joy. then came the realization. i wanted out, but i didn't know where to go. i had nowhere to go. i was 28, feeling lost and directionless, still in mourning over the death of a dream that i had nurtured for the most of my youth. i turned to prayers for hope. praying everyday, for him to lead me sa direksyon na gusto nya para sa akin.

and then, a text came. from a friend, with a door of opportunity. she was god's answer to my prayers. a beam of hope shone upon me. i gave it a try...full of hope yet full of fear...knocked on the door, expecting the best and the worst. and when a friendly face greeted me at the door, i felt relief course through me. i sat through the meeting, gave it my best shot...and the rest was happy history.

thank you, lord. hindi ko maaappreciate ang liwanag kung hindi ko naranasan ang dilim. thank you, thank you. kuntento na po ako sa ganitong lebel ng kasiyahan habambuhay, i'm happy enough with what you've given me. i only pray that i'd never have to go through dark times like 2008 ever again.