there must be a hole in the wall. either i have to drill it, or climb up to the top. basta dapat, makaalis ako sa letseng cul de sac na 'to.
motivation. dati, ano? fame? glory? advancement? a pat on the back?
ngayon, di na nagwowork yon sa akin. di ko alam kung bakit.
money. money, money.
kulang pa. kulang.
so thats the reason why i need to haul myself out of this cul de sac. because there's money on the other side of the wall.
drill it, bitch.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
And the mistress is on a roll
while the "wife" is away...you know what they say.
kaya habang may free time pa in between script drafts, laro-laro muna ako with our little cookie-making business.
apparently, hindi ko na sya mabitawan. dahil pati husband kong si osobear, involved na sa "affair" na ito.
habang dumadami ang mga orders, lalo lang kaming naiinlove sa kanya. and i couldn't help fantasizing that someday, who knows...maybe the mistress could someday be my wife. someday. pero siguro, medyo matagal pang someday yon.
then again. who knows?
ngayon, tatlong standing orders for the month of march. nakapila ang mga nagpapagawa ng samples (samples really help close deals!). at kung matutuloy lahat yun, meron na kaming orders for april, may, and september :-)
kakaiba yung thrill. thank you lord. sana magtuluy-tuloy na. kahit kumakain ng oras sa araw at gabi, kahit imbes na matulog, makipagbonding, o maglamyerda eh nagbebake kami...okay lang. ganyan daw talaga pag nagsisimula ng negosyo. parang pagpapalaki ng anak. pagpupuyatan mo, pagtutuunan mo ng oras at atensyon habang nagsisimula mo pa lang syang mabuhay.
maraming salamat po uli, lord. sana po, mapagsabay ko ang relationships ko with the wife and the mistress. sana po maperfect ko ang time management at magkaroon din ng time for the mistress nang mas marami-rami.
Time, not money, is the most precious commodity on earth.
kaya habang may free time pa in between script drafts, laro-laro muna ako with our little cookie-making business.
apparently, hindi ko na sya mabitawan. dahil pati husband kong si osobear, involved na sa "affair" na ito.
habang dumadami ang mga orders, lalo lang kaming naiinlove sa kanya. and i couldn't help fantasizing that someday, who knows...maybe the mistress could someday be my wife. someday. pero siguro, medyo matagal pang someday yon.
then again. who knows?
ngayon, tatlong standing orders for the month of march. nakapila ang mga nagpapagawa ng samples (samples really help close deals!). at kung matutuloy lahat yun, meron na kaming orders for april, may, and september :-)
kakaiba yung thrill. thank you lord. sana magtuluy-tuloy na. kahit kumakain ng oras sa araw at gabi, kahit imbes na matulog, makipagbonding, o maglamyerda eh nagbebake kami...okay lang. ganyan daw talaga pag nagsisimula ng negosyo. parang pagpapalaki ng anak. pagpupuyatan mo, pagtutuunan mo ng oras at atensyon habang nagsisimula mo pa lang syang mabuhay.
maraming salamat po uli, lord. sana po, mapagsabay ko ang relationships ko with the wife and the mistress. sana po maperfect ko ang time management at magkaroon din ng time for the mistress nang mas marami-rami.
Time, not money, is the most precious commodity on earth.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
mahal kita pero kailangan ko siya
there are writers, and there is me.
i don't think i was born a writer. i don't write during my free time (except here-- and even writing here minsan kinakatamaran ko pa). i'm not by nature brimming with story ideas that i ache to realize on paper/phosphorus screen.
i used to be that. i used to be in love. with stories. with writing. at 15, i wrote to escape from boring chemistry lectures. i used to read a lot, and there was a longing in me--- to write the kind of stories that i myself would want to read.
but now? i hardly read anymore. the longing is no longer there (i don't know if the passion for reading and the passion for writing are correlated) but i have to keep on writing, because by profession, i'm a writer. i am paid to create stories. to realize them on paper. i have a job that i used to fantasize about, at 16. i had dreamed of having this when i was young.
but now it's so hard. so hard for me. dahil nawawala ang puso ko. natuon na yata sa iba ang pagmamahal ko. while i write, i fantasize about my oven. about the orders that are waiting in line. the samples i have to make as soon as i'm done with my real job. what keeps me awake are not ideas for stories. but ideas for cookie designs.
it's ridiculous. maybe this will pass. maybe i just need to go back to why i fell in love with writing, at 15. why this had become my One Great Dream, a long time ago. i'm living a childhood Dream. so what's wrong with me?
deadline in 4 days. ni hindi pa nakakaalis sa laot ang barko. lumilipad ang isip ko. :-(
i don't think i was born a writer. i don't write during my free time (except here-- and even writing here minsan kinakatamaran ko pa). i'm not by nature brimming with story ideas that i ache to realize on paper/phosphorus screen.
i used to be that. i used to be in love. with stories. with writing. at 15, i wrote to escape from boring chemistry lectures. i used to read a lot, and there was a longing in me--- to write the kind of stories that i myself would want to read.
but now? i hardly read anymore. the longing is no longer there (i don't know if the passion for reading and the passion for writing are correlated) but i have to keep on writing, because by profession, i'm a writer. i am paid to create stories. to realize them on paper. i have a job that i used to fantasize about, at 16. i had dreamed of having this when i was young.
but now it's so hard. so hard for me. dahil nawawala ang puso ko. natuon na yata sa iba ang pagmamahal ko. while i write, i fantasize about my oven. about the orders that are waiting in line. the samples i have to make as soon as i'm done with my real job. what keeps me awake are not ideas for stories. but ideas for cookie designs.
it's ridiculous. maybe this will pass. maybe i just need to go back to why i fell in love with writing, at 15. why this had become my One Great Dream, a long time ago. i'm living a childhood Dream. so what's wrong with me?
deadline in 4 days. ni hindi pa nakakaalis sa laot ang barko. lumilipad ang isip ko. :-(
Friday, December 12, 2014
new passion
again.
and up until last night, i had visions of turning it into a real business.
and then that moment came, while i was mixing my Nth batch of Royal Icing at 4am. my husband was flooding icing on 50 cookies, one by one. we'd been laboring over cookies in the wee hours for the Nth straight night. this used to be fun, but at that moment, napatanong ako sa sarili ko---magkano nga ba ang kikitain namin dito? kulang pa sa gagastusin ko for operation balik alindog, bilang ang haggard haggard na ng itsura ko dahil sa kakapuyat!
yes i've found a new passion. pero kung yumaman ang intention ko, parang hindi ito ang papunta doon. nakakapagod masyado. kumakain ng araw at gabi. if i want money, i'd stick to my real job (and goddamn focus, bitch!) and on the side, keep looking for better business ideas. obviously, hindi ako yayaman sa pagdedecorate ng cookies. God knows i'm obsessed with it at the moment, pero no. hindi sya pwedeng negosyo. mauubos lang sa operation balik alindog ang barya-baryang kikitain namin!
nakakalungkot lang. kasi naaenjoy ko talaga sya. pero hindi practical. kesa magslave away ako sa kusina, mas mabuti pa manood na lang ako ng TV. bilang nasa TV ang totoong trabaho ko, mas makakatulong pa yun sa kabuhayan. doon ang totoong daan patungo sa pagyaman.
most used keyword: "pagyaman". di naman halatang obsessed ano?
haha.
love vs money. in this case, parang hindi masyadong makukuha ang pareho. swerte ka na lang talaga kung true love mo yung trabahong bumubuhay sa yo.
on that note, here are snippets of my love children from this newest "affair" (na involved ang mister ko, by the way. menage a trois? LOL!)
and up until last night, i had visions of turning it into a real business.
and then that moment came, while i was mixing my Nth batch of Royal Icing at 4am. my husband was flooding icing on 50 cookies, one by one. we'd been laboring over cookies in the wee hours for the Nth straight night. this used to be fun, but at that moment, napatanong ako sa sarili ko---magkano nga ba ang kikitain namin dito? kulang pa sa gagastusin ko for operation balik alindog, bilang ang haggard haggard na ng itsura ko dahil sa kakapuyat!
yes i've found a new passion. pero kung yumaman ang intention ko, parang hindi ito ang papunta doon. nakakapagod masyado. kumakain ng araw at gabi. if i want money, i'd stick to my real job (and goddamn focus, bitch!) and on the side, keep looking for better business ideas. obviously, hindi ako yayaman sa pagdedecorate ng cookies. God knows i'm obsessed with it at the moment, pero no. hindi sya pwedeng negosyo. mauubos lang sa operation balik alindog ang barya-baryang kikitain namin!
nakakalungkot lang. kasi naaenjoy ko talaga sya. pero hindi practical. kesa magslave away ako sa kusina, mas mabuti pa manood na lang ako ng TV. bilang nasa TV ang totoong trabaho ko, mas makakatulong pa yun sa kabuhayan. doon ang totoong daan patungo sa pagyaman.
most used keyword: "pagyaman". di naman halatang obsessed ano?
haha.
love vs money. in this case, parang hindi masyadong makukuha ang pareho. swerte ka na lang talaga kung true love mo yung trabahong bumubuhay sa yo.
on that note, here are snippets of my love children from this newest "affair" (na involved ang mister ko, by the way. menage a trois? LOL!)
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
november high
haven't posted in a loooong time. life got in the way.
anyway, what a day! just had to write about it.
a day in the life of a multi-tasking beeyatch:
10 am.
woke up. made morning coffee for the hubby (or i may have not. sometimes i do, sometimes i forget. either way, he doesn't complain. thank god for a low-maintenance husband).
almost immediately hopped in front of my laptop to rush-finish a 1-day script for a special project. not in my best element, but hell. who knows, maybe i haven't been in a while. the fire needs fuel. lots.
5 pm.
met a client near EDSA. happy. making money always makes me happy these days. in that aspect, i'm fueled. i want to be financially free as soon as possible.
530 pm.
went home, prepared another order for another client i was due to meet at a nearby mall later.
730 pm.
zumba class. hoo-ha. thanks to my friend monj, i'm trying to maintain this gym/zumba thing as much as i can. it really does help having a gym buddy. the scale says i'm 130 lbs (GASP. i'm officially a lumpy housewife-- oh wait, i HAVE been that for over a year now). umaasa pa rin na makabalik sa 105.3-pound self ko. okay, fine...pwede na ang 110. i just want to be able to wear my old clothes again!!!!!
830 pm.
picked up a few things in the supermarket. i don't know why but i really like grocery shopping. siguro kasi, mahilig akong magluto. i certainly enjoy grocery shopping more than shopping for something to wear. yeah, that's how boring and housewife-y i have become. ang hassle kasing magsusukat. sa grocery, you pick them up, put them in your cart, and pay. easy breezy.
930 pm.
met client #2. thank you lord, for the opportunity to earn extra. i'm saving up for something. actually, a lot of things. but one big something that i really, really hope we can have in 2 years or less.
10 pm.
home. made salad for dinner. yes, late dinner. bad for a dieter, i know. pero salad naman, kaya pinagbigyan ko na ang sarili ko.
fave salad of the moment: chicken and salted egg salad. uber sarap. lately, nagiging fan ako ng salads. vinegar and salt lang ang dressing, egg heavy, onions on top. i get hungry just writing about it!
11 pm.
done with dinner. and my night has only just begun. :-)
i don't really have a baking business, pero may raket ako. 80 pieces of decorated cookies for a christening event. deadline on friday afternoon.
this could have stressed me, but it didn't. cause i have time on my hands, and i absolutely LOVE decorating cookies. so decorate and bake cookies i did all night long. before i knew it, it was 4 am!
kapag mahal mo ang isang bagay na ginagawa mo--- or at least, excited ka about it--- hindi mo namamalayan ang oras. hindi mo nararamdaman ang pagod. you just get so engrossed in it, everything else fades in the background. ganoon ako dati, sa mga certain things na minahal ko sa buhay ko. kapag nagshushoot ako noon, o nageedit, nakakalimutan kong kumain. kapag nagsusulat ako ng isang script na sobrang excited ako about, ganoon din.
so now, cookie decorating is my official new flame. i get excited just thinking of the endless possibilities and the countless designs i want to create on those cookies.
4 am.
writing this blog. in a few hours, magigising na ang mga tao.
today will be baking day again. and probably puzzle-building day with the babygirl. (my babygirl is on longer a baby. she's 4, already a little lady. <3).
and hopefully, i will find the time to go to zumba class later.
ang sarap ng buhay kapag work-free days. so many things to do when the work-to-do is done. thank you lord, for free days.
so there. i've become so boring, i yawn at my own self. wala na yung angst that used to pepper my posts a long time ago. oh well, i'd take a boring but happy life over an interesting but turbulent one any DAMN OLD TIME.
TYL!! (thank you lord!)
P.S.
my other new interest--- stocks. just a passive investor. looking to invest long-term. sana swertehin. sana kumita ng limpak limpak on stocks alone! financial freedom, BE MINE!
anyway, what a day! just had to write about it.
a day in the life of a multi-tasking beeyatch:
10 am.
woke up. made morning coffee for the hubby (or i may have not. sometimes i do, sometimes i forget. either way, he doesn't complain. thank god for a low-maintenance husband).
almost immediately hopped in front of my laptop to rush-finish a 1-day script for a special project. not in my best element, but hell. who knows, maybe i haven't been in a while. the fire needs fuel. lots.
5 pm.
met a client near EDSA. happy. making money always makes me happy these days. in that aspect, i'm fueled. i want to be financially free as soon as possible.
530 pm.
went home, prepared another order for another client i was due to meet at a nearby mall later.
730 pm.
zumba class. hoo-ha. thanks to my friend monj, i'm trying to maintain this gym/zumba thing as much as i can. it really does help having a gym buddy. the scale says i'm 130 lbs (GASP. i'm officially a lumpy housewife-- oh wait, i HAVE been that for over a year now). umaasa pa rin na makabalik sa 105.3-pound self ko. okay, fine...pwede na ang 110. i just want to be able to wear my old clothes again!!!!!
830 pm.
picked up a few things in the supermarket. i don't know why but i really like grocery shopping. siguro kasi, mahilig akong magluto. i certainly enjoy grocery shopping more than shopping for something to wear. yeah, that's how boring and housewife-y i have become. ang hassle kasing magsusukat. sa grocery, you pick them up, put them in your cart, and pay. easy breezy.
930 pm.
met client #2. thank you lord, for the opportunity to earn extra. i'm saving up for something. actually, a lot of things. but one big something that i really, really hope we can have in 2 years or less.
10 pm.
home. made salad for dinner. yes, late dinner. bad for a dieter, i know. pero salad naman, kaya pinagbigyan ko na ang sarili ko.
fave salad of the moment: chicken and salted egg salad. uber sarap. lately, nagiging fan ako ng salads. vinegar and salt lang ang dressing, egg heavy, onions on top. i get hungry just writing about it!
11 pm.
done with dinner. and my night has only just begun. :-)
i don't really have a baking business, pero may raket ako. 80 pieces of decorated cookies for a christening event. deadline on friday afternoon.
this could have stressed me, but it didn't. cause i have time on my hands, and i absolutely LOVE decorating cookies. so decorate and bake cookies i did all night long. before i knew it, it was 4 am!
kapag mahal mo ang isang bagay na ginagawa mo--- or at least, excited ka about it--- hindi mo namamalayan ang oras. hindi mo nararamdaman ang pagod. you just get so engrossed in it, everything else fades in the background. ganoon ako dati, sa mga certain things na minahal ko sa buhay ko. kapag nagshushoot ako noon, o nageedit, nakakalimutan kong kumain. kapag nagsusulat ako ng isang script na sobrang excited ako about, ganoon din.
so now, cookie decorating is my official new flame. i get excited just thinking of the endless possibilities and the countless designs i want to create on those cookies.
4 am.
writing this blog. in a few hours, magigising na ang mga tao.
today will be baking day again. and probably puzzle-building day with the babygirl. (my babygirl is on longer a baby. she's 4, already a little lady. <3).
and hopefully, i will find the time to go to zumba class later.
ang sarap ng buhay kapag work-free days. so many things to do when the work-to-do is done. thank you lord, for free days.
so there. i've become so boring, i yawn at my own self. wala na yung angst that used to pepper my posts a long time ago. oh well, i'd take a boring but happy life over an interesting but turbulent one any DAMN OLD TIME.
TYL!! (thank you lord!)
P.S.
my other new interest--- stocks. just a passive investor. looking to invest long-term. sana swertehin. sana kumita ng limpak limpak on stocks alone! financial freedom, BE MINE!
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