drizzly, last-day-in-july morning. i wonder if the shoot would be packed up tonight.
i stumbled upon something among the files in my laptop. a bin that i haven't opened in quite a while. it contained scripts from the kilig show of a year ago--has it been that long?--the stuff that i used to churn out in great haste in the middle of the night, with the invaluable help of extra joss, coffee, and cigarettes. mehn, those days were toxic. buti buhay pa ko ngayon.
re-reading those scripts again, dare i say that the stuff we've come up with-- regardless of the genre (kilig) and the medium (tv! deadlines are a killer) that it was created for--weren't half so bad. syempre pag anak mo, kahit ano pang kinalabasan, anak mo pa rin. lalo na pag labor of love.
love, as in, the literal kind. aww.
kalokohan, but at that time it was real, and sometimes consuming. it broke me at times but at times it also saved me. love is therapy, especially when there are deadlines to meet. and re-reading those scripts again, bigla kong naalala lahat ng memories na-associate ko with that time. especially the happy ones, concerning that person. amidst the familiar faces that had populated that world that face will always be remembered in glowing, neon pink light.
hehe. neon pink pa talaga.
a year might seem fast but a year can change a lot of things. even our perception of other people. i've been through a series of recoveries and relapses with regards to my feelings for this person, but now he's no longer thought about as much as befure. still i'd want to preserve my memory of him one year ago, when he was still immaculate to me. when he was still the Ideal, the One Who Got Away in an Alternate Universe, and all that s---t. sayang naman yung memory kung pababayaan ko lang masapawan ng mas realistic at mas grounded ng perception ko sa kanya ngayon. after all, ilang tao nga lang ba sa mundong 'to ang mami-meet ko na makakapag-provide ng ganong ilusyon? ilang tao lang ba sa lifetime na to ang may ganon na ganong itsura, kilos, personality, boses, at sense of humor?
eh ganon talaga e. may kanya-kanya lang talaga tayong perceptions of beauty. at kahit na ilusyon lang ang nakita ko noon, ok na yon para baunin sa future. emergency kit kumbaga, in times of stress and distress. ibang tao na yung nakilala ko noon sa taong kilala ko ngayon, pero hindi naman sya nagbago. he still looks the same (if not better), sounds the same, still makes me laugh. safe pa rin ang ilusyon, dahil naka-time capsule na sya.
kahit ang realidad ngayon eh may boyfriend na sya, at mas pechay pa sya kesa sa kin. at ilang beses na rin nya kong pabirong sinasabihan ng "gaga!".
hihi. hay, gaga talaga.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
whirlwind july
things i've decided to set aside for (a little) later in favor of writing this entry:
1. revised treatment of the music video for the editor's reference
2. list of insert cellphone shots for the feature-length movie's last shooting day.
there are only two items on the list but they're urgent and might take some time to finish. eh wala e. mas gusto ko pang kausapin ang sarili ko kesa magtrabaho. hahaha.
the whirlwind hasn't waned since last week. attended the cinemalaya awards night (Gee-Gee at Waterina didn't win--two answered prayers in one day would be too good to be true. buti nga pinack-up na ni lord ang shoot ko that day at nakakain ako ng multi-colored kropek at mayo sandwich from the post-awards pa-meryenda ng cinemalaya that night). congratulations to "Kwarto" and "Orasyon" for winning Special Jury Prize and Best Short Film, respectively. next year, mag-feature length na tayong lahat!
in a way natutuwa rin ako dahil marami rin namang natuwa sa aming hamak na kabaklaan of a pelikula. unsurprisingly, karamihan sa mga yon ay mga badings themselves. hehe. pasok sa banga, mga sisters! naiyak pa nga yata itong si ruel na kaibigan ng aking fellow fag-hag na si waterfowl, marahil ay dahil naka-relate sya sa pinoproblema ni Waterina ("pag namatay ako, ibalot nyo na lang ako sa banig, request ko lang lagyan nyo ng ribbon"), at ang roommate nyang si jobert, who went with us at the last screening of the film, humahagikgik althroughout the movie, kahit sa mga parts na walang punchline (anubayun? di kaya tinatawanan nya ang pelikula? hahaha).
so i came to the awards night, nurturing hopes (hehe. sorry di ko maiwasan), but not expecting anything. masaya na ko sa naging feedback. nung isa-isa kaming tinawag sa stage (all short film finalists) para bigyan ng certificate of recognition, dun ako naloka. it was butch perez, the head of the screening committee (and director of Mumbaki, that Igorot film of the mid-90s), who was giving out the certificates, and when my turn came, he whispered to my ear: "Yours was the best."
shet! that made me smile. really. sabi ko sa sarili ko, will keep this a secret from writer/co-parent Dennis until after the ceremonies are over. para in case hindi kami manalo, may consolation prize ako para sa kanya.
pero ang bruha, narinig pala. sayang. akala ko pa naman matutuwa sya pag sinabi ko. it was really good working with Dennis. he's one of the stablest persons i've ever known. the best producer/production manager, not to mention a very witty writer. dennis, sana makagawa pa tayo ng iba. sana rin makapunta tayo abroad kasama sina GeeGee at Waterina.
haha! sige mangarap tayo. a lot of good things that actually happen begin with dreams.
* * *
i finished this film with a slightly unhealthy ounce of disappointment. a lot of things had worked against us while we were making it, but a lot of things had worked in favor of us as well. if i were to go back to Day 1, i would have changed and tweaked a few more things, but truth remains that this is ours, perceived imperfections and all. our baby. pag anak mo, kahit ano pang kinalabasan, anak mo pa rin.
kaya go pa rin kami. you make films for people to see it, and the more people who will see it, the closer you will be to fulfilling your goal.
* * *
the next day i went to work on the set of the Angel L-Dennis T starrer, and was surprised to know that Paul Daza, the film's writer, had seen and liked Gee-Gee at Waterina. liked it enough, he said, that he was willing to buy a copy of the film for P100! haha! wee! we'll take the offer, sir paul. we'll be needing the money.
three days before i'd seen him at the ccp and invited him to watch the film. in the four years i'd been working in the mainstream film industry i'd always made it a point to separate work from my labors-of-love. siguro wrong move, kasi pwede ring gamiting resume ang labors-of-love para makakuha ng work, but it's easier for me to concentrate on the work that way.
pera, pera. not to mention experience. working for the mainstream brings a lot of good, but moments come when you just want to go on and make you own film. kaso kung hindi ka naman mayaman at hindi ka rin anak ng mayaman, being a laborer in films is the best compromise. i get to work around directors, get to work in the field i want to spend the rest of my life in, and earn money as well. tv has its own glamor, not to mention more moolah, but it's too wayward from the dream, too far from the
career trajectory i want to take.
although pag ala na talagang pera, aiming for another job in tv might solve the problem. haha. bwisit lang kasi talaga yang mga deadlines.
* * *
tuesday and wednesday last week, we shot scenes for the angel-dennis movie all night in the cogeo highlands. amidst wind and rain. packup time was always at sunrise. thursday morning i went home, napped for two or three hours, then went straight to the set of the Yasmi@n Kurd1 music video.
now that was fun. ngaragan din, but i get a different kind of rush with these things. kahit pagod, para kong tinuturukan ng formulang pinaghalog extra-joss, kape, at energizer battery fluid. go go go pa rin, kahit lupaypay na kaming lahat (pati ang mga puntod at fake branches na sinetup ng art department sa set). barkadahan ang staff, the same people i've worked with since my college days: el1 b@lce as director of photography (fresh from his "D0ns0l" Cin@malaya win...di na ma-reach!), j0y puntawe as production designer (panalo talaga ang ubeng baka...the mainstream people don't know what they're missing), g@vin herrera (aba, hindi kami um-over sa prod budget! mahusay sa baratan ang bruhang ito, hehe).
we started at 9 am and wrapped up at 5 the next morning. three locations, a million shots on the shotlist, but we had to forego a bunch of shots because the sun was about to rise. you get used to these kinds of things. dati siguro mafu-frustrate ako nang sobra. i've since learned, though, that reality is all about compromises.
hopefully pa rin, maging maganda ang kalabasan. sana hindi corny. sana hindi melodramatic. happy naman ako sa ilaw ni eli at design ni joy. we have to submit a finished copy by august 4 at the latest. gogogo.
excited ako. uber. i've been through bad videos before, the kind that i wouldn't want to put on the demoreel, but i'm counting on being proud of this one.
salamat din at hindi ako nag-abono. haha.
* * *
looking forward to watching two movies on the big screen. chito rono's "suk0b" (eli was the director of photography in this one. galing galing talaga ni daddy!) and m. night shyamalan's "lady in the water". have heard a lot of bad feedback about the latter but i'd want to find out for myself. and being a shyamalan fan, i'm sure i'd enjoy a few things about the film, even if it sucks.
hay. july is my favorite month for 2006. i fervently hope that at least one of the next five months would top this. thank you, thank you, thank you lord.
1. revised treatment of the music video for the editor's reference
2. list of insert cellphone shots for the feature-length movie's last shooting day.
there are only two items on the list but they're urgent and might take some time to finish. eh wala e. mas gusto ko pang kausapin ang sarili ko kesa magtrabaho. hahaha.
the whirlwind hasn't waned since last week. attended the cinemalaya awards night (Gee-Gee at Waterina didn't win--two answered prayers in one day would be too good to be true. buti nga pinack-up na ni lord ang shoot ko that day at nakakain ako ng multi-colored kropek at mayo sandwich from the post-awards pa-meryenda ng cinemalaya that night). congratulations to "Kwarto" and "Orasyon" for winning Special Jury Prize and Best Short Film, respectively. next year, mag-feature length na tayong lahat!
in a way natutuwa rin ako dahil marami rin namang natuwa sa aming hamak na kabaklaan of a pelikula. unsurprisingly, karamihan sa mga yon ay mga badings themselves. hehe. pasok sa banga, mga sisters! naiyak pa nga yata itong si ruel na kaibigan ng aking fellow fag-hag na si waterfowl, marahil ay dahil naka-relate sya sa pinoproblema ni Waterina ("pag namatay ako, ibalot nyo na lang ako sa banig, request ko lang lagyan nyo ng ribbon"), at ang roommate nyang si jobert, who went with us at the last screening of the film, humahagikgik althroughout the movie, kahit sa mga parts na walang punchline (anubayun? di kaya tinatawanan nya ang pelikula? hahaha).
so i came to the awards night, nurturing hopes (hehe. sorry di ko maiwasan), but not expecting anything. masaya na ko sa naging feedback. nung isa-isa kaming tinawag sa stage (all short film finalists) para bigyan ng certificate of recognition, dun ako naloka. it was butch perez, the head of the screening committee (and director of Mumbaki, that Igorot film of the mid-90s), who was giving out the certificates, and when my turn came, he whispered to my ear: "Yours was the best."
shet! that made me smile. really. sabi ko sa sarili ko, will keep this a secret from writer/co-parent Dennis until after the ceremonies are over. para in case hindi kami manalo, may consolation prize ako para sa kanya.
pero ang bruha, narinig pala. sayang. akala ko pa naman matutuwa sya pag sinabi ko. it was really good working with Dennis. he's one of the stablest persons i've ever known. the best producer/production manager, not to mention a very witty writer. dennis, sana makagawa pa tayo ng iba. sana rin makapunta tayo abroad kasama sina GeeGee at Waterina.
haha! sige mangarap tayo. a lot of good things that actually happen begin with dreams.
* * *
i finished this film with a slightly unhealthy ounce of disappointment. a lot of things had worked against us while we were making it, but a lot of things had worked in favor of us as well. if i were to go back to Day 1, i would have changed and tweaked a few more things, but truth remains that this is ours, perceived imperfections and all. our baby. pag anak mo, kahit ano pang kinalabasan, anak mo pa rin.
kaya go pa rin kami. you make films for people to see it, and the more people who will see it, the closer you will be to fulfilling your goal.
* * *
the next day i went to work on the set of the Angel L-Dennis T starrer, and was surprised to know that Paul Daza, the film's writer, had seen and liked Gee-Gee at Waterina. liked it enough, he said, that he was willing to buy a copy of the film for P100! haha! wee! we'll take the offer, sir paul. we'll be needing the money.
three days before i'd seen him at the ccp and invited him to watch the film. in the four years i'd been working in the mainstream film industry i'd always made it a point to separate work from my labors-of-love. siguro wrong move, kasi pwede ring gamiting resume ang labors-of-love para makakuha ng work, but it's easier for me to concentrate on the work that way.
pera, pera. not to mention experience. working for the mainstream brings a lot of good, but moments come when you just want to go on and make you own film. kaso kung hindi ka naman mayaman at hindi ka rin anak ng mayaman, being a laborer in films is the best compromise. i get to work around directors, get to work in the field i want to spend the rest of my life in, and earn money as well. tv has its own glamor, not to mention more moolah, but it's too wayward from the dream, too far from the
career trajectory i want to take.
although pag ala na talagang pera, aiming for another job in tv might solve the problem. haha. bwisit lang kasi talaga yang mga deadlines.
* * *
tuesday and wednesday last week, we shot scenes for the angel-dennis movie all night in the cogeo highlands. amidst wind and rain. packup time was always at sunrise. thursday morning i went home, napped for two or three hours, then went straight to the set of the Yasmi@n Kurd1 music video.
now that was fun. ngaragan din, but i get a different kind of rush with these things. kahit pagod, para kong tinuturukan ng formulang pinaghalog extra-joss, kape, at energizer battery fluid. go go go pa rin, kahit lupaypay na kaming lahat (pati ang mga puntod at fake branches na sinetup ng art department sa set). barkadahan ang staff, the same people i've worked with since my college days: el1 b@lce as director of photography (fresh from his "D0ns0l" Cin@malaya win...di na ma-reach!), j0y puntawe as production designer (panalo talaga ang ubeng baka...the mainstream people don't know what they're missing), g@vin herrera (aba, hindi kami um-over sa prod budget! mahusay sa baratan ang bruhang ito, hehe).
we started at 9 am and wrapped up at 5 the next morning. three locations, a million shots on the shotlist, but we had to forego a bunch of shots because the sun was about to rise. you get used to these kinds of things. dati siguro mafu-frustrate ako nang sobra. i've since learned, though, that reality is all about compromises.
hopefully pa rin, maging maganda ang kalabasan. sana hindi corny. sana hindi melodramatic. happy naman ako sa ilaw ni eli at design ni joy. we have to submit a finished copy by august 4 at the latest. gogogo.
excited ako. uber. i've been through bad videos before, the kind that i wouldn't want to put on the demoreel, but i'm counting on being proud of this one.
salamat din at hindi ako nag-abono. haha.
* * *
looking forward to watching two movies on the big screen. chito rono's "suk0b" (eli was the director of photography in this one. galing galing talaga ni daddy!) and m. night shyamalan's "lady in the water". have heard a lot of bad feedback about the latter but i'd want to find out for myself. and being a shyamalan fan, i'm sure i'd enjoy a few things about the film, even if it sucks.
hay. july is my favorite month for 2006. i fervently hope that at least one of the next five months would top this. thank you, thank you, thank you lord.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
idiot's guide to dating: chapter 1
six ways to ruin a date:
1. reveal the identity of The One You Really Want and constantly (albeit casually) bring him/her up throughout the conversation.
2. bring your friends along and pay more attention to them. better yet, bring along The One You Really Want and pay more attention to Him/Her.
3. decline his/her offer to pay for your meal...but readily say yes when other people offer to do so.
4. roll your eyes each time s/he brings up anything remotely connected to intimacy, relationships, or any stuff romantically connected to the two of you.
5. completely avoid body contact. even the innocent ones.
6. let your ex (BF/GF, ka-MU or the like) join the date and show your current date how special the former flame was/is to you. even better, tell it to his face.
congratulations to me. i think i'm guilty of all counts. maybe i should be bothered, but i'd rather look at it this way: if someone really wants you, nothing can keep him away.
but what really bothers me is me. because i'm starting to wonder now why i tend to subconsciously do these things, in the first place.
1. reveal the identity of The One You Really Want and constantly (albeit casually) bring him/her up throughout the conversation.
2. bring your friends along and pay more attention to them. better yet, bring along The One You Really Want and pay more attention to Him/Her.
3. decline his/her offer to pay for your meal...but readily say yes when other people offer to do so.
4. roll your eyes each time s/he brings up anything remotely connected to intimacy, relationships, or any stuff romantically connected to the two of you.
5. completely avoid body contact. even the innocent ones.
6. let your ex (BF/GF, ka-MU or the like) join the date and show your current date how special the former flame was/is to you. even better, tell it to his face.
congratulations to me. i think i'm guilty of all counts. maybe i should be bothered, but i'd rather look at it this way: if someone really wants you, nothing can keep him away.
but what really bothers me is me. because i'm starting to wonder now why i tend to subconsciously do these things, in the first place.
and so the heavens willed it
the shoot was packed up today.
yehey. thank you lord!
:-D
i'm anxious about the event tonight, but i know i shouldn't be. wala akong karapatan. wala din ako dapat expectations.
basta, magpe-pray na lang ako dito. bahala na lang kayo sa min, lord. you know we did the best we could.
but well, so did everybody else.
wish us luck.
yehey. thank you lord!
:-D
i'm anxious about the event tonight, but i know i shouldn't be. wala akong karapatan. wala din ako dapat expectations.
basta, magpe-pray na lang ako dito. bahala na lang kayo sa min, lord. you know we did the best we could.
but well, so did everybody else.
wish us luck.
may the heavens will it
lord, sana po mapack-up ang shoot today.
sana lumakas pa nang konti ang ulan para paniguradong slippery ang road. exterior accident scenes pa naman ang naka-schedule for today. delikado.
lord, sana mapack-up na talaga. para maka-attend na din ako sa ibang mga bagay sa current life.
like the cinemalaya awards night mamaya.
like preproduction matters for the music video shoot on thursday.
like social life.
hahahay! selfish na kung selfish ang intensyon. pero nananalig akong makabubuti para sa nakararami ang pagpackup ng shoot today. safety first. risk control is cost control.
basta sana mapackup ang shoot today.
sana lumakas pa nang konti ang ulan para paniguradong slippery ang road. exterior accident scenes pa naman ang naka-schedule for today. delikado.
lord, sana mapack-up na talaga. para maka-attend na din ako sa ibang mga bagay sa current life.
like the cinemalaya awards night mamaya.
like preproduction matters for the music video shoot on thursday.
like social life.
hahahay! selfish na kung selfish ang intensyon. pero nananalig akong makabubuti para sa nakararami ang pagpackup ng shoot today. safety first. risk control is cost control.
basta sana mapackup ang shoot today.
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