writing is a lonely job

so they say. in my experience so far, i think it really has to be that way. or else you'd miss your deadline.

just came from three days of scripting. natulog lang ako ng 6 hours, had dinner, went for a walk, then the SMS came: lockin tomorrow for the other show. hoohah. either you say dang! or you say thank you lord.

i say both. dang! ang hirap mag-switch modes after this particularly laborious 3-day convention with myself. from da youth show to the soap. pero thank you lord for the work, because it's better to be busy and earning. than to not be busy and earning. at all.

it's lonely when i'm facing that blank screen, waiting for the work to start by itself, buying time, stalling, procrastinating, smoking. and then forcing myself even during moments when i wasn't in the so-called Mood. fuelling myself (or so i thought) with all things oral (except the skanky kind). five pounds heavier, 10 days older since 3 days ago. was just about to recharge mehn. pero okay lang. gusto ko to. may raket pa in the sidelines waiting, begging for my attention but that will have to wait. and hirap, honestly. ang hirap mag-switch modes. or tamad lang ako by nature, a one-track-mind, a hedonist since birth, kaya nahihirapan akong disiplinahin ang sarili. huy. dapat nagbabasa ka na ng script ngayon in time for tomorrow. dapat tinitingnan mo na ang mga bagay-bagay para sa raket para makagalaw na kayo.

pero eto ako. nanood ng devil's advocate (i'd seen this film more than 10 times, i think, in the past 10 years). pero this time around it isn't because of keanu. i was focusing on al and damn, it's so weird, i'm FIXATED on him all of a sudden, michael corleone has become al pacino and i'm confused, who is who, why am i suddenly fascinated by the guy who played the romanticized italian dude in the Godfather. it must have been the deadlines. it must have been the lonely nights. you have to be lonely while writing. you can't go out, you can't chat long with friends. otherwise hindi mo magagawa ang trabaho. there are things that you really just have to do alone.

so eto. tomorrow. and after tomorrow, another two days na bubunuin sa harap ng aking mahal na laptop. writing through the wee hours. welcoming loneliness. not with a sad face, no. with a smile. you will get used to it. you will miss everyone, you will miss going out and having out of town trips. you will miss a lot of things but it's the price you'll have to pay. give some to get some.

sana lang ma-maintain ko pa rin ang balance. kahit between two things nga lang eh. it's the social life that's the first to go. but i will have to strike a balance between work and love.

i miss my bosobear. i miss pinching his fat chubby sides.
al pacino is such an intriguing figure. sana ka-henerasyon ko na lang sya. nao-off kasi talaga ako dahil sobrang tanda na nya. basta. to me he will forever be michael corleone.

haha. loneliness makes the weird even weirder.