nasusulasok na sa usok...

...pero on stressful or emotionally-charged moments, i puff on a stick. tulad ngayon. luckily for me, wala nang yosi dito.

kaya ko naman pala. but of course i wouldn't want to speak too soon.

naiinis lang ako. mamatay na mga hecklers na yan. at please, lumayo-layo sila mga potah sila kung ayaw nilang maghalo ang balat sa tinalupan.

naiinis ako sa mga pangyayaring ganyan. wala syang kwenta sa buhay ko. pwede bang i-abolish na yang mga ganyan? sino ba nakaisip nyan?

irrational me. ang sarap lang mag-rant. kahit wala sa rason. kahit puro emosyon. HOY! wag kayong maka-"hi"-"hi"! bubuhukan ko kayo. OKAY!!!

syempre, lalamig ako. in a while. and i will want to forget all about it. because there will always be hecklers around. and there will always be events like that. it all really boils down to one word. and that one word will get you through the next many many years. so long as it is justified. so long as it remains sacred.

* * *

YOSI COUNT.

today: 1 (so far. wala na kong interes dagdagan.)
yesterday: 4
friday: 6
thursday: 6
wednesday: 1
tuesday: 3

masyado pa ring marami ang 6. ayoko na talaga. nakakasulasok sa ilong ang usok. ang yosi, parang pokpok sa isang tarantadong customer. ako ang tarantadong customer. dahil pagkatapos kong hithitin, bahong-baho na ako. sa amoy na naiiwan sa kamay ko, sa hininga ko, sa hangin. kulang na lang isuka ko siya.

dapat by march, total wipeout na. totally clean lungs na.

* * *

angst night. gustong mag-angstfest. uy, valentine's pala tonight? napaaga ang celebration ko. dinner nang bonggang-bongga, kagabi with bosobear. my fat lovable valentine. my stressball. pisilin ko lang, natatanggal na ang stress. hehe.

angstfest saan? wala lang! nakakamiss lang mag-beeyatch mode. nasusulasok lang ako sa optimism at normalcy ng mga entries ko lately. pero ayoko nang sabayan ang paga-angst ng pagyoyosi. bad yun. baho pa.

actually wala akong dapat i-angst e. happy kid ako ngayon. except yung mga POTAENANG HECKLERS na yan na gusto kong itaboy ng walis tambo ko. mga BWISIT SILA! pero aside from that, happiness. i wish i could lose weight, yes. i wish i could be prettier than how i normally am these days. there are things that i still wish i had, wish i had more of, or less of, pero basically, thank you lord lang ang masasabi ko.

at help me lord. sa coming months ahead.

* * *

i dream of our own house. a pretty split-level unit with a backyard and a front lawn. a garage with a car in it. a doghouse in front. plants and flowers, well-tended, sa harapan.

i dream of our own full-furnished sala. with a huge flatscreen tv at the center. and those leather couches that you admire, each time we pass by SM's showrooms. and that lazy boy seat with the foot stool. i'd want that in our living room too.

i dream of these things, but you stop me. you cut me short, telling me to be realistic. dehins keri ng moolah. HELLO?! libre namang mangarap di ba?

pag nanalo ako sa lotto, i say, i'd buy a Gas Station franchise.
masyadong mahal yun, you say.
so? i say. nanalo naman ako sa lotto e.
natameme ka dun ano? haha.

* * *

kong hei fat choi. i saw those luscious ube hopias on tv again. how i want to just FLY to binondo and buy myself a dozen of those. i've always loved those hopias.

hindi na naman ako makakatulog nito.

* * *

my keanna is getting sweeter everyday. in the morning when she hears my bedroom open, she's on her toes, running to me. asking for food, yes, but at least she's sweet about it. HAHA.

i love my pussycat!