midlifer at 35?

25 years ago, my happy place was the bookstore. reading. smelling the crisp new pages of a book i'd wanted to buy.

15 years ago, my happy place was the shooting set. mounting. directing. making the imagined come to life.

now, my happy place is the kitchen. the supermarket (specifically, Landmark in Trinoma). Our neighborhood baking supplies store, All About Baking. I love creating something for my family. I love making food. Like walking into the bookstore, at 10 years old. Or directing a short film, at 25. It's almost the same high. Only somewhat different.  

kaya ako nakoconfuse ngayon.


for the most of my 30 plus years, i'd always felt so sure about the things i wanted. ngayon lang yata naging hati ang puso ko tungkol sa maraming bagay sa buhay ko.

god knows i'm grateful for all the blessings i've been given. but why does this feeling persist? dalawa, tatlong taon na. i may be in the right place. but am i in the right position? if so, why do i feel like i'm out of place in the bookstore? why do i feel like i wasn't born to do this?

walang bagay na madali. may mga bagay na mahirap, pero masaya kang gawin.  things are going well. but i'm the one who's feeling different. i've been feeling different for 2-3 years now.


gratitude. gratitude. gratitude.

may mga relasyon na hindi mo mabitawan, dahil sa utang na loob, dahil napupunan nya ang mga certain needs mo sa buhay.

akala ko dumaan na ko sa quarter life crisis. meron pa palang part2. o baka midlife na ito. sabagay, malamang hanggang 70 years old lang ang buhay ko.

lord, what am i meant to do? what's your plan for me?