estrella alfon

kilala nyo ba si estrella alfon?
yung cebuana fiction writer who wrote the short story "magnificence".
deceased na sya, but i need to contact her family members. school project of vital importance.

if you can help me, will really appreciate it. pakiforward na rin po sa mga kakilala nyo. :-)

reply lang kayo dito ha :-) or email me at keanu_dudette@yahoo.com.

thank you thank you!

yesterday

watched "lust, caution". loved it. especially the script, and the performances of tony leung and the girl who played wong. the ending was sad but powerful, and somehow further reinforced my suspicion that women are emotional by nature. (suspicion pa ba yon? haha).

ate at mexicali for the first time. loved it. enchiladas with rice and salad. sour cream in tomatoes. heavenly. wanna go back for more.

happy, happy, happiness. i thank god for an answered little prayer.

because now is just a shot of vodka..

happy or sad, good or bad, i shouldn't let the present consume me.
dahil mahaba pa ang buhay. at marami pang pwedeng mangyari sa buhay.

and the present is just a droplet in the timepool. a bleep in the timeline. a shot of vodka on a long long night.

naalala ko tuloy nung isang gabi. i let myself get drunk like there was no tomorrow. sadya, pero how ungraceful. ang resulta, alas dose pa lang, knock out na ko. i had drunk too much, too fast. na-miss ko tuloy ang best part of the party. at hanggang ngayon, stuck lang ako sa memories ng what little time i had enjoyed, before i was out cold.

lesson: hindi dapat magpakalunod, dahil mahaba-haba pa ang inuman.

you think you're going through the best or worst times of your life. you could be wrong. the future can promise better things. or worse things. hanggang may ulirat ka, hindi pa tapos ang inuman. whatever happens, at least you're sober. you've got your head above water, and armed with a healthy dose of self-preserving detachment.

* * *

and to be able to detach, you need to zoom out sometimes. zoom way out. and in doing this, ironically, you can think outside of yourself.

* * *

shet. i want to quit smoking. yucky habit. not to mention deadly.

1:00 am

skul skul, skul bukol.

for the past two weeks my world has mostly been school. masaya, ito ang gusto ko. ito ang wish ko. ang makapagcontrate sa pag-aaral at makapagpahinga. i'm happy that the shoots have been put on hold, for selfish reasons. but the fact that there would be no paycheck for the next two weeks mars the happiness a bit bad. i find myself worrying.

nah! god is good and wise. he has plans.

what can i say about school. i'm so looking forward to the time when it would be my turn to direct a drill. like ted, like monj, perhaps like everybody else in class who hasn't done it. hay. the dream.

inaantok na ko. wala lang, gusto ko lang magsulat dito. haha. excited about halloween. excited about the long weekend. excited about the rest of my life.

haha. umo-optimist ba ito. hindi rin. basta. nagpapaanod lang ako sa agos these days. laging takot malunod, syempre--hindi na siguro mawawala yon--pero basically, trying to lie on my back and let the tide take me where god wants me to be.

trying is the keyword. cause there's a hunger somewhere in this psyche that just wouldn't leave me in peace.

kahapon, habang nagpapatay ako ng oras sa galleria bago umuwi, dumaan ako sa pinsan ko na nagtatrabaho sa toy store.

promo girl sya. roommate ko sya dati sa bahay. dati, aalis sya, darating, aalis uli, yun lang ang alam ko sa trabaho nya. pero kahapon nakita ko sya at work, maybe for a few hours, at parang first time ko actually na-realize kung ano ba ang tinatiyaga nya every single hour of a work day since six months ago.

nakatayo buong maghapon. nakatunganga pag walang customer. pag merong customer, sales-talk to the max. at pag hindi bumili yung customer, nakaka-frustrate. nafu-frustrate akong tingnan sya. kasi nakita kong lumaki itong pinsan ko, at alam ko kung anong kaya pa nyang gawin. bukod sa pagtayo, pagtunganga, pagbenta ng mga laruan sa mga customer.

naalala ko tuloy yung indie movie na 3ndo. actually, binabasa ko pa lang ang skrip ng 3ndo, yung pinsan ko na ang nasa isip ko. nung shinushoot namin ang 3ndo, hanggang sa napanood ko na ang 3ndo, sabi ko, dapat mapanood nya to. kasi makaka-relate sya. yung bida sa 3ndo, naniniwalang wala syang ibang choice kundi tanggapin ang mga contractual nyang trabaho. kampante na sya sa ganong buhay, kahit na pwede pa syang mag-effort para makakuha ng better options. parang nakikita ko ang pinsan ko sa kanya. i know she can do more. it's a question of whether she wants to. or wants it enough to make a few sacrifices.

wala lang. na-depress lang ako ng konti.