because i'm ONLY 28!

dahil hindi ako makatulog...

in less than 24 hours tatanda na naman ako. argh. when i was 7 i remember having been so excited about my birthday. i was literally skipping around the house, feeling special. haha. syempre kasama na rin sa kasiyahan yung fact na magpapaparty ang mama at papa ko para sa kin, at makakatanggap ako ng mga regalo.

e ngayon.

since my 25th birthday puro reality checks na lang ang natatanggap ko--from myself, na nagiging age-conscious na, everytime magbe-birthday ako. huy, tumatanda ka na. huy, hindi ka na early 20s. huy, may kinapupuntahan ba yang buhay mo?

matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nagkaroon ng birthday party. kasi ang kaibahan ngayon, pag magkakaroon ng birthday party, ako na ang gagastos. kaya hindi purong kasiyahan, di ba. kasi hindi na libre.

at saka wala na ring malaking rason to feel special, kasi na-realize ko din eventually (between the years 7 and 23) na sobrang dami pala naming may birthday ng April 25. i can actually count 5 acquaintances na ka-birthday ko. kaya parang, happy birthday na lang sa ting lahat. parang normal na araw na lang.

isa pang reason kung bakit parang hindi na ko excited pag birthday ko--and i suppose i'm not the only one who's felt/feeling this--ay yung very fact na tumatanda na ko. nung bata ako, it's cool to get older, it's cool na magdalaga. pero nakaka-stress di pala--somekinda, kahit papano--when you're approaching your 30s. me, 30ish? mga tita ko lang yun no! mga teachers and professors ko lang yun! not me, kasi parang sa utak ko forever akong bata, kaya parang nakakabagabag ma-realize na TITA-age na pala ko.

stressful, a little. pero 28 pa lang naman ako, kaya i'll leave the stressing out to monjam (dahil sya ang 30 years old. mwaha). at the very least, parang...nakakadampen lang ng birthday high. nakakawala ng excitement.

kaya kung pwede nga lang na wag nang magbirthday di ba.

* * *

on the other hand, there are a multitude of reasons to be happy.

because i'm still alive. and healthy. and basically happy with my life.
because in the 28 years i've been alive, i've lived. maybe not as fully as i would've have ideally wanted to, but pretty much.
and because i know--pray, wish, will it--that i still have so many years more to do the things that i still want to do, to achieve the things that i still want to have, to design my life just the way i want it.

at kung sa yugtong ito eh medyo lost ako sa kung ano nga bang design ang gusto ko para sa buhay ko, i still have the rest of my life to figure it out.

because i'm only 28!
because the glass is half full!
and i have the rest of my life, still, to fill it to the brim!

oha! positive thinker!

sa sandamukal na mga ka-birthday ko dyan, happy birthday sa ting lahat! :-D