basag

the other night, someone broke my heart. it probably isn't as bad as it seemed to me then, but at that moment it was. bad. very bad. so bad i thought i was going to have a heart attack. literally.

anger. chest-imploding. like a bomb in outer space. pain, the kind that can make grown girls cry. like babies to their mommas. the kind that can keep you up all night. cursed to suffer through your unholy sleepless hours.

may nabasag nung gabing yon. not the bottle of red wine i'd downed in just a matter of hours. not someone's face (salamat na lang walang tao sa harapan ko). something much more fragile. something na ilang taon kong pinaghirapang buuin. only to be broken in a matter of seconds.

i wanted to be numb so i feasted on red wine. big time. with simpsons playing on tv. and and the work on my laptop, waiting to be done. i just couldn't. i wasn't in that zone. working was the farthest from my mind at that moment.

i fell asleep, forgetting everything. then i woke up, and the memories of the night before just came flooding in. kakagising ko pa lang, sira na ang umaga ko.

you broke it the night before, you mended it the next morning. somehow. but not quite. i was traumatized by what took me by surprise. everything's alright, everything's explained for. and yes, understood somehow. somehow.

but what the mind may understand, the heart may take longer to accept. please, lord, let time be on our side.