just keep going.
that's what i've been conditioning myself to do these past few months.
but i'm a look-back-and-reflect kind of person by nature. which sometimes--no, most of the time--slows me down. but, it also helps me see things from a different perspective.
sa ngayon, yun ang wala ako. yung luxury, to look back and look at the big picture. i just need to keep going. going, going until we reach the finish line. because i am tired, we all are, and personally, i just want to move on.
detachment helps me keep going.
it's been a wonderful ride. a magical first three months, actually. that alone makes this project very special to me. it's given me what it can give. how i wish i can give more to it, how i wish i can give it more of me. pero walang time. to look back, to ruminate, to wait for the story to unfold in the four corners of my little mind. now is no longer like before.
it's much easier to just settle for mediocrity and keep myself within the comfort zone. gusto ko pa ring makagawa ng magandang trabaho, pero kung pakiramdam ko ako lang ang may honest-to-goodness desire to still keep fighting (at least, within the group) at yung iba, sige na lang, iraos na lang.. nakakadampen ng spirits. nakakawala ng puso.
this is a job. pero sa bawat iluwal may kalakip yang puso. more often, than not. o kahit dun sa mga jinejebs mo na lang at feeling mo namind-rape ka.. mahirap pa rin. may maliit na parte pa rin ng puso mo ang nandoon. kahit gaano kaliit.
but then, there's no time to stop. much less look back. i will just haveto keep going. ang hirap talaga ng natataranta, di ka makaisip nang maayos. just taking a short breather to write this, para lang i-immortalize ang puntong ito ng buhay ko.
three scripts to the end. let's keep going.
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