week 17

magtatrabaho during the holidays.

it's just a script, beeyatch. not rocket science. so friggin just do it.

AT WALA AKONG PAKE

ngumakngak kayo dyan nang ngumakngak. ke may punto kayo o wala, wala na akong pake.
bago pa kayo nadismaya, nauna na ako sa inyo.
pero wag kayong mag-alala, bibitaw din kayo. dahil matagal na rin akong bumitaw at sa puntong ito gusto ko na lang talagang matapos. sana lang bumitaw na lang kayo kapag pebrero na. pero kung bibitaw na kayo ngayon, bahala kayo.

don't email or tweet me your feedback. i can't do anything about them. we can't do anything about them anymore. it's finished, it's in the can, the things you're seeing now. nakita ko tong darating, itong punto na ito in fairness.  no one is faultless, because we're a team. no one is faultless, not even the bosses, or the direks. ako rin, may kakulangan, dahil nung nagkakaipitan na sa deadlines, pinangalawa ko na lang sa priority ko ang quality. nang hindi ko na solo ang paggawa ng bahay, bumitaw na rin ako by 40%. dahil feeling ko kasi, there it goes. the story is over, there's not much to tell anymore.

ang issue nyo, walang conflict. i was thinking the same thing when i was writing those eps set in ilocos. but then, sabi nga ng immediate na kinauukulan- yung ang gusto nila e. puro kilig. mahirap talaga kapag ginagawa mo lang ang ginagawa mo dahil trabaho mo ito. yun ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. i cared about the story, pero matagal na kong hindi nagke-care. hindi ko masikmura ang puro kilig at walang conflict. so now we get these feedback. and i realize na tama ang pakiramdam ko. kapag walang conflict, walang kwento. walang kwenta.

but i'm grateful, for an 8-week (airing-wise, 12) love story that i can truly say i'm proud of. and for those 8 (or 12) weeks alone, this show will always be special to me. C and L will always be special to me. C, specifically, because it was during those times when i was smitten by him that i was able to contribute the most sparkle to the material.

sabi nga ng bossing namin, iba ang lente ng isang babaeng lumalandi-- "papa ko si C. papa ko siya, at kilig ako sa kanya", referring to the director. it works the same for the writer, sir.  iba ang pluma ng babaeng lumalandi. for 12 weeks, i was smitten, in love, feeling 15 years old again. when realities reared their ugly heads at di na kinaya ng powers ko, the feelings faded, and that was when it became just another job to me.

so, right, gustoko na lang matapos to. WEEK 17 treatment due tomorrow. WEEK 17 script on wednesday. barrelling towards the end, walang makakapigil sa akin at wala akong pake kung anong isipin ng kahit sino bukod sa mga bossing ko.

Ayan na si Sir...

Between exhibit A..

and exhibit B...

I'd choose exhibit A. But only if I absolutely have to choose...pero kung hindi naman kailangang mamili, aba, papakyawin ko pareho! the more the merrier! HAHA.

the thing with C is, well. he's gotten too ideal. too predictable from this girl's POV, i'm getting bored by him. kilalang kilala ko na sya, there's nothing left to discover.

tulad nga ng nasabi ko noon. C is the cliche in a typical love story.

but Sir S... OOH. WOW.  He's a mystery, but I think I know this man. I think I've known him for years, in my dreams, and I even wrote about him here.

Enigmatic. Brilliant. Mature. Refined. Successful. Hard-to-get. Unpredictable. Oozing with confidence.

Yung tipong kapag sinurrender mo sa kanya ang buong pagkatao at buhay mo, kayang kaya ka nyang dalhin. He's the kind of man I'd be scared to meet in real life. Whether I'm married or not, nakakatakot makameet ng ganyang lalake, dahil ideal guy ko sya, at alam ko, masasaktan lang ako, dahil mamahalin ko sya nang higit pa sa dapat. Dahil 100% akong mahuhulog sa kanya.

at kung ang ideal guy ko ay hihiram ng itsura kay Pau10 Av3l1n0, aba, why not! (don't worry j@m3s, i'm sure kung napunta sa iyo ang role, makekeri mo rin yun. Kering Keri mo ang Christian Grey sans the kinks, of course). sabi nga ng isang d1rek namin... I LOVE THIS SHOW. At lahat kaming mga babae sa mesa nung time na yon, malutong na nag ME TOO. Haha.

sorry S1mon. pero feeling ko, hindi ko naibibigay yung kwentong para talaga sa yo. yung kwentong ikakikilig ng mga katulad ko.  kasi hindi ikaw ang bida. sana may ibang kwento na lang para sa yo. doon, ibebenta ko nang bongga bongga, todo-todo, walang preno ang mga dreams ko about you. Pwede naman sya sa primetime, dahil-ehem- PG-13 naman sya. HAHA.

HINGA

HINGA. after pressing SEND.

harrowing week 15. two days lang ang sinulat ko pero harrowing pa rin.

next script week, malamang, mas madugo. sana naman, mas magaan sa loob.

ang sakit sa loob nung autopilot ka at gusto mo na lang matapos. ayoko ng autopilot, rare ko ginagamit yun unless na talagang galit na galit na yung mga nagfafollowup sa akin (minsan nga kahit galit na sila, di pa rin ako autopilot. which is kinda, well, impractical on my part).

di ko na kontrolado ang biggest percentage ng content ng first drafts dahil dalawa na kaming writers. kaya sa mga kasong ganito na wala na sa kamay mo, may detachment ka na ring mararamdaman. di katulad noon na solely responsible akong karpintero for first drafts kaya stressed na stressed ako. kalabaryo ko sya, pero strangely, mahal na mahal ko.

pag nagdetach ka, mababawasan ang pagmamahal. mababawasan din ang stress. pag may pumipintas, pag may nambabato, hindi na ako nasasaktan. kasi hindi lang naman ako ang may anak dyan. you can only help raise the child of your dreams for so long (read: 7-8 weeks of airing?), tapos from there, anything can happen. bad to worse, bad to better, or one long plateau.

at least minahal nila yung characters enough to stay. boring na ang magjowa kapag sila na, kaya para talaga sa akin, the best chapter was in the beginning, nung nagliligawan pa lang sila. naghuhulaan. nag-iiwasan. naglalandian. nagmamind games. parang totoong relasyon. those were the most exciting times.

pero sa totoong buhay, yung pinakexciting times ang nakakatakot kaya hindi ko maenjoy. the sweetest times for me, yung nagsisimula pa lang kayo. and i think C and L went through that, staggered nga lang kasi laging may kontrabidang sumisingit.

so back to week 15. can't say i'm proud of this one. actually dreading feedback time. pero ayoko namunang isipin yun. HIHINGA muna ako ngayong gabi. kasama ng anak ko, at hubby ko, be a mommy and wifey exclusively for a night.

konti na lang. 16,17,18,19...20. wow. marami pa pala. parang...half-season pa.

but then, hindidapat nagrereklamo. because the more weeks there are... the more moolah for everyone.

kaya salamat po, Lord. sana po, makabawi ako sa Week 16. for my autopiloting Week 15.

Haller, December

post-Christmas last year, we were called for our first meeting for the project that took up the most my 2015. after a deluge of shelved projects, it was a blessing. akalain mo. halos isang taon na pala kaming nagtatrabaho para sa project na to?

pero mahal ko itong project na ito. lalo na nung first 8 weeks of airing nya. i had never cared this much for  a TV project before. i had never given this much of me to a TV project before. investing myself in it, emotionally. selling dreams. my own dreams. helping create that one guy who will do all the things that real men can't/don't/will not/forget to do, even if they're in love with you. 

okay, so i'll reserve the eulogies for next year. sa ngayon, tapusin na ang Week 15, deymet. 

looks like i'll have work to  do during the holidays. :-(