three bottles of san mig on a wednesday afternoon

and as i expecteed, i'm tipsy.

* * *

even beyond working hours, something in me stresses out when i hear my stopwatch bleep. parang reflex. ganito yata talaga.

in whatever way i might be able to paint it now, in the future i know i'll definitely remember this. and knowing me, na delayed ang appreciation sa mga bagay-bagay, i'll probably remember these times as golden. kahit ngarag. kahit stressed out. i can't help not loving something that i have invested much on. and this project somehow has been demanding near-total investment from me. more than other projects. in terms of time and effort. but my heart is in a glass case.

flashback to the compost movie. hmm, 1 year ago sinusumpa ko ang pelikulang yon. ngayon...para lang syang...anino. passing me by, like an eclipse.

i guess it doesn't apply to all cases. but this one, i'll definitely remember. good memories or not-so, remains to be seen.

don't mind me, i'm drunk.

* * *

biglang nagkaganang bumili ng beer ang tatay ko kaya sinabay na rin ako. eh gusto kong magpatulog dahil masyadong maaga ang gising ko kanina (on a 5am bedtime, coming from 18 hours of work on set). ito kasing pusa kong KSP, kinukulit ako. kaya kelangan kong magpatulog ulit, dahil may work na naman bukas.

life is just...jolly. when you're drunk.

may problema ko sa paglalagare ng dalawang projects. hindi talaga advisable maglagare, lalo na kung sapaw sapaw ang skeds ng dalawa. kaso magpapasko na kaya medyo nag-money mode ako. pero lesson na 'to sa kin. i won't do this again, unless under special circumstances na hindi maiiwasan.

tired. sleepy. day off today, but the tidal wave has started.

i miss creative work. so. uber.
para kong automaton.
ayoko na.

* * *

people have wanted me to adopt their babies. usually pag ganon nagiging lukewarm ako. ewan ko kung may issue ako sa pag-adopt ng hindi akin. siguro, pag embryo pa lang sya. pero pag out-of-the-womb baby na sya (tulad ng GNW) at matino namang lumabas, siguro pwede pa. hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.

gusto ko kasi, ako ang magje-gestate. ako ang magbubuntis. pagdatin sa personal projects. ang hirap mag-ampon.

inaantok ako. and i'm sneezing now. my mom's dancing to rock music outside my room. i'm sleepy at 2 in the afternoon. my system's weird. thanks to san mig.