dahil mahaba pa ang tatahakin ko, career-wise. marami pang bigas ang kakainin, so the cliche goes. marami pa kong kailangang aralin. and i'm not even halfway There.
so dapat at this point, all systems go pa rin ako. make or break. puyatan kung puyatan. arangkada kung arangkada.
kaso. ito. nararamdaman ko na. may nagi-impose ng sariling curfew sa katawan ko. pati psyche ko naaapektuhan. all of a sudden nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman ng isang taong pagarahe na. pota, ayoko pa! it's a temporary state yes but even after this temporary state, things will never be f***ng the same. EVER.
and it fills me with fear as my worst, pessimist moments, perhaps more than it fills me with joy when i'm all sunshiney mahoney. parang i'm giving up something. yeah, yeah in exchange for a miracle. yeah yeah. don't get me wrong. i love it. but sometimes i'm torn between loving it and loving the life i'm about to leave behind.
so you think i'm emotionally unready? maybe, maybe not. you can always use THAT as an excuse. but nothing will really prepare you for it except when you're forced to actually face it.
so sulat na, b1tch. ano pang sinisintir sintir mo dito. ~whiplash! whiplash!~
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