everything's internal

that's why.
you can't ask, how do you do it?
you just do.
hindi sya cinematic.
you can't watch it like a self-help video.
you have to figure it out on your own.

and i'm stumped.
i feel stupid.
i feel out of it.
lost.
empty.

i wish god would help me.
but like what we wanted to say through one character at work,
people have to help themselves.
one should take full responsibility.
you can't rely on anyone else but you.

and if you yourself can't rely on yourself,
you're dead.

* * *

they don't drop from heaven like bird shit.
you can't wait for something to drop on your lap.
you have to work it out. within you. internally.
everything's internal, really.
the challenge is how to just--friggin'--EXTERNALIZE it.
pero kung wala kang niluluto sa loob ng kusina, wala kang maihahain sa hapagkainan.

minsan lang talaga, i wish i could open up someone's clock--anyone who is in the same sphere as me--and try to figure out what makes them tick.