knock on wood

i pray for beautiful days ahead.
thanking god na natapos ang lockin nang maaga.
na mas maaga kaming makakapagsimulang magsulat, at magiging free ang weekend.
thanking god dahil tinupad ang isang panalangin kagabi.
na naging potent ang impotent.
na naging malaya ang feeling frozen.
na nadadaan sa thoughts and prayers ang mga apprehensions.
thank you uli, bro!

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one more thing to be thankful about: nakabawas na naman ako ng utang. paunti-unting nabubunot ang tinik. hopefully, by june or july, debt-free na ko. :-)

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ako ang nagsulat nung ipapalabas this sunday. purely by me. yey. sana maganda kahit puro drama. waah. sana matawid naman ang thought na "yes, i'm dying" papunta sa "by the way, i'm your father" nang swabe. haha.

thank you lord, for friends and work.

sana din matapos ko ang script na ito by friday night. wednesday, thursday, then friday night. more time to write. 23 sequences. wahoo. sana, sana. para makapaglakwatsa at makapag-"angels and demons" sa linggo o sabado.

thank you lord for days off.

* * *

gusto kong bumili ng bagong laptop. kaso di ko pa ma-afford. sana ma-afford ko soon. sana, by june or july. kahit credit card. or okay na yung 20K na laptop, basta matino.

* * *

hindi ko na kras si arkin.
may isang instance na parang biglang naglaho ang kras ko sa kanya.
one time na bumisita kami sa taping, binuking ako sa kanya ng AD nila. in front of everyone. "galingan mo, ayun yung mga writers o, crush na crush ka nila." (mabuti na lang hindi ako siningle-out. eh ako lang naman ang may crush sa kanya)

the arkin in my mind would've been a bit embarrassed. kahit papano, kahit kaunti. the arkin in my mind would probably even blush. but the real guy reacted with a pa-swabeng flying kiss--the "I'm Not Surprised You're Into Me and I'm God's Gift to You" kind. or so it seemed to me. na sobrang kina-turn off ko. because that's not my arkin. that's not how i would make him act, if i were the director of the movie in my mind.

when my co-writer and i said goodbye, he flitted and flirted like a typical showbiz guy, like being host to a couple of fans in one of thos man-on-the-street interviews. there was something...VJ-ish about him that i can't even articulate now. there was something that was just...missing, something that i had (mistakenly?) seen on the night that he became My Arkin. well. bubble burster. he really is just a little boy. how can i have possibly thought that he, at 19, would be able to deal with the fame in a more mature, more grounded way. how could i have possibly expected him to be the Arkin in my mind. ni hindi ko naman talaga sya kilala. artista lang sya. nakyutan lang ako sa kanya.

oh well. that movie in my mind starring the idealized him still remains my favorite movie to date.
* * *

i'm sleepy.
hungry.
feeling bloated.
thirsty.
wanting to start working.

* * *

kaya yan. kahit 6 sequences tonight.