goodbye, summer

and it just passed me by.
no beaches, nothing.
not even a huge lababo to dip me-self in.

by choice. i was waiting for the Big Vacation.
the ultimate summer getaway of the year.
and by waiting, i passed on a lot of chances.

that doesn't mean i missed out on a lot, though.
i might have saved myself from a lot of things as well.

* * *

rain in may. i love it.
we love it.
not-so-many rainy mays ago, rainy days used to make me think of love.
now is no different.
rainy day or not.
which doesn't make rainy days special anymore.
and so i have to associate it with other things now.

* * *

keanna is starting to use her claws.
still soft, but sharp. fresh from her mother's womb.
i bought her a litter box and a collar that's too big for her.
i learned about that way too late.
i love her, still. even if she's starting to be clingy.
i hope she doesn't grow up to be one of those annoying types.

* * *

a new movie starts grind on may 9.
hay.
gut feel from first meeting: i'm not so excited about this project.
the feeling has no logical explanation.
is it because puro old-school thundercats ang mga katrabaho ko at ako ang pinakabata sa team?
because i'm afraid of another Compost Movie setup (bloody action movie, bloody continuity, bloody long hours, bloody long shooting days)
because i'm tired of continuity?

bakit hindi ganito ang feeling ko nung sinimulan ko ang Silly Movie two months ago?

and now people are resigning.
the AD.
the PM.
tsk tsk.
i had started with a wrong gut feel.
now i'm a bit tempted, kahit walang rason para umalis.

i'll find out when i see the contract.
because, honestly, it's primarily about the figures.
in this project, i work for that.

* * *

they ask everyone to multi-task. that is, do stuff that's outside of their designated D&Rs.
they asked the AD to buy props. hello?
no wonder he resigned.
they asked the PM to buy props. and today he resigned, too.
if they ask me to buy props tomorrow, i don't know what i'll do.
but leaving is starting to become a very tempting, though impractical, option.

it all depends on the figures.