worst case scenario, ikaw pa ang mapapraning. dahil maiisip mo, "bakit hindi sya nagseselos?!".
hindi pa naman nangyari sa kin yung worst case scenario. i guess i trust him enough now. haha!
* * *
circumstantial. some things are, like this.
sa sitwasyon ng isang tao at this point in his/her life, sa sitwasyon ng mundong ginagalawan nya. if you're looking for someone, you'll find that someone in the first semi-presentable person that comes along.
it just so happened na walang masyadong prospective targets sa buhay nya ngayon. siguro. malamang.
cine-phile is what he calls himself, but everything about him screams film geek in bold neon letters. yun ang pinaka-cool about him, actually (bukod pa sa red plate number ng kotse nyang pinamana ata ng nanay nyang congresswoman). madalang akong makatisod ng film geek sa mga shoots na ganito. hindi ako film geek o cinephile, mahilig lang manood ng pelikula, pero nakakasakay ako sa trip nya. and for that, i considered him a friend.
"close ba kayo?" tanong ni boss direk one time during one of our preprod meetings.
sya ang sumagot, stammering. "ah, eh, sya, kung gusto nya po." and all the guys in the table guffawed at the not-so-suave hirit. all of a sudden naalala ko si osobear, nung peebeebee days na magkatrabaho kami!
ever since he'd text me every off-day, making excuses to meet up. and i'd make excellent excuses to pass. because days off work for me are for family and loved ones, not for co-workers. i mean you see your co-workers 6 days a week, for crying out loud. knocking on the wrong door, buddy, but i didn't take it against him. i was amused. not taking it seriously, but amused.
and then one day at packup i hitched on a ride home sa kotse nyang pula ang plate number. sabi nya, ihahatid nya ko sa bahay kung gusto ko. "nakakahiya naman! dyan na lang sa mcdo, malapit na bahay ko dyan." and that was when the bomb dropped that made my firewalls rise up.
he told me na paulit-ulit nyang sinasabi na malakas ako sa kanya. at malalaki na raw kami, hindi na kami bata, kaya sasabihin na nya. na he wishes that i didn't have a...that there are some things that he wished i didn't have.
i humored him with a laugh. "ok. buti na lang harmless ka."
and as if on cue his car broke down and we ended up stuck on the side of the highway. umuulan pa naman ng malakas. the car wouldn't budge. romantic siguro kung pelikula ito. but it takes two to tango, wango.
soon i got a text msg from boss direk telling me about a meeting in makati that night. i had to get another ride, and someone came to fetch me. much as i didn't want to, i had to leave the poor guy with his broken down car and bail. so much for being a friend. haha.
and since then, i'd been walking with a firewall around me each time he'd be around. the harmless friend has become somewhat threatening to me. uncomfortable to be with, to say the least. syempre hindi nya alam yon, and i will never tell him.
hindi nya rin alam na secretly, i'm flattered. for some reason, cause i don't see him as just like one of those anyone-in-a-skirt kanto dudes. but flattery in this case doesn't promise anything. it's a dead-end feeling, and it will pass. as soon as the movie is done, as soon as he stops.
sabi ng kaibigan ko, sabihin mo yan kay osobear, para alam nya na loyal ka...at pampaselos na rin. haha. cheapest trick in the book, every girl uses it, and i'm no different. so i did.
ang problema kay osobear, para syang american actor. understated acting lagi. konting tanong, konting nuance. kung may reaction man, you'd miss it if you weren't looking closely. natural kasi syang hindi seloso, at mukhang secure ang loko sa loyalty ko. haha. nakakainis, kasi gusto kong maapektuhan sya, pero ok na rin naman. at least ngayon alam na nya. which saves me from the little guilt of feeling like i'm keeping a secret from him. the guilt is unjustified, but it's a bit there.
* * *
children of men.
can't wait to find time to watch it.
it stars clive owen, my most recent hollywood crush.
ang ganda ng death scene ni julianne moore.
oops, gave that away. haha!
* * *
the other day we saw "21".
ang ganda, kahit hindi ako marunong mag-blackjack.
structure wise, clever.
pero somehow, something's amiss. i can't pinpoint what.
i don't know. and i'm not cinephile-lish enough to instantly figure it out.
i need to see it again.
osobear loved the film, though.
after seeing "21", parang nagkaroon ako ng renewed admiration sa mga taong matatalino. parang ang message kasi ng pelikula is, "having brains can make you rich".
at saka, "matalino man ang matsing, naiisahan din".
at na-realize ko din na si osobear, hindi papahuli pagdating sa battle of the brains.
he gets it.
and that's just the thing. what i don't, he gets.
i just wish he wouldn't explain so much while the movie's playing. di ko tuloy naintindihan masyado yung isang portion ng pelikula!
* * *
hay. paperwork. due tonight.
and here i am, rambling.
mas masayang kausapin ang sarili, is what i always say.
bukas, shoot.
buong araw at gabi at magdamag.
first time kong makakatrabaho si p1ol0 p@scu@l.
* * *
"pano mo ba malalaman kung pa-hard-to-get ang isang babae?" i asked osobear one time. we were talking about courtship, and how some men, he says, would court women "just in case makalusot".
"yung hihindi sa una...tapos biglang, 'sige na nga!'"
i paused. a lingering question was burning at the back of my mind. we'd discussed this before, but just for kicks, i asked again.
"eh ako, pa-hard-to-get ba ang impression mo sa kin noon?"
he paused.
"hindi. hard-to-get."
i laughed. because.
"masyado ka kasing easy-to-get non e."
haha :-)
* * *
BACK TO WORK BACK TO WORK!
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