3rd draft, in!

parang agawan base yan e.
paunahan sa pag-touch base.
never naman akong nahuli. pero never ding nauna.
okay na rin. mala-mala.
i'm an average kind of girl.

touch base!

* * *

nag-touch base ako ng around 5:25 this morning. 7 hours late. hah.
buti na lang, imposible ang deadline. kaya i don't feel so bad.
at saka yun nga, 2nd akong naka-touch base. haha.

hay. parang nabunutan ng tinik. for the moment.
ayoko nang basahin yung ginawa ko. akala ko talaga mahihirapan ako. for some reason, the work just finished itself. hindi super dali pero easier than expected.

pero ayokong magustuhan na naman ang sarili kong gawa. ayokong ma-attach. kasi ayokong masaktan o ma-down pag binuwag sya at binalik sya sa akin in pieces.

keri lang, happy lang.
ang sarap mag-blog nang tapos na ang trabaho.
hindi naman ako makatulog ngayon. too relieved to sleep.

* * *

two or three days ago, someone died.
it's the husband of a former co-worker. medyo malayo ang fb connection pero i used to see him alive. kaya nung nabalitaan kong namatay siya, na-shock ako. nalungkot ako. i always get sad when someone i know dies. especially if it's someone i've met when s/he was alive.

shet. i'm sappy. ganito siguro pag tumatanda na. madaling maiyak. madaling maapektuhan.

i'm more scared of death than i'd been when i was in my early 20s.
i'm more attached to family, as well.
siguro nga, it comes with age.

* * *

he used to visit his wife on the set, with their two kids. they seemed such a happy family.

sabi ko sa sarili ko noon each time i would see them, "sana magkaroon din ako ng ganyang life, tulad ng kay dcmg--a successful career and a happy family." she seemed to have it all. and in seemingly good balance.

and then it happened. he died.

kaya lalong saddening sa akin. kasi isang icon ang pamilya nila sa isip ko.
parang cosmic joke. like the universe's cruel way of balancing the scales.

naisip ko ngayon, successful nga syang sobra sa career. kaso ngayon wala na ang asawa nya. kaya binabawi ko na yung sinabi kong gusto kong magkaroon ng buhay na katulad ng kanya. i STILL want to have it all, but just a little of all. a little of everything.

pwede naman yun, di ba lord? di ko kailangang maging sobrang successful. di ko kailangang maging sobrang mayaman. gusto ko lang ng masayang buhay with my family and loved ones. and a career that is fairly fruitful.

the 24-year-old me would never have imagined me saying this, but i'm an average kind of girl with average tastes. average is a good measurement for me. it's balanced. it doesn't upset the universe. it promotes stability, and longevity.

dcmg, di man 'to makarating sa 'yo, i'm sorry about what happened. take comfort in the fact (or faith) that god will not give us problems that we're incapable of handling. he has a plan. and in the end, all will be well.

out of curiosity, chineck ko yung fb account ng husband nya.
ang primary photo nya, picture nilang pamilya. a happy sunny day at the beach.
lalo akong nalungkot.
isang beses, may napanood akong eksena sa tv, a father with two little kids, bigla kong naalala na naman ang story ni dcmg at ng pamilya nya. believe it or not, naluha ako. nanghinayang ako. kasi ang sakit sigurong isipin para sa isang wife. di ba they're supposed to grow old together. di ba they're supposed to see their kids grow up. di ba dapat ihahatid pa nya ang unica hija nya sa altar pag kinasal na 'to. di ba dapat, ang 31 years old, marami pang taon ang ibubuhay sa mundo? di ba dapat ganito, di ba dapat ganon?

hay. everytime someone i know dies, i am reminded of my mortality.

* * *

the human condition. i guess that's what that means. pag naiisip mo na ang nangyari sa isang tao ay hindi imposibleng mangyari sa yo. kaya you nurture empathy and sympathy for the person. that's what makes audiences cry. pag naka-relate sila sa human condition na inilalahad ng isang storya.

* * *

on a happier note, pwede akong matulog buong araw today.
kasi wala pa naman sigurong trabaho na darating.
sana matuloy yung dalawang blessings ni god. sana, sana.

sana din maayos na ang mga tseke ko sa cashier. sana ma-retro na, ASAP!!!

* * *

GRRR. gusto kong maligo.