quiet christmas

merry christmas, cyberworld.

and christmas dinner passed by without much fanfare. i guess christmas has long lost its glitter to me.

at least, the kind of glitter that used to attract me as a kid. now i'm happy enough that i'm with my family and that this year's christmas is definitely happier than last year.

because last christmas was depressing, and i couldn't even write about it here. i was in career limbo--not wanting to go back but not having something solid to look forward to. financially, i was far from stable; i wasn't even zero, i was negative. pero somehow i knew that i still should be happy, because last year i was with my loved ones, and even if at times i'd feel like i was a person with nothing more to lose, i knew that i was wrong to feel that way. i was loved, and in that aspect of my life i had everything.

this christmas i'm thankful that i still am loved, that i still have my family, that i still have the happy things that i had last christmas. and i'm doubly grateful dahil somehow god got me out of that emotional and financial slump. i am not without fears or worries about the future, but i'm feeling better. less negative, so much better.

kaya kahit na worried ako about my mom's aching joints and my dad's blood pressure, kahit disturbing para sa akin ang realization na tumatanda na ang parents ko, somehow masaya pa rin ako. kahit katatapos lang ng last show ko at hindi ko pa alam kung kailan ang next paycheck where the day job is concerned, masaya pa rin ako. dahil may awa ang diyos, and i have faith in him, that everything will be alright. kina-counteract ko na lang ang fears and worries with prayers. na sana, lord, next christmas, i would still have those which are important to me now. my loved ones, my career, a relatively happy life.

and i'm casting out that wish into the universe, too.

* * *

the shotlist is driving me crazy. literally. sumasakit ang ulo ko sa pagkarir sa kanya. trying to make it simple, cost-efficient, easily mountable. sana lang mag-work. sana lang mag-pay off ang sakit ng ulo ko with a hassle-free shoot on the 28th.