long list of longings

right now, i long for these.
1. visit Japan.
2. have our own car. brand-new. paid for in cash.
3. have our own house and lot. na malapit sa bahay ng byenan ko. o malapit sa bahay namin sa Marikina.
4. have our own apartment complex.
5. visit Italy.
6. visit France again.
7. visit Greece.
8. visit Spain.
9. travel all over frickin beautiful EUROPE.
10. EXPERIENCE the Caribbean
11. go on a luxury cruise.
12. go to the US-- NY, LA, SF, and mooore.
13. have our own self-sustaining business. enough para masustentuhan ang family needs, enough para makapagretire ako nang maaga.
14. be rich enough to retire early- around 45 years old. (becayse i want to live long)
15. multi-millions (more than 20 million) in my list of liquid assets (PLEASE, I WANT.)
16. to be rich enough to not worry about old age anymore.
17. to be rich enough to give my parents and my family everything they want and need.
18. land investments.
19. or any profitable passive investment for that matter.
20. our own beautiful house. with a spacious yard for dogs and greens. with 4 rooms. 2 storeys high. not too big, no too small. my own private space where i can work, write, think. a space away from everyone else. i need my space. where i have a desk. i have a window to look out through. internet connection. peace and quiet.
21. to be wealthy. meaning, financially free. meaning, kahit hindi akomagtrabaho for the rest of my life, may income pa rin. may pera pa rin.

ang daming labada. at ito nangangarap ako. gawan mo kaya ng paraan ang mga pangarap mo. magtrabaho ka. may next project na. may raket na isang episode. dagdag din para sa pasko. aside from the christmas bonus. salamat po, lord, sa bagong show. salamat po sa mga prospects in the future.

magshushoot sila sa US at naiinggit ako. kasi kasama ang immediate superior ko, ako hindi. :-( kaya napasama sa list of longings ko ang US. yan ang hirap sa mga karpintero. haha. pero okay lang. kasi at least hindi ako ang humaharap sa mga bossing.

ako ang taong walang ambisyon masyado. bukod sa pera. maraming pera. comfort at kalayaan sa buhay. ironically kailangan mong maging ambitious para makakuha ng pera. ayoko ng responsibilidad na ganun. hindi ko maimagine ang sarili ko sa posisyon ng immediate superior ko. i don't have the personality for that. as karpinero, i'm only responsible for myself and my work. pero yung responsable ka para sa isang team, di ko yun feel. i'm not that kind of person.

i don't see myself as a headwriter, lalo  na magcreative manager. but directing someday, mas nakikita ko pa. maraming bigas ang kakainin, maraming oras araw at gabi angbubunuin para aralin ang pagdidirek sa tv. pero mas nakikita ko ang sarili ko doon kesa sa ibang posisyon na ordinary trajectotry ng mga nasa posisyon ko ngayon. kaya nga lang, the question is kaya ko ba. the question is, may magtitiwala ba.

and the question is, kaya ko bang magsakripisyo at this point to chase that path.  kung sakaling makarating ako doon, malaking pera. bakamacheck ko ang 75% sa list of longings ko. pero marami ding responsibilities. maraming igigiveup. like time for my daughter. time for my husband. ayoko kako maging responsible for other people other thanmyself. pero pag direktor ka you're responsible for an entire crew. ano ba talaga, ate?

ilang beses ko na yang naproseso sa sarili ko. half-baked about it. kasi wala namang kasiguruhan ang lahat. i'm in a good place right now, with people who have been very good to me. my daughter is 5 years old and needs a mother. if i want money, for now, i'll stick to what i'm doing. saka  na natin pag-usapan ang balang-araw.

for now,finish the TTDs. and save, save, save as much as you can while striking a healthy work-life / happiness/frugality balance.