i wrote this days after a friendly date that we had. it wasn't our first date, but it was the first one that was undeniably "pleasant"-- meaning, my guard was down, and i was just enjoying the company of this person, as a friend for that moment.
the other day i went on somekinduva "date" with the same person i'd been somekinda "seeing" for some months now (oo, kahit naturingang fag-hag ako may pagka-semi active din naman ang social life ko no. hehe). masaya naman, baka nga sa ilang beses na nakasama ko tong taong ito nung isang araw lang yung masasabi kong truly enjoyable para sa kin, and i have a nagging suspicion that it was because i kept "screwing" the previous ones with my own self-defense mechanisms. pwede na nga siguro akong magsulat ng Idiot's Guide on How To Ruin a Date sa dinami-dami ng mga sablay ko when it comes to dating decorum. hahaha.
but on that day i was on my best behavior. kasi hihingi ako ng favor. ansama ano. but that was the least i could do to show him that i was grateful. showing him my best side. providing good company. and it wasn't hard, because the months that passed between us have somehow mellowed down the praning-ness in me. haha. dahil mas kilala ko na, somehow alam ko na kung pano i-handle ang sitwasyon, at alam ko kung anong level ng trust ang pwede kong ibigay. so the result was a chattier, more companionable, warmer me. halleluiah.
panahon lang naman pala ang katapat ko. haha. para mag-warm up sa tao, that is. at tratuhin syang kaibigan, at the very least. pero hindi ko alam kung may romantic promise ba ang premise ng storyang ito. kasi ang problema, romantic-idealist ako. nagpupumilit lang maging cynical for the sake of self-preservation, pero in deep, romantic. mushy. adik sa kilig. naniniwala sa fairy tales, sa "magic", sa konsepto ng Ideal Guy. at naniniwala din ako na pag na-meet mo ang isang tao, you will know. kung sya na nga ang taong matagal mo nang hinihintay.
ulch. that sounds cheesy. pero yun talaga ang pananaw ko.
ang problema kasi, may mga taong okay na siguro sa totoong mundo, yung tipong boto ang lahat ng kaibigan mo at buong pamilya mo, pero may nakikita ka pa ring kulang. not necessarily sa kanya; sa buong scenario in general. ewan. baka nga naman ganon naman talaga sa tunay na buhay. baka naman kelangan ko nang tigilan ang pagpapantasyang magkakaroon ako ng isang take-my-breath-away kinduva love affair some fine fine day. pati na rin yung favorite fantasy ko tungkol sa isang alternate universe, kung san straight ang mga bading crushes ko at naiin-love sila sa mga katulad ko. hahaha.
masaya, masaya. my favorite word. masaya naman talaga nung isang araw. parang kulang ang buong afternoon at evening. inosente, walang malisya, walang bahid ng "pamemechay", friendly, companionable. at least i've been in worse dates. i've been with more forgettable persons. in fairness to this guy. and whether he'd still be "around" one year from now or not, i'll always owe him the memories i've kept in Time Capsule #002. regardless of whatever, cause like i said before, there are certain things that a girl won't forget. kahit sino pang tao ang involved.
that's not to say, though, that there's a promise to anything or whatever, of any sort. at all. cause each time the optimistic jekyll in me surfaces, the self-preserving hyde always comes out to neutralize things. it's a defense mechanism that might have its downsides but it has saved me several times in the past. truth remains pa rin. lulutang at lulutang pa rin sya. kahit ano pang sabihin ko sa sarili ko, i still wouldn't want to have jekyll without the security of having hyde.
Dahil sa
kakapanood ng regal movies nina sharon-gabby / snooky-richard /
marical-william, I’d always thought that falling in love would be like being
struck by an arrow. Or hit by lightning. You meet a person, and you’d just
KNOW. Isa yun sa pamantayan ko, sa mga
lumalapit at nagpaparamdam noon—dapat, may fireworks. Dapat may spark.
Pero sa
totoong buhay pala, kadalasan, walang one distinct moment wherein masasabi mo
na nainlove ka sa isang tao. Madalas, walang memorable earth-shaking first
encounter, walang sweep-me-off-my-feet
kind of feels.
Love just…happens. Gradually.
Naturally. It grows on you. Because you choose to let it. You let you guard
down, you trust, you choose to see the guy for the person that he is, not for
the person that you want him to be, or the role you want him to play in your
life.
But then,
it was hard not to assess someone who’s wooing you for the role of Prince
Charming—nago-audition sya e. Haha. When I met my husband, he wasn’t my
ideal. Kung magpapaka-idealistic ako, he
wasn’t the type of guy that I would normally want.
But I think God too care of
me there. He gave me the kind of man that I need. Given the
person that I am. The fragile, fearful heart that I was. He gave me a man, who sticks to his promises and honors his vows. A man who is secure enough with himself not to seek affirmation outside of our union, A man who is a lot like me--in values, in his upbringing, in habits and principles. But is a different version of me. A man who is so patient and stable, he was able to ground and stabilize a volatile beeyatch like me. Thank God for giving me an open mind, the first time that we met, the first time he asked me out on a date. If I had said no and turned him down, I would've passed on the chance of a lifetime-- getting to know someone who could become my true love.
Bata pa lang ako, my mother would voice out
her dreams for me—that my first boyfriend would become my husband, that I’d settle
down with a wonderful husband at age 23 and have kids para maabutan nya mga apo
nya sa akin, etc. Well, hindi natupad yung “settle down at 23” part, all except for that one. Sa totoo lang, my
husband was my mother’s answered prayer. Ang lakas mo talaga kay God, Ma.
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