Christmas is for family

thank you, lord, for this day. a day with nothing work-related to do. (except for one itty bitty thing in preparation for tomorrow's brainstorming).

sa mahabang relationship ng dalawang tao, nagbabago bago ang ratio ng pagmamahal/emotional engagement nila para sa isa't isa. minsan nasa puntong mas nagmamahal si tao1 kesa kay tao 2, minsan naman vice versa.

kami ng anak kong si babybear, nasa isang magandang stage ngayon. a parent's love for his/her child is constant and unwavering, kaya sa relasyong magulang at anak, usually it's the child who changes.  kaya ko nasabing maganda ang stage na ito sa relasyon namin dahil at this point, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagmamahal para sa akin ng anak ko. at 5 years old, she's not too clingy anymore, but she needs me, and wants to be with me, and always looks forward to mama-baby time together. and being the child that she is, she doesn't hold back her feelings, she loves us and lets us know it (following my example, perhaps. hehe). and that makes me love her even more. so the circle of love, the giving and receiving, is alive and well between my daughter and me--and between her and her father, too!-- which creates happy memories every day, even in something as simple as playing plants vs zombies together, or watching Inside Out together, or talking at bedtime.

alam ko darating din ang panahon na hindi sya magiging ganito kaloving sa amin. hindi mababawasan ang pagmamahal, mas lalalim ito, pero hindi na sya magiging kasingdemonstrative like she is at 5 years old. she will need me less. she will be less attentive. growing up she will eventually realize na--oh my God--- mama is just human, not some idol on a pedestal. that mama isn't always right, that mama has flaws.

pero alam ko rin na kahit paglaki nya hindi na nya ako masyadong kakailanganin at hindi na sya masyadong magiging kasing-affectionate sa akin as her 5-year-old version, she will continue to love me, even more than she ever did before, hindi lang nya yon marirealize.

marirealize nya yon, kapag 30ish na siya. even more kapag nanay na sya. kasi ganyan din ang naranasan ko. at 35, i realize that i've never loved my mother this much in my entire life. kahit pa noong 5 years old ako, at sya ang buong mundo ko. mas mahal na mahal ko siya ngayon.

kaso dahil may pamilya na rin akong sarili, at busy sa trabaho, hindi ko mabigyan si mama (at si papa) ng sapat na oras para makagawa kami ng happy memories together. still trying to find time, though. lagi lang akong nagpepray na sana, maging okay lagi si mama (at si papa), health-wise, na mabigyan kami ng mas marami pang taon together (more than 20 years pa lord, please!).

narealize ko, being a daughter has prepared me for motherhood somehow. haha. dumaan ako dyan, kaya alam ko, hindi tayo honeymoon stage forever anak. pero i will make the most of this time, because i want you to have a happy childhood, para pag someday ikaw naman ang naging ina (at SANA MATAGAL NA MATAGAL PA!), you will do the same for your children.

sa March, pupunta kami sa HK Disneyland-- mama, me, my daughter and osobear. excited na ako sa happy memories na magagawa namin doon. sana mag-enjoy kaming lahat, especially my daughter and my mother.