halloween night

six years ago, i was having one of the best halloween nights of me life. i was wading in the gays-in-black district of malate for the first time, with happy fellows, first-timers in malate, like me. masaya yun. hanggang ngayon, naaalala ko pa. every year, naaalala ko, tuwing magha-halloween.

ngayon, i crave for another halloween night out again. after so many years. i'd tried replicating that halloween night so many years ago but so far none has ever topped it. strangely when we were there at that time it was just...awkward, as how anything you'd do for the first time would normally feel. haha. and then we had coffee, and dun ko na-realize how fun it actually was, while having coffee after an awfully awkward first-time experience.

(sidenote: naaalala ko, it was also on THAT night when i learned from a friend na nabuntis ng rapper-dude crush ko yung gf nya. di ako umiyak. pero pinagluksa at pinag-celebrate ko ang news sa malate that night. hehe)

sana this year maulit yung ganong happiness. very soon. as in, two days from now.

* * *

pusang inamoy. inaatake na naman ako ng tamaritis.

malamig, masarap magtrabaho. i have two days. monday's the deadline. i have the liners now. bakit ang tamad-tamad ko?! lahat na ginawa ko except magsulat nang tuloy-tuloy. I HATE IT.

tapos, naje-jebs pa ko. but for some reason pati pagjebs pinu-put off ko. potah! ang script na to ay parang jebs. i have to just get it out of me to relieve myself.

basta nene, talk to me. keep talking to me.

kailangan kong ma-realize na magkaiba tayo ng magiging reaksyon sa mga bagay-bagay. hindi ako ikaw. hindi ka kasing-bitchy katulad ko. and in some cases, you would be passive. you would bow down. HINDI KO MAINTINDIHAN, honestly. kasi in the same situation, i would fight for my rights. i would fight like hell. pero kung sabi ng headwriter ko ay ganon ka, despite the fact na ilang beses ko nang kinontest at ilang beses ko nang tina-try intindihin ang ganong klaseng pananaw, sige a-agree na lang ako. hindi ako nagrereklamo, ha. nilalabas ko lang. my boss would probably have a certain wisdom about these things that i should respect and acknowledge. so susubukan ko na lang na intindihin.

pero kung ako nga ikaw ne, potahenah. sasapakin ko na yang lalakeng yan e. at lalayas kami ng anak ko, gago sya!

hay. time is a-ticking. maybe i should take a laxative.

* * *

party. party, party!

na-guilty ako nung isulat ko yung previous entry. pero dahil sa encouragement na binigay ni W, parang gusto ko pang mag-angst. kasi marami pa over the past two years. hay, akalain mong ang isang tulad ko ay marami palang angst. tina-try ko na ngang maging sunshiney mahoney as much as i can. ehehe.

last year na lang, ang daming carcinogens na tinanggap ng katawan ko dahil sa stress at sama ng loob. wala akong sinisisi (except sa isang kaso na talaga namang hanggang ngayon, parang gusto kong paliguan ng mura yung taong kinamumuhian ko sa workplace last year. gusto ko siyang sulatan dito, pero baka puro bad words lang ang lamanin ng sulat na yon.). pero siguro hindi pa ito yung panahon para i-proseso ko sya. masaya ako e. i feel that i've been saved from that kind of life. and at this point i feel no discomfort, looking back, kasi wala namang bearing ang trauma na iyon sa present life ko. i actually feel happier each time i remember. happier than happy, that i don't have to experience that kind of thing anymore. thank you lord.

pero may mga bagay na may bearing pa rin sa present mo, mga multo na hanggang ngayon minumulto ka pa rin dahil somehow nakasawsaw ang isang parte ng present mo sa kanya.

looking back at 2008, though, dapat mas ganado ako ngayong magsulat, kasi nga, ito ang nag-save sa akin. during those dreary days i dreamed of being where i am now. kaya sobrang nagpapasalamat ako. sobra sobra. KAYA dapat, back to work na!!!!!

syet, ngayon inaantok naman ako. ang lamig, sarap matulog.