WEDNESDAY.
early part of wednesday was somekinda sad. i don't know why. maybe because of the palpitating heart. maybe it was the heat, and having to walk to the bank from the company building in a dress for all to see, under a semi-blistering sun (hindi ako sanay maglakad mag-isa ng naka-dress. weirdly, i feel naked). during the brainstorm meeting i'd felt that i was mentally facing a blank wall most of the time. week 14 is so damn hard for a palpitating heart.
i've always hated making tambay at the neighborhood istarbaks when i'm not with friends or the writing team. there are always too many bigwig people there. i feel diminutive. literally, and else. but that afternoon in the company of non-smokers, i had to smoke outside alone, and people just kept passing by. for some reason, parang nasa takot-sa-tao mode ako. ayokong mag-hi or hello, either out of shyness or fear of coming out as awkward.
naisip ko, later that night i would have to deal with more stuff like this at the grandmama's party. kaya ayoko nang pumunta. pero hindi nga kami nag-brainstorm that night para lang makapunta, nakakahiya namang hindi pumunta. kaya pumunta na lang ako with everyone else.
nasilaw ako sa sobrang pagkastar-studded ng party na yon. i was a wallflower in the company of wallflowers at the Anti-Social table, at ilang beses na ngang dumaan si grandmama para sabihan kami na "makihalubilo naman", at may isang flamboyant gay dude from the unit's promo dept na may "prayer meeting" sa table namin. haha. it felt comforting, to have recluses for company. i felt normal.
high-profile parties, hate 'em. hindi pa nga daw high-profile ang party na iyon ni grandmama, unlike his past ones. pero just the same, the guest list was littered with glittering names. kulang na lang mag-show up sina brad pitt at angelina jolie.
feeling ko talaga hindi ko cup of tea ang showbiz, pero di ko alam kung bakit sobrang flattered ako nang lumapit sa kin at bumeso sina z2njoe, vh0ng, at j@son abal0s. flattered, dahil naaalala pa nila ko. at dahil sikat sila. haha. ayoko sa showbiz pero di ba may pagka-showbiz din yung reaction kong iyon!?
di naman ako nasa-starstruck nang ganito nung nasa productin ako. siguro kasi dahil katrabaho ko ang mga artista. pero sa trabaho ngayon, perks of the job ang ma-meet ang artista. kaya siguro nasa-starstruck ako. or something.
we left the party at around 2 and went straight to a funeral. yup, from party to funeral, on that same night. the father of a writer died so we dropped by to pay our last respects.
tapos nagmidnight snack kami sa isang pizza place para "magpagpag". got home at 4, with a huge headache.
on the way home may pinabaon sa akin ang boss ko that was the perfect nightcap. nothing tangible, just words. just enough for me to want to go on, and keep on til i'm there.
THURSDAY.
lockin. was hyper til 12 then the energy just plunged down til the wee hours of dawn. may lagnat, masakit ulo.
realization of the day: i really should just live and let live.
another nugget was dropped on my lap by my boss. i love her. i don't know if she meant to do it, or even if she meant to do it, i don't know if i can pull it through. cowardly, un-self-confident me. pero bahala na.
was home by 630 am.
FRIDAY.
deadline this monday. wanted to go to cabanatuan but i realized that my script will need some serious attention this time. so i just viewed all the student film entries that the Dep Ed film festival in cabanatuan had sent me. today ko lang binuksan yung LBS bag and was surprised to know na more than fifteen short films pala ang dapat kong panoorin. taenie. so sinimulan ko ng alas-3 at hindi ako tumigil til 3 am. WHEW.
realization of the day: i really should just forget that some people exist when i'm not around them so that i won't miss them at all.
big fat HMPF.
tomorrow i'm off to the mall. will be pinching some chubby boy's cheeks.
FRIDAY.
No comments:
Post a Comment