a day in the life of a somekinda-stress-magnet:
6am. park. maganda ang location. i love the greens, i love the smell of nature. but stress is in the air, at least for me, who had to finish six long daldalan sequences in a span of five hours or less. okay lang sana, pero bawat eksena yata ay tigti-three pages. at puro technical dialogue. kaya wala akong magagawa kundi simplehan. mabuti na lang at maganda ang location. kahit papano, masarap pa rin sa mata pag pinanood mo.
until dumating ang mga oldies na officers daw ng village association na nagmamay-ari sa park, saying na wala kaming permit sa location. medyo na-tense ako doon, pero it was just a wrinkle in the day that was ironed out easily. little did we know na simula pa lang ito ng stress-with-a-big-S na Day 4.
dahil technical ang dialogue, the actors had a hard time memorizing. cut kami ng cut. puro kami cure. understandably naman, kaya sige, go lang. nakabilad sila sa init ng araw at high noon kaya iniintindi ko na lang ang subtle na pagdi-diva ng isa sa mga bida. mahirap nga namang mag-artista, lalo na kung para sa isang corporate video na tulad nito, lalo na kung art ang tingin mo sa pag-arte and you have to recite these long kilometric lines about the benefits of direct selling.
1pm na kami naka-baklas sa park. 75% battery full. a long day ahead, still.
2pm. tiangge. same old problem--the lines. umabot pa sa puntong for every line of dialogue nagku-cure kami. taena. frustrated ako dahil natatakot ako sa editing nito. baka pumingpong ang putcha. hindi ko madiretso. naiinis ako pero pakiramdam ko kasi wala akong choice. wala akong oras, dahil marami pang day exterior sequences, dalawa pa ang company moves namin, at alas-2 na ng hapon.
by 4 pm, baklas na kami to...
4:30pm. public eskinita. at least naman natuwa akong 4:30 pa lang. dahil the last time we were in this location, palubog na ang araw, kaya hindi na namin natapos ang eksena. 2 long sequences to shoot, puro daldalan na naman. pinaglakad ko na lang ang mga bakla habang chumichika. natuwa naman ako sa location. from the green gloss of the park to the gray grit of the eskinita, at least may variety ng milieu. iyon na lang ang something to like sa produktong ito na tina-try naming gawin.
by 5pm, may konting araw pa, kaya pumaspas na kami sa...
530pm. house. may 9pm cut-off kami sa loob ng bahay na ito. 8 yata ang eksena, around 4 of which ni-relocate ko na sa bakuran ng bahay. dahil marami pa akong kukunan, umaga pa lang, ni-turn-off ko na ang karirista button sa loob ko. happy na kong maitawid with the minimally passable elements that i could gather in every shot. acting na medyo OA, acting na medyo kulang, medyo hindi swabeng pan/tilt/dolly ng camera, pinapasa ko na hangga't hindi glaringly panget. pag medyo lang, pwede na. simple na lang lahat, para lang matapos ko ang lahat nang maayos-ayos. better kesa hindi ko matapos lahat, o yung mga huling eksena na kukunan e sobrang panget dahil sobrang pinaspas.
gusto ko ang bahay. naaalala ko yung bahay sa thesis film ko. there's something about houses like this. they appeal to me in a hard-to-explain, subconscious way. kaya masaya ako sa mga shots. masaya naman ako sa karamihan ng mga eksena.
until dumating ang totoong may-ari ng lupa kung saan nakatirik ang bahay na pinagshu-shootan namin and caused a big ruckus.
pinapalayas kami, dahil hindi daw nagpaalam sa kanya. naloka kami. buti na lang hindi ako ang kailangang humarap sa mga ganyan. natengga ang shoot ng kulang-kulang isang oras habang kinakausap ng line producer ko yung galit na galit na may-ari ng bahay. all the while, nagdadasal ako. please, please sana pumayag na kayo. mahigit pitong eksena pa ang kailangan naming tapusin all in all. may 1 house location pa kaming babaklasan within your compound. wala na kaming Day 5, at kung meron man, hindi namin pwedeng kunan ang mga natitirang eksena sa ibang lugar because of continuity. habang naka-tengga kami, nag-isip ako ng fallback option for the worst case scenario pero wala talaga. walang ibang option kundi Day 5. at relocation ng mga eksena kahit sablay sa logic at continuity.
pero mabuti na lang, mabait sa God. pinahupa nya ang galit ng may-ari. nakapag-resume kami. pero by the time na nakapag-resume kami, zapped ang energies ko. nakakapagod talaga ang emotional anxiety. i went through the motions. tv-style. pero alas-3 na ng umaga at kahit na hindi ko na kinakarir, nahihirapan pa rin ang artista sa lines. magagaling silang artista, pero technical kasi ang kailangan nilang memoryahin, at alas 3 na nga ng umaga. kaya umabot kami ng hanggang alas-6 ng umaga.
lasponggol, isang dolly shot. 1 shot sequence. hindi perfect, hindi ngumingiti ang extra na kasama sa eksena. masyado syang busy sa pagbabaraha niya, nakalimutan nyang maging interesado sa ino-offer na brochures at products ng bida. gusto kong mag-take two pero naisip ko, pwede na. and "pwede na" has gotten me through this long, long, long day.
so i said, "pwede na. packup!" and everyone clapped. in relief, probably. dahil akala siguro nila hindi na kami matatapos. akala ko rin hindi na kami matatapos. ito na yatang four-day shoot na ito ang pinaka-challenging na shoot ever for me. sa bawat araw, laging may problema. laging kulang sa oras. laging stress with a big S. pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako. dahil kahit ganon, alaga naman ako sa kape at yosi buong araw at gabi ng mga katrabaho ko. at pag-packup pa namin, binigyan ako ng kliyente ng christmas gift basket at goody bag ng mga produkto nila. happy happy joy joy, dahil mabait ang kliyente namin at mabait ang mga katrabaho ko at kahit lagi na lang akong frustrated sa mga bagay na hindi ko nagagawa nang bongga, i know everything will be fine. raket lang ito, hindi personal ang pelikula, pero hindi yun rason para ibaba ang standards. kung meron mang reason para ibaba ang standards, iyon ay dahil sa nauubusan ka na ng araw. haha.
HAY. isang malaking HAAAAY.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
sleepy day
so sleepy. i think i will sleep the christmas day away.
i just had an ugly dream. ugly, ugly. the subconscious has processed some negative feelings in me while i was asleep. i hope it's all flushed out now.
sitting on a desk, watching keanna sleep. my keanna is just so pretty. my christmas cat. it's her 2nd christmas with us. she's turning 3 this summer.
tomorrow bbbb is coming to town. haha. love pinchable bbbb. we're turning 3 this dec 31. knock on wood. many more happy decades to come.
i just had an ugly dream. ugly, ugly. the subconscious has processed some negative feelings in me while i was asleep. i hope it's all flushed out now.
sitting on a desk, watching keanna sleep. my keanna is just so pretty. my christmas cat. it's her 2nd christmas with us. she's turning 3 this summer.
tomorrow bbbb is coming to town. haha. love pinchable bbbb. we're turning 3 this dec 31. knock on wood. many more happy decades to come.
quiet christmas
merry christmas, cyberworld.
and christmas dinner passed by without much fanfare. i guess christmas has long lost its glitter to me.
at least, the kind of glitter that used to attract me as a kid. now i'm happy enough that i'm with my family and that this year's christmas is definitely happier than last year.
because last christmas was depressing, and i couldn't even write about it here. i was in career limbo--not wanting to go back but not having something solid to look forward to. financially, i was far from stable; i wasn't even zero, i was negative. pero somehow i knew that i still should be happy, because last year i was with my loved ones, and even if at times i'd feel like i was a person with nothing more to lose, i knew that i was wrong to feel that way. i was loved, and in that aspect of my life i had everything.
this christmas i'm thankful that i still am loved, that i still have my family, that i still have the happy things that i had last christmas. and i'm doubly grateful dahil somehow god got me out of that emotional and financial slump. i am not without fears or worries about the future, but i'm feeling better. less negative, so much better.
kaya kahit na worried ako about my mom's aching joints and my dad's blood pressure, kahit disturbing para sa akin ang realization na tumatanda na ang parents ko, somehow masaya pa rin ako. kahit katatapos lang ng last show ko at hindi ko pa alam kung kailan ang next paycheck where the day job is concerned, masaya pa rin ako. dahil may awa ang diyos, and i have faith in him, that everything will be alright. kina-counteract ko na lang ang fears and worries with prayers. na sana, lord, next christmas, i would still have those which are important to me now. my loved ones, my career, a relatively happy life.
and i'm casting out that wish into the universe, too.
* * *
the shotlist is driving me crazy. literally. sumasakit ang ulo ko sa pagkarir sa kanya. trying to make it simple, cost-efficient, easily mountable. sana lang mag-work. sana lang mag-pay off ang sakit ng ulo ko with a hassle-free shoot on the 28th.
and christmas dinner passed by without much fanfare. i guess christmas has long lost its glitter to me.
at least, the kind of glitter that used to attract me as a kid. now i'm happy enough that i'm with my family and that this year's christmas is definitely happier than last year.
because last christmas was depressing, and i couldn't even write about it here. i was in career limbo--not wanting to go back but not having something solid to look forward to. financially, i was far from stable; i wasn't even zero, i was negative. pero somehow i knew that i still should be happy, because last year i was with my loved ones, and even if at times i'd feel like i was a person with nothing more to lose, i knew that i was wrong to feel that way. i was loved, and in that aspect of my life i had everything.
this christmas i'm thankful that i still am loved, that i still have my family, that i still have the happy things that i had last christmas. and i'm doubly grateful dahil somehow god got me out of that emotional and financial slump. i am not without fears or worries about the future, but i'm feeling better. less negative, so much better.
kaya kahit na worried ako about my mom's aching joints and my dad's blood pressure, kahit disturbing para sa akin ang realization na tumatanda na ang parents ko, somehow masaya pa rin ako. kahit katatapos lang ng last show ko at hindi ko pa alam kung kailan ang next paycheck where the day job is concerned, masaya pa rin ako. dahil may awa ang diyos, and i have faith in him, that everything will be alright. kina-counteract ko na lang ang fears and worries with prayers. na sana, lord, next christmas, i would still have those which are important to me now. my loved ones, my career, a relatively happy life.
and i'm casting out that wish into the universe, too.
* * *
the shotlist is driving me crazy. literally. sumasakit ang ulo ko sa pagkarir sa kanya. trying to make it simple, cost-efficient, easily mountable. sana lang mag-work. sana lang mag-pay off ang sakit ng ulo ko with a hassle-free shoot on the 28th.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
stress with a big S
i think i underestimated the stress potential of our marathon 3-day shoot. kaya siguro, somehow, i was caught by surprise. first time ko kasi nakapagtatlong sunod-sunod as a director. nung scriptcon at AD ako, madalas, pero ang kalaban ko lang doon, pagod at puyat. pero pag direktor ka pala, in a way yung pagod para ding sa pagsusulat ng script. may mga moments na gusto nang bumigay ng utak mo. sumasabaw-sabaw na siya. dahil sa pagod at puyat, yes, pero doble yata ng nararamdaman ko pag production staffer ako.
at some point nasabi ko, nakakasawa rin palang magdirect pag sunod-sunod na araw at lagi kang gahol sa oras. pag puyat at pagod ka na at hindi ka na inspired dahil sa nararamdaman mo. i never thought na magsasawa akong magdirect, pero it actually happened at some point. gusto ko na lang na matapos na. andami kong frustrations. as much as possible pinipigilan kong maging emotional, kahit nagu-umapaw ang stress. huhuhu.
feeling ko hindi talaga advisable ang magsunod-sunod na araw. kaso wala kaming choice. may mawawalang artista by a certain date at may hinahabol kaming deadline ng kliyente. pero given our shooting load, dapat talaga may pahinga in between. dahil lahat talaga nagsa-suffer. yung mga tao, yung quality ng nashu-shoot, yung acting. hay.
so maybe it wasn't so bad as i'm describing it to be. i really really hope so. nung first project namin with the same client, hindi rin ako masaya. stressful din siya. pero somehow masaya naman ako sa mga na-shoot. somehow okay pa naman ako. pero dito, taena. nung 3rd day, pangit na pangit ako sa mga na-shoot namin. naghahabol na nga sa oras, di ko pa makarir. it happens, i know. pero may iba-ibang levels ng frustration ang tao. parang nag-notch 10 ako nung Day3. sobra.
Day 1. late ang catering nung umaga. pangit na setback on Day 1 pero optimistic ako. masaya ako nung araw pero pagkagat ng dilim, eto na ang LP ko telling us that we're behind sked at sana bilisan daw namin. na-stress ako. nainis ako, actually. malakas palang makaubos ng energy ang inis at stress. dahil dalawang eksena pa lang ang kinunan namin after that talk, feeling ko lantang gulay na ako. with 6 long daldalan sequences to go pa na may cutoff time. nauubusan na rin ng boses ang bida namin.
sabi ko, sorry, i have to be honest pero hindi ko na makukunan lahat yan. maraming factors kung bakit. location, actors, etc. after a long meeting, nagdecide na kaming i-transpose ang remaining sequences to Day 4. umuwi kami at 2am. 7am ang calltime kinabukasan.
Day 2. late ang art department nung umaga. kaya late na rin kami nakapag-start. pero of the three shooting days namin, day 2 ang favorite ko. somehow satisfied naman ako sa output, kahit hindi na rin pwedeng karirin dahil naghahabol kami ng araw.
1am packup, dahil 4am ang calltime kinabukasan.
Day 3. kailangan kaming pumackup sa 1st location at 12 noon. kaya 4am ang calltime. kaso, nagpatong-patong na yata ang pagod at puyat ng lahat from the past 2 days and took its toll on day 3. late ang AD at DOP, late ang PM at camera eqpt. kaya late na rin kami nag-grind. kaya ipit na naman ako. kailangan na namang simplehan. kailangan na namang magmadali. eh 6 yata ang eksena sa 1st loc na yon.
and ending, at packup, gusto kong umiyak. sa sobrang stress at frustration. sana naman maging okay na ang Day 4. magtu-two units na ako, ibibigay ko na yung ibang eksenang walang audio sa AD ko para tirahin na niya. matapos na lang nang maayos.
so now i'm happy dahil bakasyon ko na. when we packed up nung Day 3 feeling ko ayoko nang isipin ang trabaho. gusto ko na siyang kalimutan. ayoko nang balikan. pero ngayong nakapahinga na ako i can't help it. gusto ko nang unti-untiin ang pagplano ng shotlist ko--yung pinakasimpleng setups--para at least by Day 4 on December 28, hindi ako mase-stress.
at some point nasabi ko, nakakasawa rin palang magdirect pag sunod-sunod na araw at lagi kang gahol sa oras. pag puyat at pagod ka na at hindi ka na inspired dahil sa nararamdaman mo. i never thought na magsasawa akong magdirect, pero it actually happened at some point. gusto ko na lang na matapos na. andami kong frustrations. as much as possible pinipigilan kong maging emotional, kahit nagu-umapaw ang stress. huhuhu.
feeling ko hindi talaga advisable ang magsunod-sunod na araw. kaso wala kaming choice. may mawawalang artista by a certain date at may hinahabol kaming deadline ng kliyente. pero given our shooting load, dapat talaga may pahinga in between. dahil lahat talaga nagsa-suffer. yung mga tao, yung quality ng nashu-shoot, yung acting. hay.
so maybe it wasn't so bad as i'm describing it to be. i really really hope so. nung first project namin with the same client, hindi rin ako masaya. stressful din siya. pero somehow masaya naman ako sa mga na-shoot. somehow okay pa naman ako. pero dito, taena. nung 3rd day, pangit na pangit ako sa mga na-shoot namin. naghahabol na nga sa oras, di ko pa makarir. it happens, i know. pero may iba-ibang levels ng frustration ang tao. parang nag-notch 10 ako nung Day3. sobra.
Day 1. late ang catering nung umaga. pangit na setback on Day 1 pero optimistic ako. masaya ako nung araw pero pagkagat ng dilim, eto na ang LP ko telling us that we're behind sked at sana bilisan daw namin. na-stress ako. nainis ako, actually. malakas palang makaubos ng energy ang inis at stress. dahil dalawang eksena pa lang ang kinunan namin after that talk, feeling ko lantang gulay na ako. with 6 long daldalan sequences to go pa na may cutoff time. nauubusan na rin ng boses ang bida namin.
sabi ko, sorry, i have to be honest pero hindi ko na makukunan lahat yan. maraming factors kung bakit. location, actors, etc. after a long meeting, nagdecide na kaming i-transpose ang remaining sequences to Day 4. umuwi kami at 2am. 7am ang calltime kinabukasan.
Day 2. late ang art department nung umaga. kaya late na rin kami nakapag-start. pero of the three shooting days namin, day 2 ang favorite ko. somehow satisfied naman ako sa output, kahit hindi na rin pwedeng karirin dahil naghahabol kami ng araw.
1am packup, dahil 4am ang calltime kinabukasan.
Day 3. kailangan kaming pumackup sa 1st location at 12 noon. kaya 4am ang calltime. kaso, nagpatong-patong na yata ang pagod at puyat ng lahat from the past 2 days and took its toll on day 3. late ang AD at DOP, late ang PM at camera eqpt. kaya late na rin kami nag-grind. kaya ipit na naman ako. kailangan na namang simplehan. kailangan na namang magmadali. eh 6 yata ang eksena sa 1st loc na yon.
and ending, at packup, gusto kong umiyak. sa sobrang stress at frustration. sana naman maging okay na ang Day 4. magtu-two units na ako, ibibigay ko na yung ibang eksenang walang audio sa AD ko para tirahin na niya. matapos na lang nang maayos.
so now i'm happy dahil bakasyon ko na. when we packed up nung Day 3 feeling ko ayoko nang isipin ang trabaho. gusto ko na siyang kalimutan. ayoko nang balikan. pero ngayong nakapahinga na ako i can't help it. gusto ko nang unti-untiin ang pagplano ng shotlist ko--yung pinakasimpleng setups--para at least by Day 4 on December 28, hindi ako mase-stress.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
mixed feelings...
but i would rather channel hope and optimism, for the sake of 2010. yes lord, i have faith in you. the best has yet to come!
nag-feedback meeting kami kagabi. the last feedback meeting for k@torse. it was the end but i know i will still be working with the people on that table for many more projects. our creative head, whom i still have to learn so much from. our headwriter, who has already to me much but who will teach me more in 2010. our executive producer, who will write more paychecks for me through the years (hehe). and of course, my co-writers, my peers, whom i will work with for many more years to come.
yan ang wish ko. ang dream ko. and i have faith in the lord that he will see me through my dream. naaaliw ako sa creative head namin na maraming anecdotes tungkol sa mga experiences niya with fellow writers nung edad niya kami. gusto kong someday may mga maikwento rin akong ganon sa mga susunod sa akin. the fun stuff, despite the hardships. the humor in the struggles. gusto kong ma-inspire tulad ng kung paano siya na-inspire ng mga seniors at bosses nya noon.
everything will be alright. i pray. i hope. i have faith. i will make more friends. find more families. sow more seeds. deepen my roots. and above all, get better.
* * *
in a way, i'm relieved for the brief respite. i have my christmas holidays off somehow. except for the avp racket. kahit posibleng may bonus at mukhang magiging somewhat prosperous naman ang pasko at bagong taon, nakakatakot pa ring gumastos to my heart's content...nakakatakot gumastos beyond what i normally shell out on ordinary days. kasi hindi ko pa alam kung kelan ang next project, ang next paycheck. kaya siguro kailangan ko munang higpitan ang sinturon, so to speak. need to save up in case of the rainy days.
pero sana, the next project will come soon. by january. sana, sana.
* * *
nag-videoke kami ng co-writers ko last night. mami-miss ko rin ang k@torse team. 16 weeks of scripting. 8 months of work. we were together far longer than that, during our ur s0ng days, and we were a happy team. it was not without the normal arguments over work but compared to most, we got along very well. i'm glad that i've found friends among them.
si n0ringai. swing, swing. brat. mother hen. green. queen of quotable quotes when it comes to j0j0. super maaasahan. masarap kabatuhan. i loved working with her.
si monj. si cinderella among the evil stepsisters. laging may boom mike na nakatutok sa kanya everytime he spews out those quotable quotes out of the blue. haha. i'm happy to have worked with a longtime friend. lalo na dahil sya ang queen of quotable quotes when it comes to gabby. we share a certain fondness for that gabby character.
si b1ng. kasabayan kong pumasok sa team, one year ago. perfect hostess. super nice. di ko makakalimutan ang ilocos vacation namin...sana maulit. hehe.
si s1g. siya ang peg kay gabby noon. strangely, before i never thought i'd like sig, pero i guess he kinda grows on you. lalo na when he's now become so quiet and so pensive after his hospital experience. my heart goes out to him, kasi from someone who used to love to talk, sobrang tahimik na nya ngayon! ang brilliant pa naman niya. kakaiba ang mga take nya sa mga bagay-bagay, very male. siya ang gabby ng grupo.
si ph1lip. he was only with us for a while pero malaking tulong siya sa trabaho. kasi sya ang pinakasenior sa aming lahat, and he's a fast and efficient worker. he's our peg for j0j0. rich angas pero likable gentleman...at close sa ina. mahilig maglasing pero dun yata nya nakukuha ang kanyang creative energy. haha. nami-miss ko ang kotse nyang ginagawa naming carpool tuwing madaling araw pauwi. hehe.
hay. di bale, we will all work together again soon. :-) it's just a matter of when and what show. haha. i will it! universe, hear me!
* * *
so ngayon, on to the next project. bukas simula na ng 3-day shoot namin. good luck sa akin, ngayon pa lang ako magsha-shotlisting. kayang kaya. i will it. magagawa namin to ng mabilis at maayos at maganda. at pa-packup kami nang maayos na oras. at uuwi ako nang masaya. :-)
goo luck to me talaga. lord, help me please.
nag-feedback meeting kami kagabi. the last feedback meeting for k@torse. it was the end but i know i will still be working with the people on that table for many more projects. our creative head, whom i still have to learn so much from. our headwriter, who has already to me much but who will teach me more in 2010. our executive producer, who will write more paychecks for me through the years (hehe). and of course, my co-writers, my peers, whom i will work with for many more years to come.
yan ang wish ko. ang dream ko. and i have faith in the lord that he will see me through my dream. naaaliw ako sa creative head namin na maraming anecdotes tungkol sa mga experiences niya with fellow writers nung edad niya kami. gusto kong someday may mga maikwento rin akong ganon sa mga susunod sa akin. the fun stuff, despite the hardships. the humor in the struggles. gusto kong ma-inspire tulad ng kung paano siya na-inspire ng mga seniors at bosses nya noon.
everything will be alright. i pray. i hope. i have faith. i will make more friends. find more families. sow more seeds. deepen my roots. and above all, get better.
* * *
in a way, i'm relieved for the brief respite. i have my christmas holidays off somehow. except for the avp racket. kahit posibleng may bonus at mukhang magiging somewhat prosperous naman ang pasko at bagong taon, nakakatakot pa ring gumastos to my heart's content...nakakatakot gumastos beyond what i normally shell out on ordinary days. kasi hindi ko pa alam kung kelan ang next project, ang next paycheck. kaya siguro kailangan ko munang higpitan ang sinturon, so to speak. need to save up in case of the rainy days.
pero sana, the next project will come soon. by january. sana, sana.
* * *
nag-videoke kami ng co-writers ko last night. mami-miss ko rin ang k@torse team. 16 weeks of scripting. 8 months of work. we were together far longer than that, during our ur s0ng days, and we were a happy team. it was not without the normal arguments over work but compared to most, we got along very well. i'm glad that i've found friends among them.
si n0ringai. swing, swing. brat. mother hen. green. queen of quotable quotes when it comes to j0j0. super maaasahan. masarap kabatuhan. i loved working with her.
si monj. si cinderella among the evil stepsisters. laging may boom mike na nakatutok sa kanya everytime he spews out those quotable quotes out of the blue. haha. i'm happy to have worked with a longtime friend. lalo na dahil sya ang queen of quotable quotes when it comes to gabby. we share a certain fondness for that gabby character.
si b1ng. kasabayan kong pumasok sa team, one year ago. perfect hostess. super nice. di ko makakalimutan ang ilocos vacation namin...sana maulit. hehe.
si s1g. siya ang peg kay gabby noon. strangely, before i never thought i'd like sig, pero i guess he kinda grows on you. lalo na when he's now become so quiet and so pensive after his hospital experience. my heart goes out to him, kasi from someone who used to love to talk, sobrang tahimik na nya ngayon! ang brilliant pa naman niya. kakaiba ang mga take nya sa mga bagay-bagay, very male. siya ang gabby ng grupo.
si ph1lip. he was only with us for a while pero malaking tulong siya sa trabaho. kasi sya ang pinakasenior sa aming lahat, and he's a fast and efficient worker. he's our peg for j0j0. rich angas pero likable gentleman...at close sa ina. mahilig maglasing pero dun yata nya nakukuha ang kanyang creative energy. haha. nami-miss ko ang kotse nyang ginagawa naming carpool tuwing madaling araw pauwi. hehe.
hay. di bale, we will all work together again soon. :-) it's just a matter of when and what show. haha. i will it! universe, hear me!
* * *
so ngayon, on to the next project. bukas simula na ng 3-day shoot namin. good luck sa akin, ngayon pa lang ako magsha-shotlisting. kayang kaya. i will it. magagawa namin to ng mabilis at maayos at maganda. at pa-packup kami nang maayos na oras. at uuwi ako nang masaya. :-)
goo luck to me talaga. lord, help me please.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
what makes me cry
5pm deadline today, a gazillion sequences to go.
it's so cliche. but funerals and weddings make me cry. i wish i could find the right words now.
it's so cliche. but funerals and weddings make me cry. i wish i could find the right words now.
Friday, December 11, 2009
vigil night
nagsimula nang umere ang week na ni-final draft ko. sobrang disappointed ako. sa gapping. sa editing. sa mga eksenang kailangan na hindi isinama. sa sarili ko.
napa-text ako sa headwriter ko. puno ng HUHUHU. i don't want a lonely end for our labor of love. i don't want a sad ending.
kaya ngayon natatakot ako. nape-pressure ako. dahil ito na naman tayo. enormous responsibility dahil kinuha ko ang responsibilidad ng finale episode. gusto kong umiyak. as in magmalakas na HUHUHU. parang umuulit ang pakiramdam ko nung in-assign akong mag-final draft sa week 14. it's an enormous responsibility and i don't know if i can deliver in time for the deadline.
HUHUHU. sana di na lang ako ang nag-finale. o kung ako man, sana isang script na lang, yung finale na lang po. para makapag-concentrate ako don. diyos ko, ito na naman po ako, nagdadasal na naman sa inyo. tulungan nyo naman ako. i consider my week 14 experience a failure according to my standards, pero sana naman lord maging masaya naman ako this time around. okay lang na duguin basta maganda. okay lang na hindi matulog at ma-stress, basta maganda. hindi lang for my sake, but for the sake of the show. ang pangit ng feeling ng nakakapanood ka ng umeereng episode na panget. masakit sa dibdib.
napa-text ako sa headwriter ko. puno ng HUHUHU. i don't want a lonely end for our labor of love. i don't want a sad ending.
kaya ngayon natatakot ako. nape-pressure ako. dahil ito na naman tayo. enormous responsibility dahil kinuha ko ang responsibilidad ng finale episode. gusto kong umiyak. as in magmalakas na HUHUHU. parang umuulit ang pakiramdam ko nung in-assign akong mag-final draft sa week 14. it's an enormous responsibility and i don't know if i can deliver in time for the deadline.
HUHUHU. sana di na lang ako ang nag-finale. o kung ako man, sana isang script na lang, yung finale na lang po. para makapag-concentrate ako don. diyos ko, ito na naman po ako, nagdadasal na naman sa inyo. tulungan nyo naman ako. i consider my week 14 experience a failure according to my standards, pero sana naman lord maging masaya naman ako this time around. okay lang na duguin basta maganda. okay lang na hindi matulog at ma-stress, basta maganda. hindi lang for my sake, but for the sake of the show. ang pangit ng feeling ng nakakapanood ka ng umeereng episode na panget. masakit sa dibdib.
bored as hell
by what i'm writing. walang conflict. pero di ko naman pwedeng baguhin yung balangkas.
what's worse...yung materyal na emotionally-draining, o yung materyal na walang kalatoy-latoy sulatin?
syempre, the latter. hindi ko na alam kung paano ko gagawing interesting. wala talaga syang conflict e. taena.
tapusin na nga to para maka-move on na ko sa susunod na script. at least yon kahit potentially emotionally-draining, hindi boring. lord help me. i just want to finish Day 5 and move on.
what's worse...yung materyal na emotionally-draining, o yung materyal na walang kalatoy-latoy sulatin?
syempre, the latter. hindi ko na alam kung paano ko gagawing interesting. wala talaga syang conflict e. taena.
tapusin na nga to para maka-move on na ko sa susunod na script. at least yon kahit potentially emotionally-draining, hindi boring. lord help me. i just want to finish Day 5 and move on.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
final stretch
final stretch for the year, final stretch for our tv show.
i will miss both. knock on wood, i love my 2009. it was a year of beginnings and learnings. i hope the remaining days for this year will be as happy, if not happier, than my past 300 or so days. i pray. and thank lord so much. dahil yung mga natutunan at naranasan ko nung 2008, nagamit ko naman para tahakin ang 2009 in the best way that i could.
sobrang salamat lord. you saw me through, not only because i placed my absolute faith in you, but because i know na hindi nyo naman talaga ako pababayaan. siguro ganon lang talaga, kailangan mong maranasan ang malungkot para mas ma-appreciate mo ang masaya. kailangang maranasan ang wala para lalong i-value kung ano ang meron. kailangang mag-hit ng almost rock-bottom, kailangang umabot sa limbo, sa crossroads, sa state of being lost and directionless, para mahanap mo kung ano ang tamang path na makakabuti para sa yo at sa mga taong importante sa yo. year-end senti-ness. hehe.
wednesday ng gabi hanggang thursday ng hapon, marathon brainstorm kami for the last week of the show. kahapon lang din namin nalaman na last week na pala yon. akala kasi namin second-to-the-last. in a way relieved ako. kasi gusto kong mag-break kahit sandali lang. pero in a way, sayang din yung money from the supposed extra week. we're still ending on the same date (early january) pero siguro nakahanap sila ng paraan para ma-stretch ang mga scripts to til week 17. cost-cutting measures.
blessing ang show na to para sa kin. di ko sya makakalimutan. it was my first actual soap, my freshman project papasok sa career na ngayon ko lang talaga sineseryoso. at masaya ako dahil k@torse brought me so much. pride, dahil nakaka-entertain siya ng maraming tao at generally maganda naman ang ratings nya. money, kahit hindi bumabaha, pero this job really helped my family. stability, not only financially but emotionally, as well, dahil maganda ang naging experience ko, writing for the show. nakahanap ako ng bagong home. basta. sobrang nagpapasalamat talaga ko.
pero bago pa ko mag-emote dito kailangang bunuin ko muna ang 2 scripts na naka-assign sa kin for the final week. tight ang deadline. saturday ng hapon. when in my dreariest scripting days i would find myself on autopilot, ayokong mag-autopilot this time around. tutal last week na, gusto kong ibuhos na lahat. kahit maigsi ang timeframe na binibigay. hay.
grabe, 8 months. it just flew. halos di ko naramdaman. april nung sinimulan namin ang conceptualization. naaalala ko nung nasa ilocos ako, on holy week vacation, worrying about a storyline assignment concerning this project. naaalala ko yung 1st script na sinulat ko on pilot week, including the Love Scene that started it all. naaalala ko ang tamis ng unang halik. ang pigtails at first menstruation ni nene.
it was a different kind of rush. a different kind of fulfillment. maybe in a few years i would most likely be not as optimistic as i am now, but i'd like to enjoy this stage in my writing life for all that it's worth. after all, minsan lang tayo magiging infants. minsan lang tayo magiging bata. so i will let it soar.
* * *
the other night i saw er1k matt1's new film "the @rrival" at the ccp with friend beatlebum. taga-tv na ko kaya medyo naiilang na ko sa artsy crowd na nakahalubilo namin doon. haha. pero i was surprised to see so many familiar faces there. hindi rin naman pala napunta sa wala ang freelancing/indie-ing days ko, kasi wealth na ring maituturing yung mga taong nakikilala mo along the way. you never know baka one of these days kailanganin mo ang tulong nila. haha. user-friendly?!
pero masaya. refreshing. to see a film like that. it's far from perfect pero i liked it. i liked its honesty and unpretentiousness. i liked the simplicity of its protagonist. i liked the natural chemistry among the actors, the filmmaker's obvious love for the milieu in which he set the most of his story.
that night may dalawa akong ex-crushes na nakita. yung isa, siya pa ang naunang bumati sa akin (haha, big deal daw sa akin kung sinong nauna?!). sabi nya, "uy, parang kilala kita ah." five years ago, baka kinilig ako. pero marami nang blessings-that-came-a-little-too-late moments na dumaan over the past five years. parang gasgas na plotline na lang sa isang teleseryeng na-stretch beyond its original target run. kaya di na bago. pero worthy of a chuckle pa rin, hehe.
HAY. magsimula ka na, oy. puro ka chika.
i will miss both. knock on wood, i love my 2009. it was a year of beginnings and learnings. i hope the remaining days for this year will be as happy, if not happier, than my past 300 or so days. i pray. and thank lord so much. dahil yung mga natutunan at naranasan ko nung 2008, nagamit ko naman para tahakin ang 2009 in the best way that i could.
sobrang salamat lord. you saw me through, not only because i placed my absolute faith in you, but because i know na hindi nyo naman talaga ako pababayaan. siguro ganon lang talaga, kailangan mong maranasan ang malungkot para mas ma-appreciate mo ang masaya. kailangang maranasan ang wala para lalong i-value kung ano ang meron. kailangang mag-hit ng almost rock-bottom, kailangang umabot sa limbo, sa crossroads, sa state of being lost and directionless, para mahanap mo kung ano ang tamang path na makakabuti para sa yo at sa mga taong importante sa yo. year-end senti-ness. hehe.
wednesday ng gabi hanggang thursday ng hapon, marathon brainstorm kami for the last week of the show. kahapon lang din namin nalaman na last week na pala yon. akala kasi namin second-to-the-last. in a way relieved ako. kasi gusto kong mag-break kahit sandali lang. pero in a way, sayang din yung money from the supposed extra week. we're still ending on the same date (early january) pero siguro nakahanap sila ng paraan para ma-stretch ang mga scripts to til week 17. cost-cutting measures.
blessing ang show na to para sa kin. di ko sya makakalimutan. it was my first actual soap, my freshman project papasok sa career na ngayon ko lang talaga sineseryoso. at masaya ako dahil k@torse brought me so much. pride, dahil nakaka-entertain siya ng maraming tao at generally maganda naman ang ratings nya. money, kahit hindi bumabaha, pero this job really helped my family. stability, not only financially but emotionally, as well, dahil maganda ang naging experience ko, writing for the show. nakahanap ako ng bagong home. basta. sobrang nagpapasalamat talaga ko.
pero bago pa ko mag-emote dito kailangang bunuin ko muna ang 2 scripts na naka-assign sa kin for the final week. tight ang deadline. saturday ng hapon. when in my dreariest scripting days i would find myself on autopilot, ayokong mag-autopilot this time around. tutal last week na, gusto kong ibuhos na lahat. kahit maigsi ang timeframe na binibigay. hay.
grabe, 8 months. it just flew. halos di ko naramdaman. april nung sinimulan namin ang conceptualization. naaalala ko nung nasa ilocos ako, on holy week vacation, worrying about a storyline assignment concerning this project. naaalala ko yung 1st script na sinulat ko on pilot week, including the Love Scene that started it all. naaalala ko ang tamis ng unang halik. ang pigtails at first menstruation ni nene.
it was a different kind of rush. a different kind of fulfillment. maybe in a few years i would most likely be not as optimistic as i am now, but i'd like to enjoy this stage in my writing life for all that it's worth. after all, minsan lang tayo magiging infants. minsan lang tayo magiging bata. so i will let it soar.
* * *
the other night i saw er1k matt1's new film "the @rrival" at the ccp with friend beatlebum. taga-tv na ko kaya medyo naiilang na ko sa artsy crowd na nakahalubilo namin doon. haha. pero i was surprised to see so many familiar faces there. hindi rin naman pala napunta sa wala ang freelancing/indie-ing days ko, kasi wealth na ring maituturing yung mga taong nakikilala mo along the way. you never know baka one of these days kailanganin mo ang tulong nila. haha. user-friendly?!
pero masaya. refreshing. to see a film like that. it's far from perfect pero i liked it. i liked its honesty and unpretentiousness. i liked the simplicity of its protagonist. i liked the natural chemistry among the actors, the filmmaker's obvious love for the milieu in which he set the most of his story.
that night may dalawa akong ex-crushes na nakita. yung isa, siya pa ang naunang bumati sa akin (haha, big deal daw sa akin kung sinong nauna?!). sabi nya, "uy, parang kilala kita ah." five years ago, baka kinilig ako. pero marami nang blessings-that-came-a-little-too-late moments na dumaan over the past five years. parang gasgas na plotline na lang sa isang teleseryeng na-stretch beyond its original target run. kaya di na bago. pero worthy of a chuckle pa rin, hehe.
HAY. magsimula ka na, oy. puro ka chika.
Monday, December 07, 2009
good morning!
weekend activities:
2012 on saturday,
screen tests for the corporate video on sunday.
went home sunday, slept at 8pm, woke up at 4:45am the next day.
contrary to the nega reactions of some friends, i actually enjoyed 2012. mindless suspend-your-disbelief fun. a bit gooey with the pa-family drama at some points but i enjoyed the earthquake cracks and balls of fire and all that.
i've completed my cast list but not 100% confident with my choices. it's amazing how people would troop all the way and spend money and primp themselves just to try out for screen time. i feel almost guilty, because not all of them would get in. and some of them, quite frankly, were just wasting their time and money. :-(
sana di pa kami mag-lock-in for the soap til wednesday. we have an ocular on tuesday. okay na ko na wednesday kami mag-lock-in. please. sana di pa matapos headwriter sa final drafting of week 15, not til tomorrow :-). please please!
sana, sana. masaya ang december 10 paycheck. sana, sana!
sana rin maging productive at masaya ang week na ito. :-)
2012 on saturday,
screen tests for the corporate video on sunday.
went home sunday, slept at 8pm, woke up at 4:45am the next day.
contrary to the nega reactions of some friends, i actually enjoyed 2012. mindless suspend-your-disbelief fun. a bit gooey with the pa-family drama at some points but i enjoyed the earthquake cracks and balls of fire and all that.
i've completed my cast list but not 100% confident with my choices. it's amazing how people would troop all the way and spend money and primp themselves just to try out for screen time. i feel almost guilty, because not all of them would get in. and some of them, quite frankly, were just wasting their time and money. :-(
sana di pa kami mag-lock-in for the soap til wednesday. we have an ocular on tuesday. okay na ko na wednesday kami mag-lock-in. please. sana di pa matapos headwriter sa final drafting of week 15, not til tomorrow :-). please please!
sana, sana. masaya ang december 10 paycheck. sana, sana!
sana rin maging productive at masaya ang week na ito. :-)
Friday, December 04, 2009
dumping garbage for a moment
this has been bugging me for quite some time, it's become a pet peeve.
i really find humility in people quite respectable. sobrang naa-admire ko yung mga taong tahimik lang at hindi conscious sa kanilang self-image. conversely, natu-turn off ako sa mga taong pasikat, those who blow their own horns one too many times, in way too many different ways. it's none of my business, i know, but personally it turns me off. di naman siguro kelangang maging high-profile o image-conscious o pasikat para umunlad ang buhay. para makuha ang gusto. para makuha ang respeto ng mga tao. there are people who can bite but chose not to bark, and they have my respect, not only for what they've done but also for their humility, in spite of what they've done. i have friends like these, at kahit hindi nila alam, sobrang taas ng paghanga ko sa down-to-earthness at pagka-low profile nila. sobrang taas ng pagtingin ko sa kanila for their brilliance and humility combined.
okay. gonna be a long day, prolly. HAY.
i really find humility in people quite respectable. sobrang naa-admire ko yung mga taong tahimik lang at hindi conscious sa kanilang self-image. conversely, natu-turn off ako sa mga taong pasikat, those who blow their own horns one too many times, in way too many different ways. it's none of my business, i know, but personally it turns me off. di naman siguro kelangang maging high-profile o image-conscious o pasikat para umunlad ang buhay. para makuha ang gusto. para makuha ang respeto ng mga tao. there are people who can bite but chose not to bark, and they have my respect, not only for what they've done but also for their humility, in spite of what they've done. i have friends like these, at kahit hindi nila alam, sobrang taas ng paghanga ko sa down-to-earthness at pagka-low profile nila. sobrang taas ng pagtingin ko sa kanila for their brilliance and humility combined.
okay. gonna be a long day, prolly. HAY.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
things to do
friday. work on week 16 begins amongst ourselves.
saturday. day off. hopefully, 2012 and/or a christmas carol.
sunday. casting call for talents for the corporate video. need to complete the cast within today.
monday. shotlisting?
tuesday. ocular.
wednesday. probably a lock-in brainstorm session. week 16. waaah. i'm still drained, mehn. but if the car won't start, you have to keep revving it up.
thursday. probably day 2 of lock-in brainstorm session.
friday. probably writing week 16.
hay. sitting outside the house today, i think i saw a SNAKE crawling past our house, outside the gate. i instantly BOLTED up from my seat and SCREAMED for my dad. as in, "PAPA! PAPA!!!! MAY AHAS!" euw. super-euw. i HATE snakes. they're just another of them animals, i know. pero andami na kasing naging connotations sa mga ahas sa utak ko. just the sight of them terrifies me.
my dad went out and got out of the gate to take a look. he said baka namalik-mata lang daw ako, but i saw what i saw. I KNOW it was a snake. it was fat and long and looking icky with a spotted brownish back. ARGH. it wasn't slithering though, more like crawling straight like a caterpillar. pero parang kasinghaba siya ng lower arms ko. parang more than isang dangkal.
i'm always hungry. all day inasikaso ko yung casting list. yun lang. hay. shoot lang yan. sanay na tayo dyan. at dapat matuto akong mag-delegate ng trabaho. hindi naman kailangan ako ang gumawa ng lahat.
saturday. day off. hopefully, 2012 and/or a christmas carol.
sunday. casting call for talents for the corporate video. need to complete the cast within today.
monday. shotlisting?
tuesday. ocular.
wednesday. probably a lock-in brainstorm session. week 16. waaah. i'm still drained, mehn. but if the car won't start, you have to keep revving it up.
thursday. probably day 2 of lock-in brainstorm session.
friday. probably writing week 16.
hay. sitting outside the house today, i think i saw a SNAKE crawling past our house, outside the gate. i instantly BOLTED up from my seat and SCREAMED for my dad. as in, "PAPA! PAPA!!!! MAY AHAS!" euw. super-euw. i HATE snakes. they're just another of them animals, i know. pero andami na kasing naging connotations sa mga ahas sa utak ko. just the sight of them terrifies me.
my dad went out and got out of the gate to take a look. he said baka namalik-mata lang daw ako, but i saw what i saw. I KNOW it was a snake. it was fat and long and looking icky with a spotted brownish back. ARGH. it wasn't slithering though, more like crawling straight like a caterpillar. pero parang kasinghaba siya ng lower arms ko. parang more than isang dangkal.
i'm always hungry. all day inasikaso ko yung casting list. yun lang. hay. shoot lang yan. sanay na tayo dyan. at dapat matuto akong mag-delegate ng trabaho. hindi naman kailangan ako ang gumawa ng lahat.
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