Friday, September 24, 2004

postscripts from cebu...and what a little flirting can do to you

i'm home...finally. been gone for three weeks. now that i'm home i'm starting to miss cebu. hahaha.

the best thing about being in this job is that every project is an adventure. especially when it's out of town and you got a good director at the helm. my latest adventure is coming to a close. now we have postproduction to trouble ourselves with.

can't help wish that i had chosen to go by ship on the 26th, along with the rest of my co-workers. 18 hours at sea ought to be an adventure. i regret my hasty decision of planing out of cebu this morning for that reason...and then some.

i'm a bad flirt. i don't even know how to. but when i unconsciously, accidentally do it, i tend to surprise myself. hmm, marunong ka naman pala e. sana lang magamit mo sa tamang tao.

Voices from the two-way radio on a tracking scene shot across Mactan bridge:
Me: E---, E---? Come in, E---?
E: Yes, Pink? Miss mo na ko?
Me: (taken aback...but recovering) Sobra.
E: Talaga...!?

I wish I could just sleep this off. Remembering my character lapses makes me wanna sing, "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired, I know..."

Monday, September 20, 2004

little brown sister

It's the 2oth. I'll be home in three days. I think. I hope. I wish. I miss my life, pre-Cebu. I'm such a sucker for sentimentals.

Two nights ago I learned that the River cutie is married...with two children. It doesn't show. I guess with guys it NEVER shows. You can never can tell. And while that little piece of trivia actually managed to erase this itsy-bitsy interest for, like, one day, seeing him sea-soaked in his clothes somehow....changed my mind. Haha. Weno kung may asawa't anak. I'm not out to steal anyone from anyone. Anyway, as if naman mapapansin ako nun. At my present physical state--brownie complexion, dry hair, "taong taga-production" clothes--I'm the farthest from appealing.

Dropping all my vanity rituals actually is fun. Not caring about being baked by the hot sun, not caring if I get dry skin, not caring if I look like a midget in my flat slippers and pinned up hair...I don't have to worry about myself too much...haha. Seeing those artistas get too fussy about how they look made me realize how...mundane one's existence could be if it were centered on one's outside appearance. But nonetheless...hanggang Cebu lang ito. Hanggang matapos ang shoot. Masaya pa ring magpaganda! Hahaha.

One or two shooting days more.

Friday, September 17, 2004

a taste of showbiz in cebu, part two

48 hours ago...
We were rushing to finish shooting a big wedding scene in Argao, Cebu. I was chain-smoking my way towards packup time...and surreptitiously checkin' out that semi-cutie River Phoenix-type from the corner of my eye. Haha.

45 hours ago...
We were shooting at a small hospital at 2 am. One scene was packed up...salamat sa eyebags ng artista namin. (Lam mo naman, dapat beautiful ever ang mga yan!) River Phoenix told me, "Bakit FORTUNE ang niyoyosi mo?" I used to smoke Winston Lights exclusively back in Manila. When I got here (where Winston Lights is practically unheard-of), I learned to adjust my smoke of choice. Tried 'em all--Winston Reds, Marlboro Reds, Fortune Menthol, Hope, heck, even Astro! Hahaha!Needless to say, I've become such a chronic smoker it's reveals how nuts I actually am.

36 hours ago...
Woke up to the smell of the virgin sea in Matutinao Resort, Moal Boal town. From the hospital the night before we had gone straight to this lovely place to spend the would have been perfect if I weren't at work. Somehow that little piece of info dampens my happiness.

32 hours ago...
We were shooting in a private beach near Matutinao. The sun was raging mad but I didn't really mind--I probably couldn't get any browner than I already was. The sea was a brilliant green blue. Working in the midst of such natural beauty is probably the ideal working setup there is.

28 hours ago...
Low tide. Iba palang mag-lowtide dito sa Cebu. Kung low tide, low talaga. As in the sea would literally pull itself away from the shore. We packed up the location at sunset. Picked up some seashells and live starfishes (the shore was littered with them...amazing!!!!).

24 hours ago...
Low-batt na ko. We were finishing a scene inside a suburban house in the city---drab location. Coming from the beach, this place was a bore. Everyone was already tired from the day's shoot, but we had to keep going. Yosi, yosi. Kape, kape. That guy from the Art Department was starting to really annoy me with his ogling. Hindi rin naman ako kagandahan ngayon, iho, so leave me alone--I hate unwanted attention! Makes me want to run away. Shoo, shoo. What do you call it? "stalking" complex?

12 hours ago...
We packed up at 6 am. My gawd. Twas three days compressed into one long, long, long day.

a taste of showbiz in cebu

"Kakaiba rin itong ginagawa natin, ano...kanina lang namumulot ako ng sea urchins sa beach, ngayon naabutan na natin ang mga batang kumakain ng breakfast." - Jomari Yllana at 6 am in a suburban house location, after almost twenty four hours of shooting a movie across the Cebu province.

I'm so tired. I'm so tired. But I think I'm not unhappy. Knock on wood. If given the opportunity, I would want to go through this again. And again, and again.

Three days na lang! And I'm going home!!!!!!

Sunday, September 12, 2004

FIVE things i hate about being a young neophyte in film production:
1. hard labor, relatively small pay.
2.early morning calltimes; late, late packups, playdate deadlines.
3. senior co-workers who power-trip and/or bully you.
4. prima-donna ARTISTAS who power-trip and/or bully you.
5. that nagging, self-stifling feeling of being a tadpole in the raging rapids...especially when you're not sure if you're doing your job right.

It's been a week since I began work on the Cebu project. My first time to work away from home, and I was miserable the first few days--pressures, jitters, homesickness...the works. Schedule was tight and demanding. We were shooting all over the province every single day. One day I was chasing goats in the meadow, another day I was toasting myself brown at the beach (and now I have this hideous tan!). It's an adventure, and not all of it is pleasant, but i wouldn't give this up for any office job in the world.

Maybe I have a temperament that does not belong to showbiz. Maybe I'm not "bakla" or extroverted enough. Maybe I take things (and myself) too seriously, so much so that I often forget to smile while i'm working. But I'm happy with my job. And in deep I know that I'm a good person. I'm happy that there are people who understand me, who know that I only have the best intentions at heart. To hell with the maldita prima donna self-important bitchy artistas of the world. I'm not there for them. I'm there for the job.

Six or seven more days to go. And then, I pray, I can go home now. The director of this project is the second director I've worked with. I've been a fan of his films ever since; my admiration has grown a notch since then. Ganito palang magtrabaho ang isang magaling na direktor. Never settles for "pwede na". Impassioned, dedicated, never runs out of energy (even during the wee hours!). Has an eye for both the big picture and the details. And an excellent gift for telling a story, as well.

The whole day today we shot a sequence at the Badian island beach. I was tired, sweaty, and tanned by the hot Cebu sun, but I liked this day--being useful out there gives me a kind of fulfillment that can't be dampened by a bad case of sunburn. I love it when I'm useful out there. I love being part of the process. There are more than five things I hate about being new in the field, but all that doesn't measure up to the one thing I love about it: I love doing it.

I miss home. I can't wait for the day when I would walk out of the plane and step on Manila soil. Haha, what a paradox!

Monday, September 06, 2004

no place like home, part two

i've only been away from home for two days and i feel homesick already. retiring to our hotel room after 26 hours of marathon work, i'm suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of...emptiness. the room was empty. a sleeping closet for transients like me. like the boarding house i used to stay in during my office-girl days.

god i miss my family! i miss my quiet breezy afternoons alone at the lanai of our house. my pet kittens. playing freecell and minesweeper on my pc. fetching my little brother from school. those yosi sessions at midnight with my cousin michelle. those talks with my mother. i miss every little trivial thing.

two or three more (potentially haggard!) weeks to go. i wonder what god has in store for me. i wonder if i'm in the right direction. no other way to get on ahead in life than to leave your comfort zone...and make each day a learning experience.

Friday, September 03, 2004

a house is not a home until...

I'm looking forward to working again. My mind tells me so. But the rest of me is telling me something else.
My mind tells me I should be rejoicing. Oh yes! After a month of restless hibernation, of warming up that sala couch with my idle (and ever-widening....) fanny, here's something from heaven dropping on my doorstep. Let's keep on working towards what we want, dearie, let's learn and get better project after project, work and learn and work and learn until we're finally There. That WAS the master plan, wasn't it? And that's what my mind has always wanted.

But I'm having palpitations. Losing sleep. Going through every imaginable symptom that points to that horrible, stifling disease: F-E-A-R. I'm scared as hell, mehn. I'm scared of getting out there again. The last project was scalding enough. I'm developing phobia.

Now the house I couldn't wait to get out of has become such a...Home, all of a sudden--a nest, a womb, a safe place. Suddenly I was scared of leaving it. And having to face the world out there. My God. What have I turned into? A big friggin coward!

I know, I know. The only way to get on ahead in this life is to leave your comfort zone. That's what mother said.
Fetuses have to become babies. Babies have to become toddlers. And trainees have to become professionals.
It might take some hard painful labor to make the transition, but there's no other way around it.

I know. My mind comprehends that. So tomorrow I'm going to give life the best fight I can muster. I can only pray that I'll come home smiling. Smiling, Lord...please? Please let me come home smiling.