Sunday, March 18, 2012

numbers numbers

10pm, 38 sequences to go. 12 noon deadline tomorrow.
sakit na ng likod kowwww.

lord, hindi po ako nagrereklamo. naghihinga lang. masaya po ako sa buhay ko, at nagpapasalamat sa mga blessings ninyo. pero sa mga panahong ito...balakid sa untainted happiness ang deadline.

tatlong araw lang ito. paano pa kayo kung lima na.
saan ba makakabili ng speed? ng hyper-energy? ng megasuperultra sharp concentrating powers? gagastusin ko ang isang taong sweldo para lang makabili ng lifetime's supply.

paano kaya nagagawa ng iba? nang hindi nagsasuffer ang ganda? sana, makaya ko rin. kung hindi ngayon, bukas. kung hindi bukas, someday. sa next script na isusulat ko. kung hindi sa next script, sa second next. kung hindi pa rin, sige, kahit sa next show na.

paano kaya nila nagagawa yon? or am i relly just wired this way, and will be wired this way for the rest of my writer's life?

lord, pray po ako sa inyo. thank you for everything...pero isang request po. sana po, bigyan nyo ako ng paunti-unting extra bilis at extra galing...kahit isang gasino isang taon...okay na rin. at least nadadagdagan. :-)

Monday, March 12, 2012

everyday is a day to thank god for...

especially when i remember this point in my life. being transported back to those days, napapausal ako ng pasasalamat. i thank god, for giving the chance to make a decision, 4 years ago. i thank god, for shining a beam of hope on me during those dark, lost, limbo-esque days in 2008.

reading back, i realize now just how painful it all was, writing the experiences with fresh ink and fresh memories. to say that i was miserable was an understatement. i was working on a project that i loathed but had to see through completion, i was counting the days, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. kung hindi ako nagquit sa trabahong iyon, baka ikamatay ko pa.

natapos ang project. relief. joy. then came the realization. i wanted out, but i didn't know where to go. i had nowhere to go. i was 28, feeling lost and directionless, still in mourning over the death of a dream that i had nurtured for the most of my youth. i turned to prayers for hope. praying everyday, for him to lead me sa direksyon na gusto nya para sa akin.

and then, a text came. from a friend, with a door of opportunity. she was god's answer to my prayers. a beam of hope shone upon me. i gave it a try...full of hope yet full of fear...knocked on the door, expecting the best and the worst. and when a friendly face greeted me at the door, i felt relief course through me. i sat through the meeting, gave it my best shot...and the rest was happy history.

thank you, lord. hindi ko maaappreciate ang liwanag kung hindi ko naranasan ang dilim. thank you, thank you. kuntento na po ako sa ganitong lebel ng kasiyahan habambuhay, i'm happy enough with what you've given me. i only pray that i'd never have to go through dark times like 2008 ever again.