freedom to do what i want, what i love, without having to worry about
earning money or losing it.
freedom to travel the world, go to any darn beach
whenever i feel like it, be with my loved ones.
to be able to give my loved ones
everything they need, whatever they want. freedom from financial worries. that's
the "perfect life" for me, at 40.
of course, at 45, 50... pwede pang mag-iba ang
notion ko of the perfect life. i'm just so preoccupied by money right now.
earning it. saving it. growing it. when i was 36, i bought a lot, the most
expensive thing i've ever bought in my life--at hindi pala birong bunuin ang
pagbabayad for something like that. lalo na kung marami kang expenses. at
maraming work-related setbacks na hindi mo ineexpect. many times i'd find myself
thinking, sana hindi ko na lang sya binili. i know it's an investment, pero...
ang bigat nya. tapos ko na syang bayaran, pero technically, hindi pa. siguro
kung hindi ko sya binili, i'd have little bit of freedom right now.
so many
things on my mind. so many things to do, everyday. so many. ganito pala kapag
kwarenta ka na. super-adulting. and in the eyes of my 20-year old self, the girl
I'd been when I started writing in this blog-- boring. puro bills, tasks,
things-to-do.
our daughter is growing, right before my very eyes. on the verge
of pagdadalaga. ang nakakalungkot, dahil sobrang busy ko, hindi ko magawang
maging hands-on sa kanya. she's 10, hindi na naman alagain, but she still craves
for mama time. para bang kulang na kulang. gutom na gutom sa atensyon ko. and
that will always be a source of guilt for me.
siguro, kung hindi ko binili ang
lupa 4 years ago, hindi ko kailangang kumayod nang ganito. mas may time ako para
sa anak ko. or maybe, i'm really just this way. driven for more. driven to be
more. hindi na sa career na binuno ko for the past 11 or so years. kundi sa
isang bagong arena where i am virtually a newbie.
business. manufacturing
business. i'm an online seller. manufacturer of homemade products, which i sell
and market online. this little business takes up most of my waking hours. i've
been at it for almost a year now (the online store is turning 1 year old this
nov 6). it's running me, not the other way around. minsan kahit sa panaginip,
tinatrabaho ko sya.
nakapinid sa negosyong ito ang pinakamataas na pangarap ko.
i look at this as the solution. the key to my dreams, to road to the perfect life. but
as i go along, i realize, how little i know about running a business. how much i have yet to learn. how
badly i need... education.. a mentor, maybe?
the Lord is my
mentor. my guide. He has always been. minsan, nakakalimutan ko. I'm sorry, Lord.
nung nagsisimula ako. I was lost. felt lost and alone. madalas akong makaramdam
noon ng takot.. ng kawalan ng pag-asa.. sandamakmak na doubts. "may patutunguhan
ba itong ginagawa ko? o nag-aaksaya lang ako ng panahon?" and whenever those
doubts and the fear would grip me-- the fear of failure, of having wasted time--
I'd pray. in the kitchen, on the road, at mass every Sunday-- I'd pray. and i'd
be comforted. In the early days of keetow kuzinah, God would give me just enough
para mapanatiling buhay ang hope sa loob ko. just enough divine intervention
moments. the Be Good Store moment. the Radyo Negosyo. the erth organics. those
were "breaks" in my mind, at the time. walang pinatunguhan ang Be Good dahil
nagsara ang lugar. the erth organics did not push through. but those incidents,
"opportunities" in my eyes--- they kept my hope afloat. springing up like a well
inside of me. i remember the high. the grateful heart i had. i'd never felt more
alive during those moments. it reminded me of the time I learned i got the first
job i really really wanted to have. it was bliss.
fast forward to 12 months
later. the pandemic notwithstanding, i am still full of hope. i started with one
product, now we have 5. and now, "I" has become "we"--- my family. i spent maybe
5k as a starting puhunan. maybe more. but now i have invested probably more than
a hundred grand into this thing. a hundred grand and hundreds of days and night
awake and working. cooking and cooking. marketing, selling. bottling, packing,
coordinating deliveries, closing transactions. this business won't be small forever. this business will grow, it has to. dahil ang laki na ng puhunan ko dito. not just money. but time. effort. my whole body and soul. No turning back now. this has to
work.
so nagblog lang ako dahil gusto kong ikwento ang tungkol sa negosyo ko.
haha. sorry. 20yearold me would have been bored to near tears now. but we all
have to have something we care about, deeply. i love my family, they are my
constant. i care about my friends. but besides my longtime constants, this new
business has a very special place in my heart. i don't know if this will work. i
don't know if payayamanin ako nito, like multi millionaire levels. but i will do
my damn best, give it my damn everything, to make those dreams come true. to
make this business grow. into a multimillion peso business. how? i dont know.
but what i don't know.. God knows. and God will always be my mentor.
by 50,
gusto ko nang maging free. free to live the "perfect life", as i see it now, at
40.
SHIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M 40. MY TITAS WERE THE 40 YEAR OLDS. time. the most
valuable commodity in the world.
