Wednesday, January 26, 2005

One Night the Monkey took Over... (part 1)

Only a monkey would do what I did to three people I know last night.
And I was born in 1980. Monkey year. On target.
Hi. Can you be my textmate? I'm Charis, 21/f/qc. Or Joely, 20/f/Sta Cruz. Or some closeted gay seminarian with a girlfriend.
It isn't like wala akong magawa. It isn't like I'm bored to near-coma. I actually am quite preoccupied these days, but it's always been--almost always, that is--my modus operandi for me to do a little "testing" on whoever is my object of affection at the moment.
So I did it to the ArtshyFartsy guy. To my aghast/surprise/disgust, he bit the bait. For three days he continually spent 2.50 to text Charis, the 21-year-old PSBA marketing graduate. Like duh. Me, bleeding heart. Look at how cheap you can be, Mr. Prince Charming-turned-into-a-Frog. Pag ako nga ang nagtetext sa yo Q&A lang tayo. Tapos pag ibang chick na kagat ka agad?
So last night, instead of sulking about this predicament, I did the opposite--texted a good friend and a former "flame" (if you could call it that), using the same trick in the bag.
With hilarious but bittersweet results.
(to be continued)

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

A quote from a Normal Mailer short story that etched itself in my memory:

People are always either looking back at the past or looking forward to the future. They never content themselves with the present.

For all I know, really. Ten years from now I'll be looking back at these times and realize that these were actually the best times of my life.

Oh Lord, I pray not. There are good days and bad days and even bright new beginnings;I have nothing to complain. But I pray for even better times ahead.

So what did Norman Mailer say? Here we go again.

Monday, January 17, 2005

thinking aloud

surreptitiously observing the world zooming past the window of a jeepney, avoiding the eyes of strangers, pondering over the blessed state that i've been (reluctantly) basking in for the past 25 years, i realize for the very first time that i am actually a walking, breathing defense mechanism.

just a thought.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

wanna be in a music video? drop me a note!

got a music video to make. sure, it's another cheesy pop act, but it's still audiovisual work, ayt. and i'm here for audiovisual work. for the experience of creating something, and for the money. oh yeah, bring on the dough baby.

i'm also producer so i have control over finances. one thing i learned from directing these cheesy pop projects is that you should never allow yourself to be exploited, talent fee-wise. better make sure that you're fed well.

but i'm excited. i really want to do these things. direct, and stuff. to say it's on a shoestring budget is a euphemism but i'm gonna work on this. so passing reader, if you're interested to appear on a music video for broadcast on MYX (artist's name is Johann, an upcoming balladeer), drop me a note. We can't promise a sum for your acting talent but we do promise some exposure. flesh, if you wish, but not necessarily. :-)

maybe this is karma. my latest (or more appropriately, last) apol-of-d-eye probably thinks i've got some strong lesbian vibes goin'. he's made more than a few insinuations, and while under normal circumstances such comments would only amuse me--i'm 24 and still boyfriendless, so i must be gay, right?--i found myself annoyed. Pissed. Indignant, even. of all the people who would think that, mehn. what are you, blind? couldn't you see why i was there that night, hanging around when i actually had no business being there? of all people. ka-bad trip.

oh well. so maybe it was karma. "sorry, i'm lesbian" was something i'd used more than once to ward off unwanted male attention in the past. what goes around, comes around. doesn't matter anymore, hartshy fartshy boy. three meetings and four encounters with you ought to be enough for me to realize that you're just another red herring, as far as this romantic-bubblegum version of a whodunit is concerned. and a red herring, a 22-year-old at that, ain't something this weirdo femme fatale would want.

pour me a choco mudslide and take away that magic-dragon pipe. i'm not into it as you probably think. so you think a pothead lesbo is what i am. haha! whatever. just goes to show how little people could know about each other. especially people you've only known for, what, five weeks.

i thank god for my dyipni journey. i'm faring towards the bright light of completion. hopefully. i'm going to make this film. can't wait to go through that bittersweet experience again. :-) :-) :-)

Friday, January 07, 2005

reality bites, my sharona

I hate it when I'm vulnerable to other people.
I hate it when someone can either make or break my day.

I hate you, you oddball.
I don't hate you because you did me any wrong.
I just need to hate you for my own sake.

ah, the trivialities of lahyf.

John digs Mary Mary digs Ron Ron digs Jenny, Jenny digs John...

git me a piece o' fairy tale in a paper cup, ole lennon.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Just between you, God, and me (or Yet Another Monologue on Things that Only the Author Would be Interested In)

Dear Lord,
Please help me write. Please help me finish this thing. Please be my Muse, Lord, please give me a dint of inspiration to carry me through the completion of this thing that I NEED to begin creating by latter half of 2005. I need your help. That's all I'm going to be praying for, for now. Aside from helping my Dad get a new job, that is.
Please, Lord. If I'm meant for this, if I'm meant to, please help me.

Dang. I hate not having my other diary. One way or another I usually have to spill my guts, and that explains the prayer up above.

One thing I realized about me: I don't really like talking about the things that really, really matter to me. Like family. And my Dream. I can talk about the most insipid stuff on earth and bore the disinterested reader to tears with my ramblings on nightmare dates and work-related horror stories but that's just scratching the surface. Spewing out kilobytes from my hard drive memory (and sometimes managing to be entertaining, even)seems a lot easier.

But the megabytes remain untouched. Too massive, too complex to be shared. Haha, yeah right, right.

So what am I up to lately? Between being busy and idle. A part-timer. A comfortable place to be in, but I'm just waiting here. For that phone call that might take me to who knows where again. To yet another adventure. Dang, I love my job.

I wonder if Hartshy-Fartshy has his own blog. Man, I'd give a toenail and an eyelash
to have access to that blog. And maybe some loose change, too.

Can't wait to see you again, you oddball kewlie. I could have tonight, but I choose to be patient. Waiting might yield to even more fruitful results. Oh mehn I hope so.

Monday, January 03, 2005

and so it goes

Just on the brink of a new year, my Microsoft Word program crashes. Bah humbug. Not the best way to welcome two-oh-oh-five, baby.

Why I CAN'T live without Microsoft Word on my PC:
1. It's been instrumental to the chronicling of this boring little girl's life for seven years now. I CAN'T live without my electronic diary. Not even a sounding board of a friend can have as good a memory as my PC. And this blog ain't as trustworthy, either.
2. I NEED to write to carry on a still-unfulfilled dream. That alone makes me think of nothing else. >sigh<
3. It's the only program in Windows that I am almost completely familiar with.

Owkay, enough trivialities.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, passing reader. I love New Years. Cliche'd symbolics and doomed resolutions notwithstanding. Every Tv station probably does this, but I never tire of looking back and looking ahead. I thank God for 2004. Adventure is the word for it.
FEBRUARY - Went to Clermont-Ferrand, attended my first foreign film festival, saw Paris for the foist time. What a high it was, seein the Eiffel from where we were standing.
MARCH - trained as script supervisor for my first feature film.
SEPTEMBER - went to Cebu on location for a film. Adventure of the year!
NOVEMBER - went to Baguio on location for a film. Meninggococcemia notwithstanding, it was a truly creative journey for me.

Whoa well. See ya latah. Gudda go sagow.