wow, bangis nun. my first entry in months and i'm about to spew some serious sh1t. i just finished a 59-sequence weekly ep script and i'm drained like hell. para kong nanggaling sa isang quasi-traumatic experience. sa sobrang pagod ko parang gusto kong matulog ng isang buong weekend.
pero hindi pa pwede. dahil may isang script pa. and i'm expecting this next one to be harder than the previous one. and i only have til tomorrow night to finish it.
i'm no stranger to tardiness. we're bedfellows. a bad bedfellow, that tardiness. i've always wanted to kick it out of my bed.
ideally, after my last submission, i shouldn't stop working. kasi nga may deadline pa. but i just need to rest. and breathe. and sleep. at least for 5 minutes. or 5 hours.
writing ain't no walk in the park. but it's better than most jobs i used to have. better and more rewarding. so kahit ano pang reklamo ko, hindi ko ipagpapalit ang pagsusulat. walang taong perpekto at walang trabahong perpekto. pero kahit hindi sya perpekto, mahal mo.
i don't think i was born a writer. i don't get in The Zone that easily. especially lately. i'm not the type who would write stories during my leisure time (at least, not anymore). i don't have dreams of winning the palanca (...anymore). pero kung anuman ako ngayon---a writer-by-profession, mainstream sellout, whichever way you want to see it---i'm content and happy. i love writing because it fulfills me to a certain extent. i get relatively good treatment because of it. and it pays the bills. i realize that when you get to this stage in your life, you don't necessarily stop dreaming. your dreams just change, become more grounded and practical, more attainable and more real. i don't want to speak too soon--but i think i'm loving these 30ish years. knock on wood.
sa sunday may bday party ang anak ko. saturday kelangang bumili ng regalo. monday may meeting. tuesday onwards, sana malibre ako...kahit tatlong araw lang...o apat...o lima. just enough time to recharge and reboot and just...breathe.