Which actually stumps me, because normally, I'm not a beefcake kinda gal. I never went for pecs, bulging biceps or what have you. Never been attracted to athletes, bodybuilders, wrestlers. I'm a face and personality kind of girl. That's what's always attracted me to guys.
So it's not surprising to me na ngayon ko lang napansin talaga si Papa Hugh, after all these years. He's played guys that are the antithesis of my Ideal. The brusque, the feral, the muscle-man, the all-too-serious, all-too-intense, hardly-smiles, quick-to-punch Bad Boy. That is, until he did "L0gan". Well he's still kinda like that, but.. different. At sa "L0gan" ko pa talaga sya talagang na-appreciate, wherein played this ageing somewhat-deglamorized guy-at-the-end-of-his-line.
Ang weird ko. Kasi parang.. tinamaan akong bigla. Like some arrow just hit me and the arrow was that movie. It just crept up on me, this fascination, then next thing I knew I was like this bumbling teenager.
I wouldn't go so far as to say na kakaribalin na nya ang husband ko (always my test question to mahself: if a miracle happens and he goes after you, would you agree to it? THANK GOD my answer has always been NO). But I'm just overwhelmed, by this new concept of the Ideal. It's kind of out of the box this time. It's so unlike me. And I just need to write about it or else mabubwisit na ang mga tao sa paligid ko dahil puro Papa Hugh ang bukambibig ko (my husband included!)
So I've done this fan thing before, I've always been a fan of someone ever since I was 4 (Hello John in John En Marsha!), Keanu. Kevin. My college professors. Except for Keanu (and a few younger local stars na kinahumalingan ko), all of them fit a certain peg: mature, intelligent, self-assured, stable, trustworthy-looking. Kaya kakagulat itong latest ko. Like some bug bit me. And all of a sudden I was discovering this new person(ality), and it all began with a movie wherein, ironically, he was made to look his worst. So ano yun.. hindi physical?
ano bang meron kay L0gan?
ayokong mambore ng tao pero sorry, I just need to get this out. WHY? WHY??? why am i so taken by you now? after L0gan, bigla kang gumwapo sa paningin ko. I've probably seen a dozen movies you've been in these past 15 years, at wala lang akong pake sa yo. so weird. so...weird.
and then i do my compulsive research and get to know a bit more of what you seem to be, in real life. lalo lang akong natuwa. you're so not w0lverine naman pala. you seem to actually be such a... good guy. A lot like Keanu, only that you can actually act. and that you seem more... conventional? More sociable? you love dogs, you love your wife and you're actually faithful to her. you seem so easy-going and down-to-earth and warm and genuine. and funny, too. So easy to like. you seem like a good father. And all these discoveries have taken my fascination to a different level. You are now the new ideal to me, and it's a bit scary, because I don't want my addiction to Ideals to affect my real life.
my husband isn't perfect, he was also an unconventional choice for me back then. But he's wonderful in so many ways (at guwapo sa mata ng maraming tao! he's more guwapo than I am maganda, truth be told). I know I'm a very lucky wife. so i can't say this is a symptom of dissatisfaction or unhappiness or some psychological kemerut involving our marriage. maybe it's just the way I am, my addiction to Ideals, the romanticist in me. the thrill it brings me, that fangirl excitement that i always go back to, that i always crave for even way before I ever had a semblance of a love life.
which brings me to the last artista i was fangirling over, before you came into the picture-- the star of our latest project. why did it end? maybe because I realized that, IRL, hindi pala sya yung imahe sa utak ko. he's not the enigmatic, innately confident, sophisticated guy I'd thought he was. and it happened, too, with the artista before him. one evidence of imperfection, one unhealthy dose of ugly reality, is all it would take. Guguho ang ilusyon, at di na mababalik uli sa dati. I just want to get those cheap thrills, I'm not in for the ugly thingies, so I get turned off easily, but not without the pain of disillusionment pa rin.
So please, Papa Hugh, don't do that to me. I may not love you guys like how I love the real people in my life, pero masakit pa ring madisilusyon at madisappoint. Please continue to be as achingly handsome as you are. please continue to surprise me in my discoveries about you. please continue to be that charming Good Guy (and yes! keep the beefcake! i appreciate it on you). please let me not hear stories of you cheating on your wife, or being rude to a fan, or getting in trouble with the law in real life, or coming out as gay. please continue to be PERFECT, and i will PERFECTLY LOVE YOU from where I am now. at least, until the magic wears off.
that said.. maybe i can now calm down. dahil i just discovered this AMAZING TV ad tonight. Him, dancing, ala Christopher Walken, in a suit. And my Hugh-loving heart just cannot, because I didn't know that he can dance so exceptionally well. For a really tall guy, that's unusual. So lahat na lang talaga nasa iyo. HAIST!
please Papa Hugh! come to manila!!! kung taipei nga napuntahan mo for the promotion of L0gan, isang kembot na lang sana nandito ka na! PLEASE, PLEASE.. bucket list item ko ang maka-selfie kasama ka. I know you love kids ("Being a parent opens up your heart"- can you believe this guy?!?) kaya ipopronta ko ang anak ko para lang magpapansin sa yo! haha. My babygirl doesn't like you and is kinda jealous of you already ("Puro na lang HUGH J@ckm@n Mama!") but I'm sure you won't be able to say no to a selfie with her.