Tuesday, November 07, 2017

things to do vs things i want to do

There are so many things I want to do. Let me start with the kitchen.

I want to cook the soup recipes I found on Pinterest.

I want to try cooking my mother-in-law's favorite Sinigang.

I want to make and decorate My Little Pony cookies for my little one (everytime we watch the My Little Pony movie, the urge persists! Those ponies are all so cute!)

I want to cook pumpkin soup again.

I want to cookie the new recipe I got from our boss's chef (2nd hand info, but well--worth a try!)

Let's move on to the bedroom. (No.... not what you might think!)

I want-- no, NEED-- to do a major clearing of things. Part ways with stuff that only add to the clutter. Throw away things that I don't need anymore. Let go of my "darlings" (read: clutter)

Let's go outdoors.

I WANT-- no, DESIRE-- to go to the beach.

I want to travel out of the country-- but my passport! huhuhu. I haven't renewed it yet.

I want to lock myself in a pretty resort and write by the beach.

Let's go inward-- those little vanities (I'm not vain enough these days, sadly)

I NEED to get a haircut. But what I really want is a hair spa with a haircut. Or better yet, a hair rebond, hair spa, new color and a haircut.

I NEED to get a waxing session.

Let's do family.

I WANT to spend more time with my daughter. She's growing everyday, time is short.

I want to go somewhere beautiful with my mag-ama --- the beach! -- and just enjoy a relaxing, happy day with family.

I want to go on a second honeymoon with my husband-- and pretend we're still boyfriend and girlfriend.

I want to stay overnight at my parents' house.  And make the most of my stay there.

I  want to take my parents on a vacation they would truly enjoy.

Let's go to the mall!

I WANT to buy a new tray for my oven kasi kulang ang 2 trays kapag nagbebake ako.

I want to buy a new handmixer.

I want to buy that property right beside my mother-in-law's, that rundown apartment between Mommy's and Kuya's houses--- but wait, this is wishful thinking

Which leads me to wishes.

I WISH I had more money.
- To buy a lot of our own, and build a house of our own, right within our comfort zone-- meaning that lot between Mommy's and Kuya's houses (if only they are selling it! Please, sell it! You have no use for it! I know it will cost us a lot, to make this dream come true, and my husband probably wouldn't want to shell out too much because at the back of his mind he believes we don't need our own house and lot bought with hard-earned money, but... I'm going to wish that they would sell the property first. PLEASE SELL THE PROPERTY!)
- To make my parents comfortable for the rest of their lives, and not bleed from the additional money I'd have to shell out.
- To pay in full the lot property I've been paying for since 2016, and will still be paying for the next 3 years. (3 years na lang!!)
- To retire from my day job and start my own full-time business!
- To travel anywhere I want, whenever I want, and not mind how much it would cost me.
- To buy a car and not mind how much it would cost me.

All my other wishes... I'm still half-hearted about. Like being able to direct a first full-length film. Like going back to my filmmaking dream. Like moving up the corporate ladder (because it will give me a bigger salary!). Because I know there are trade-offs for these. But MONEY is concrete. MONEY = COMFORT. MONEY = FREEDOM, to do the things I want to do. MONEY = HAPPINESS. Because money na lang ang kulang.  I'm happy, thank You Lord, for a lot of things about my life. I'm counting blessings everyday. (Well... whenever I remember. But I SHOULD count everyday). My happy marriage. My mag-ama. My daughter. Blessings that are family, who support us in so many ways. A job that pays the bills and provides me fulfillment somehow, a job that matters in the grand scheme of things (at least in the world I am in). Good health (knock on wood, sana lagi lagi po Lord)-- not only mine, but my family's. Enough money to make life comfortable, to get by, to invest a little here and there.

Thank You, Lord. I hope you don't get mad at me for wishing for more... more money, that is.

If I had an extra 5 million pesos, I'd buy a self-liquidating property. Like a building or commercial property with spaces we can rent out.

Then the money that I would earn from that property, I'd use to finance a full-time business. I'd quit my job and focus on the business (pero bago ako mag-quit sa trabaho, dapat nakaipon na ako ng enough to live on for the next five years! All expenses should be covered!).

I can't be sure, maybe my confidence stems from not having enough knowledge, but at this point I think I have enough persistence and passion to be an entrepreneur.  At least those things, I know I have. Once I find the business that is promising and suits me, I'm going to embrace it. And do everything to make it grow.

So there.. so many things I want to do. So many things I wish I could have.

But back to reality. These are the things I need to do. Right now.
- prepare for a 2 pm meeting at work
- go to Cebuana to claim the small downpayment from a cookie client (overdue!)
- go to the bank to pay the monthly amortization for our lot property (overdue! huhu)
- give Philhealth a call to ask something about requirements we need to submit
- go to another bank to pay my accountant
- chaptering for the new show we are writing (Thank You Lord! they are now rolling! sana magtuluy-tuloy na)

Those TTDs, at the top of my head. I'm sure may nakalimutan ako. I'm sure may mga hahabol pa. At siginificant bulk of work ang kakailanganin for the first and last items.

Going back to wishes. How can I forget? I WISH I WOULD LOSE WEIGHT. Like, 30 pounds. HUHUHU. Wishful thinking.

And having a second baby? Yes, I'd like that. But my husband feels we are not financially prepared for it. And I'm halfhearted, too, because I don't know if I am prepared for another bundle of joy at this point. I don't know. Bahala na si Lord.

So on to the TTDs. Need to start ASAP to get a lot done.

Friday, October 20, 2017

learnings from the grind

Some of these I've known a long time but we all needs some reminding every once in a while.

+ Minsan sa kagustuhan mong maitawid ang isang logic detail sa plot, you come up with a solution that may seem ludicrous or unbelievable (when you look at the big picture), and you don't notice it, kasi naka-zoom in ka.  lesson: always check you solution with the big picture.

+ Male bidas, especially father figures or sources of words of wisdom, should not be emasculated by the females. They should have a voice na pinapakinggan, and they should be principled. )Well at least, yan ang standard sa audience na kine-cater namin)

+ Cause and effect. Tempting ang paggamit ng biglaang aksidente, o biglaang pagkikita out of nowhere. But everything that happens should be the effect of something that happened prior, or better yet, the effect of a character's decisions. And the character's decisions should ideally be coming from who they are-- emotional motivation.

+ Be unpredictable. We all know how the story would go. A character who does something unpredictable (pero yung convincing na magagawa nya) is an exciting character to follow.

+ Go emotional. Characters should be driven by emotional motivation. Sino ba talaga tong taong ito and why is she/he doing the things she does? What does she want to happen, what does she want to have? And what does she really need (most of the time, the character doesn't know what she "needs"). It's easier to go plot route or go the cerebral route, but we should always remind ourselves, what the character is really about-- is she a mother? is she longing for her real family? (Yeah, that's the stuff that the stories we sell are made of. family, family)

More  to come. For now, there's a feedback meeting at 430 and have a bunch of things to do before the meeting, cause I foresee a weekend of revising, revising revising.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

karambola weekend

realizations from last weekend:

* Nakikita ko ang full extent ng pagmamahal ko sa anak ko kapag nagkakasakit sya. (But don't tell her that, dahil baka magsakit-sakitan pag gusto nyang magpapansin kay Mama). I worry. I will move heaven and earth just to make sure she's comfortable, and will get better. Lumalabas ang pagiging spoiler ko. tsktsk. Nasa stage pa naman ako ngayon na I'm consciously trying to teach her how to be independent and do things on her own. Pero ibang kaso kapag may sakit siya. Kung kailangang kargahin, gagawin ko (and if you know just how big she already is, at 7 years old--- ulo ko na lang ang agwat ko sa kanya-- you'd know this ain't no easy task).

* I hate making pasyal when there's work to be done and I know I should be doing the work if I know what's good for me. Field trip kasi ng anak ko last Sunday. Hindi ko manejoy ang rare moment na ito with my husband and daughter dahil marami pang dapat isulat at Diyos ko, lagging behind. Sayang lang talaga ang araw, hindi ko na-maximize ang joy.

* Hugh Jackman is getting old, and in my eyes it's a tragedy. Nothing's more tragic than faded beauty. I guess my crush on him has gone past the honeymoon stage. No, Hugh, don't lose it. I wish I can stop time so that he'd look beautiful forever

* I can't enjoy blogging here as much as I normally would when there's work to be done. Just like right now.

Which brings me to my last realization before I go back to work..

* When ordinary ladies show signs that they find my husband attractive, sometimes I feel actually proud. Because this attractive man chose me. :-D Bwahaha. Haba ng hair ko no. Magpacute kayo dyan, ordinary (looking) ladies. I may be ordinary looking too, but I got the prize. Heheh. (Kung maganda ang magpacute sa asawa ko? Ibang usapan na yon)

So Hugh.. sorry. Hindi pala kita ganon kamahal. I admire you for all your other qualities, yes. Pero tanggalin mo yung kaguwapuhan... hindi na kita ganon ka-crush huhu.

And hubby, yes... I'm appreciating you more as time goes by. Kahit maubos pa ang buhok sa ulo mo, malamang pogi ka pa rin sa paningin ko. Now that's what you call love.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Lord, Let Us Do Our Best Work Today

You know the kind of exhaustion that I welcome? Yung tipong itutulog ko lang. Physical and mental exhaustion yung ganon. That's why kahit these days, pagod ako from work, I thank God every single time. Dahil yung pagod ko, tulog lang ang katapat, mawawala rin. Unlike, say, many months ago, kahit gaano kahabang tulog, pagod pa rin ako. Emotional exhaustion never really goes away hangga't nandoon ka sa sitwasyon na nakaka-drain sa iyo, emotionally.

So thank You so much, Lord. Thank You po for everything.

Last night I had wanted to write an entry. Just to remind myself in the future of what life is like for me, these days. I just came from a long day that began at 3pm and ended at around midnight. Three meetings for two different projects. I've had longer days, but last night I came home really tired.  Maraming hurdles na kailangang harapin sa current project namin ngayon, na hanggang ngayon paggising ko yun pa rin ang iniisip ko. Pero gusto kong maging positive. And I AM positive.

This is a challenge. And I want our team to surprise you.  We will surprise you. Gusto kong mahulog ka sa kinauupuan mo sa gulat.

Shet. Tall frickin order.

You know the usual demons that plague people in this kind of work. Am I good enough? Can I do this? Am I creative enough? I think I know myself enough, after 37 years, but you know what? I want to surprise EVEN me. I want to believe there is so much more to me. As a creator. As a skilled specialist. I just need to PUSH myself a bit more.

And yes, PRAY.

I haven't been praying as much these past few years. Except to say thank you. Ayoko na sanang bulabugin si Lord sa mga mundane concerns ko sa life. Alam ko naman na may plano Sya.

Pero this morning I woke up and a prayer just popped into my head-- Lord, please let us do our best work today.

Lord, please let us do our best work today. And tomorrow. And the many days after.

Us. That's a good sign, I think. I'm no longer thinking of just me. I'm thinking about the team. I pray for the team, that we may get past all these hurdles and just fly. Fly and surprise them all.

With God's help. Lord, alam ko po may plano na kayo. Pero I pray, anyway. Let us do our best work today.


My fantasy these days:

Our pilot script for the current soap project, approved by the council. And our boss saying, Congratulations, maganda. 

With pilot script done, schedule is relatively lighter than sched these past four months. So I have time for the things I love. My daughter – tutoring her, being with her, taking care of her, going out with her. My family in Marikina. My cats.  Baking. Cooking. Decorating cookies.

Time with family. Finally, a beach family vacation. Doesn’t matter if we’re in the middle of the rainy season—beach vacations this time of the year are cheaper!

Palawan. By myself. With friends.

Or Batangas, or Subic with family.

Boracay with friends. I wish I could go with a friend or friends who are not busy.  Reliving my 20ish years.  Then coming back to Manila, to work life, reenergized, reinvigorated, ready to fight and work for a living again.

My other fantasy:

A writer-friend's entry to Cinemalaya getting into the finalist category. And me, directing it.

Directing my first feature film. And coming up with a good one. (di pa ako mangangahas mangarap na manalo, at least makagawa ng magandang pelikula, yung magagamit kong business card as a director, sapat na sa ngayon)

Me, making the shift to directing for TV.  And succeeding. Being away from home on taping days. (Hmm. I don’t know. right now I’m not sure if that’s what I really want for a life. Always being out there, taping. I don’t know, Lord. Kayo na po ang bahala)

My other other fantasy:

Having enough money to quit my job. And start a business.

Pag-aalaga sa business full-time. And earning lots from it. getting rich from it. might take a few years para makabawi. But I’d have 1.5 million excess money to spend for the upkeep hanggang sa makabawi nang todo.  

Getting rich from this business. Doing the things I love to do while managing the business. Enjoying life. Going on trips abroad, without having to worry about budget, or time. Europe. Japan. America—taking my parents there to visit Tita Nene!

Sigh. Lord.. money po. yun po ang gusto ko. pero ang kailangan ko.. hindi ko po lam. I just want to enjoy this life and strike a healthy balance between making a living and truly living.

My other other other fantasy:

Losing weight. 20 pounds. I swear, matutuwa ako nang todo.