there's poetry in pain...

and i used to have that in my blog entries, years ago. now, i mostly write about day-in-the-life journals. boring, dry, practical stuff.

but i'd rather write like this than have the poetry come out of my words again. i'd rather be dry and boring than be in pain.

thank you lord. :-)

merry christmas

it's been a crazy christmas. in more ways than one. relative light of workload, but emotionally turbulent. in more ways than one.

i'm a happy mom and wife. i couldn't ask for more. thank you lord. whatever i have done to deserve all these blessings, i don't know. kung wala man, teach me how to pay everything forward. tell me how.

there are things that are just not worth acknowledging. believe in signs. and all signs point to NO. so stop it. stop.

the world revolves on deadlines

speed and quality. in a perfect world, you can have 'em both. and prioritize both. pero pag pukpukan na, at biglang tatawag ang ep to say na kailangang magsubmit ng script in 4 hours, minsan kelangan mong mamili sa dalawa. somehow.

usually, pinaprioritze ko ang quality. kaya usually, erm, nakocompromise ang speed. for a change, these past two submissions, pinrioritize ko ang speed. ang sarap ng feeling nang makasubmit nang mabilis. ang gaan sa pakiramdam, walang guilt, unlike, say, late ka.

pero na-realize ko, after a good night's sleep at binasa mo uli yung sinubmit mo nang mabilisan, ang bigat pala sa pakiramdam. parang gusto mong bawiin yung pinasa mo. suddenly you dread the day when you'd see what you'd written playing out on screen. passable is fine but passable is not going to make a good reputation. and hastily-done, downright ugly work can actually harm you.

not saying it's better to be late than low-grade. pero mabigat din pala sa loob yung trabahong "pwede na yan". lalo na kung alam mong yun na ang eere. parang gusto mo yatang magtago sa ilalim ng kama pag umere na. syempre mas maganda yung magsubmit ng maayos na trabaho and on time. but this is an imperfect world, and i am an imperfect writer. ang good news, though, people can get better. better, and faster.

moral of the story: try and try to be fast and good until you succeed.

at november's peak

and it's an easy-going, work-free night. that's the reason why i work, to earn moments like this.

at 8am, done with work. went to the cashier, collected rice stub, went to the bank, did a little grocery shopping--with one more day free i feel like cooking my free time away; that is, when i'm not bonding with the babygirl or hubbybear. my favorite potato salad is on the cookbook, so is a mission to copycat a director/co-worker's tinapa rolls. yummm. sana kahit hindi ko masakto, masarap naman lumabas.

met with my mother for a little early-dinner bonding session at R@zon's. dapat sana, sa tr@mway timog for the yummy chinese buffet dinner, but we were two hours too early and i was raring to go home so that i could catch aysee bear awake, so we decide to skip the buffet and go to the nearby s@vory. turns out it wasn't as near as i had calculated, at dahil pagod na ang aking uber energetic, 69-year-old mama, napunta kami sa nearest resto around---R@zon's.

i'm a food addict. at least, for today. first time i tasted r@zon's sizzling bulalo, i fell in love. at yun ang dahilan kung bakit pumayag akong bumalik. mama ordered the traditional luglog (sarap, as always), plus the famous halu-halo for dessert. first time kong nakatikim ng halu-halo ng r@zon's. and i fell. in love. again.

wanderlusting. gusto kong mag-travel sa labas ng bansa. europe. south east asia. east asia. america. mmm. kelan kaya uli.

gusto ko ring pumunta ng palawan. salamat sa surv1vor. hehe.

nakakatamad magblog. ewan ko ba. basta masaya ako na kahit papano nakadaan ako sa simbahan today. at nakapagpasalamat. sa lahat lahat. thank you so much, lord.

post-deadline debriefing

wow, bangis nun. my first entry in months and i'm about to spew some serious sh1t. i just finished a 59-sequence weekly ep script and i'm drained like hell. para kong nanggaling sa isang quasi-traumatic experience. sa sobrang pagod ko parang gusto kong matulog ng isang buong weekend.

pero hindi pa pwede. dahil may isang script pa. and i'm expecting this next one to be harder than the previous one. and i only have til tomorrow night to finish it.

i'm no stranger to tardiness. we're bedfellows. a bad bedfellow, that tardiness. i've always wanted to kick it out of my bed.

ideally, after my last submission, i shouldn't stop working. kasi nga may deadline pa. but i just need to rest. and breathe. and sleep. at least for 5 minutes. or 5 hours.

writing ain't no walk in the park. but it's better than most jobs i used to have. better and more rewarding. so kahit ano pang reklamo ko, hindi ko ipagpapalit ang pagsusulat. walang taong perpekto at walang trabahong perpekto. pero kahit hindi sya perpekto, mahal mo.

i don't think i was born a writer. i don't get in The Zone that easily. especially lately. i'm not the type who would write stories during my leisure time (at least, not anymore). i don't have dreams of winning the palanca (...anymore). pero kung anuman ako ngayon---a writer-by-profession, mainstream sellout, whichever way you want to see it---i'm content and happy. i love writing because it fulfills me to a certain extent. i get relatively good treatment because of it. and it pays the bills. i realize that when you get to this stage in your life, you don't necessarily stop dreaming. your dreams just change, become more grounded and practical, more attainable and more real. i don't want to speak too soon--but i think i'm loving these 30ish years. knock on wood.

sa sunday may bday party ang anak ko. saturday kelangang bumili ng regalo. monday may meeting. tuesday onwards, sana malibre ako...kahit tatlong araw lang...o apat...o lima. just enough time to recharge and reboot and just...breathe.