by "real", meaning--
- not soapy or cringe-worthy
- not desperate
- subtle
i have no idea. haven't had sleep since last night, it's 1pm and it's 5 sequences to go before bye-bye owtwowl. (sayang, our cm wil be handling the finale. :-( konti na lang yun e. the most exciting part of the show... stolen thunder!)
yan ang setback ng 1 boyfriend lang ever. wala akong ex. di ko alam feeling ng breakup, o dealing with an ex. pero.. KERING KERI LANG, Lord. Wala po akong intensyong maranasan lahat yan. research na lang po sa ibang tao.
thank you Lord! konting konti na lang! goodbye and sepanx time!
kahit ang dami daming emotions ang naranasan ko dahil saa project na 'to.. mahal na mahal na mahal ko 'to. (pag di ka affected, hindi mo mahal)
Thursday, February 11, 2016
blowing off STEAM
pasalamat kayo at mandated kami na hindi pumatol, pero sa totoo lang kagabi pa ako pikon na pikon sa inyo.
no, scratch that. LAST YEAR pa.
okay lang magcomment kayo pero PLEASE, stop fucking TAGGING me. kung maka-demand kayo parang kayo ang producer at nagbabayad kayo ng subscription?? LIBRE po yan at wala naman kayong box na pinagbabasehan ng ratings kaya pwede? umayos ayos kayo dahil NAKIKINOOD lang kayo sa palabas namin!
wala akong pakialam sa hinahangaan nyo, sumusunod lang ako sa napag-usapan, kaya PWEDE?? BACK. FUCKING. OFF.
hindi kayo kasi makapaghintay. para kayong mga bipolar. kagabi halos murahin nyo pagkatao namin dahil feeling nyo nagmukhang masama si L. tapos ngayon tuwang tuwa naman kayo dahil "naredeem" sya. BAKIT HINDI KASI MAGHINTAY???
and you, whoever you fucking are, calling us out on "POOR WRITING" dahil nagmukhang unsympathetic yung idol nyo? wow, e di IKAW NA ang expert sa pagsusulat at panunuri kung ano ang excellent at poor writing! bago mo kami pintasan, siguraduhin mo na ALAM MO ANG PINAGSASABI mo. ilang taon ang binuno namin sa trabahong ito bago kami nakapagsulat dyan, and i'd like to think na kahit papano alam namin ang ginagawa namin.
bakit hindi yang idol nyo ang itag mo sa tweet mo for her POOR ACTING? dahil sa totoo lang, BANO sya. nagmamakaawa na ang jowa nya with tears pa, ang mukha nya, parang may binubugaw na langaw. the mere fact na you can't distinguish what is WRONG with the scene just goes to show na HINDIOM ALAM ANG SINASABIMO. Stupid with a capital S.
no, scratch that. LAST YEAR pa.
okay lang magcomment kayo pero PLEASE, stop fucking TAGGING me. kung maka-demand kayo parang kayo ang producer at nagbabayad kayo ng subscription?? LIBRE po yan at wala naman kayong box na pinagbabasehan ng ratings kaya pwede? umayos ayos kayo dahil NAKIKINOOD lang kayo sa palabas namin!
wala akong pakialam sa hinahangaan nyo, sumusunod lang ako sa napag-usapan, kaya PWEDE?? BACK. FUCKING. OFF.
hindi kayo kasi makapaghintay. para kayong mga bipolar. kagabi halos murahin nyo pagkatao namin dahil feeling nyo nagmukhang masama si L. tapos ngayon tuwang tuwa naman kayo dahil "naredeem" sya. BAKIT HINDI KASI MAGHINTAY???
and you, whoever you fucking are, calling us out on "POOR WRITING" dahil nagmukhang unsympathetic yung idol nyo? wow, e di IKAW NA ang expert sa pagsusulat at panunuri kung ano ang excellent at poor writing! bago mo kami pintasan, siguraduhin mo na ALAM MO ANG PINAGSASABI mo. ilang taon ang binuno namin sa trabahong ito bago kami nakapagsulat dyan, and i'd like to think na kahit papano alam namin ang ginagawa namin.
bakit hindi yang idol nyo ang itag mo sa tweet mo for her POOR ACTING? dahil sa totoo lang, BANO sya. nagmamakaawa na ang jowa nya with tears pa, ang mukha nya, parang may binubugaw na langaw. the mere fact na you can't distinguish what is WRONG with the scene just goes to show na HINDIOM ALAM ANG SINASABIMO. Stupid with a capital S.
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
ideal
may pattern talaga ako. at mahilig mag-ulit ng sarili.
like this entry from 2009, about michael corleone from The GodFather. palitan mo lang ang mga pangalan, it's like i'm talking about my most recent obsession:
i saw the godfather trilogy again, a week ago. na-realize ko na crush ko si al pacino as michael corleone. the michael corleone of godfather 1 and 2. not only because of the quiet dark sicilian looks. the total package. quiet, sure-footed, brilliant, confident, sophisticated. yung tipong pag binigay mo ang buhay mo sa kanya para alagaan, kayang kaya ka nyang dalhin. kayang kaya ka nyang buuin. o sirain.
i've always feared that kind of man, but strangely i've always found myself attracted to him as well. siguro, nung past life ko, na-in love ako sa ganong klaseng lalake.
al pacino the actor is ok. but michael corleone wins my heart. pero dahil i've come to associate michael with al pacino, intrigued na rin ako kay al pacino. lagi siyang associated din with two of my past crushes --- keanu and kevin, pero ngayon ko lang talaga siya tinitingnan in a new light. matagal ko na ring alam na magka-birthday kami--he turned 40 the day i was born--pero ngayon lang siya nagka-relevance. haha.
galing ni coppola. he creates those worlds so convincingly, i'm drawn to it. they're romanticized in my head. the godfather world, the dracula world, the apocalypse now world. galing galing.
like this entry from 2009, about michael corleone from The GodFather. palitan mo lang ang mga pangalan, it's like i'm talking about my most recent obsession:
i saw the godfather trilogy again, a week ago. na-realize ko na crush ko si al pacino as michael corleone. the michael corleone of godfather 1 and 2. not only because of the quiet dark sicilian looks. the total package. quiet, sure-footed, brilliant, confident, sophisticated. yung tipong pag binigay mo ang buhay mo sa kanya para alagaan, kayang kaya ka nyang dalhin. kayang kaya ka nyang buuin. o sirain.
i've always feared that kind of man, but strangely i've always found myself attracted to him as well. siguro, nung past life ko, na-in love ako sa ganong klaseng lalake.
al pacino the actor is ok. but michael corleone wins my heart. pero dahil i've come to associate michael with al pacino, intrigued na rin ako kay al pacino. lagi siyang associated din with two of my past crushes --- keanu and kevin, pero ngayon ko lang talaga siya tinitingnan in a new light. matagal ko na ring alam na magka-birthday kami--he turned 40 the day i was born--pero ngayon lang siya nagka-relevance. haha.
galing ni coppola. he creates those worlds so convincingly, i'm drawn to it. they're romanticized in my head. the godfather world, the dracula world, the apocalypse now world. galing galing.
the movie in my mind
...is where there is no C and there's only S and the girl, and i can pursue their love story to my heart's content.
in another place and time, another world (another show), you are my male lead, S, that exact same you with the glasses and the GQ clothes, and the overachiever background. you're the same confident, enigmatic in-command boss, and from the beginning til the end... you get the girl.
but in this universe that is owtwowl, naaawa din ako sa yo. because your love is unconditional and giving. at least, it would turn out to be. all they see now is you wanting to steal C's girl, but you're not a bad person. not a bad person at all. nagkataon lang na yung babaeng gusto mo, may asawa.
at least, you're not doing anything about it, not actively, at least (bukod sa one time na nag"bakod" moves ka, at nagpaparty ka para sa kanya, pero nothing clear-cut and explicit, in fairness to you).
i'm all for C and L getting together. of course i am, because theirs is the love story that all of us want to have. but you, S, you deserve a love story of your own. a girl of your own. not necessarily L, but someone deserving of you, you in all your perfection.
 |
| Sir. Wag ka namang ganyan tumingin. ;-P |
3 weeks to go before finale. i'm going to have to post some of my own Happy Memories from this project. sniff sniff.
P.S.
i'm so bad at deadlines. :-( i hope it doesn't jeopardize my career. lol
Thursday, February 04, 2016
final stretch
last 3 days of finale script to write. why does it take so DAMN long to finish? why? why?? and why do i feel like i'm mentally harassing myself nearly everytime?
nalulungkot ako, actually.
look at the bright side. last 3 script days na lang ng owtwowl. at bukod sa mga besos, pictures, pa-lastdays and thank you gifts (kung meron) from peeps from the show, mga important lessons for the next shows to come.
1) next time, kapag sinabi ng boss (as in, pinakaboss) na ganito, wag naman sumunod blind obedience. analyze mo muna, baka kasi may mga namiss out din sila sa dami ng iniisip at dami ng mga concerns na iba. isipin mong mabuti muna. kasi baka mamaya, wrong move pala.
2) emotions-wise, map it up.
3) like designing a house, set a provision for an extension. (good luck..dahil hindi lahat ng concepts ay pwedeng i-extend nang bongga)
4) as much as possible, DO NOT meet the main lead actors/actresses in person. or at least, not until the last 1/8 of the show. (SO, perfect timing ang pagkameet ko in person kay S/P. Love him)
5) daig ng mabilis ang maganda. PERO daig ng MABILIS AT MAGANDA ang mabilis.
one more thing to be thankful for: the next project. thank you lord, for a project with a story that excites me. if you're going to devote so many hours of every day for the next many months to a project, it'd better be something you believe in. and i believe in this! sana po lord, maging masaya ang 2016 ko dahil sa project namin na ito.
nalulungkot ako, actually.
look at the bright side. last 3 script days na lang ng owtwowl. at bukod sa mga besos, pictures, pa-lastdays and thank you gifts (kung meron) from peeps from the show, mga important lessons for the next shows to come.
1) next time, kapag sinabi ng boss (as in, pinakaboss) na ganito, wag naman sumunod blind obedience. analyze mo muna, baka kasi may mga namiss out din sila sa dami ng iniisip at dami ng mga concerns na iba. isipin mong mabuti muna. kasi baka mamaya, wrong move pala.
2) emotions-wise, map it up.
3) like designing a house, set a provision for an extension. (good luck..dahil hindi lahat ng concepts ay pwedeng i-extend nang bongga)
4) as much as possible, DO NOT meet the main lead actors/actresses in person. or at least, not until the last 1/8 of the show. (SO, perfect timing ang pagkameet ko in person kay S/P. Love him)
5) daig ng mabilis ang maganda. PERO daig ng MABILIS AT MAGANDA ang mabilis.
one more thing to be thankful for: the next project. thank you lord, for a project with a story that excites me. if you're going to devote so many hours of every day for the next many months to a project, it'd better be something you believe in. and i believe in this! sana po lord, maging masaya ang 2016 ko dahil sa project namin na ito.
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
spending time i haven't earned yet
boring ang buhay ng isang writer. all the action is happening inside the mind.
kaya eto ako. fangirling again. trying to create inspiration. feeding my dreams, for whatever they're worth.
dahil kay S, naging crush ko na rin tuloy si P who portrays him. (Teenager Mode: ON) at nasa getting-to-know-you stage ako ngayon. narealize ko, medyo artsy fartsy pala siya. 10 years ago, that would've been a plus pogi point for me. nakakasakay pa ako sa mga artsy fartsy types. pero ngayon may "duh" moment na ako--- like he's speaking another language, at may lag bago maabsorb ng utak ko.
must have been my husband's influence, na medyo allergic sa ganyang mga bagay. he's as "vernacular" as any ordinary average joe. he even scoffs at "artsy farsty" types sometimes. nahawa na ako sa kanya, kaya nung binabasa ko ang mga tweets ni P to fans about his favorite movies (Tangerine? what's that? CHAR), favorite songs (di ko na maalala, basta di ako makarelate), favorite animals (extinct daw ba, pwede? HA. PAWITTY KUYA?), favorite places to hang out ("somewhere quiet at the edge of the world", or something to that effect), napapa- "EH"? ako.
the first time he approached us, my boss introduced me. i shook his hand, met his eyes, and he asked me- "first time mong pumunta sa set? or sa set na nandito ako?" sinagot ko, di ko na maalala kung ano, and then there was this lull, and it was an awkward lull, i couldn't help looking away, kundi dahil siya si S sa utak ko, hindi ako maiilang.
okay pa sana yun, until nalaman nyang gusto kong magpapicture sa kanya. aha. fan-alert. kung imamapa ang character ng taong to based on his social media posts, he hates the showbiz side of his job. maybe even has disdain for fans who want to get pictures taken with him. but KEBS ko. gusto kong iimmortalize ang moment na 'to, nung nameet ko for the first time ang favorite character kong si S (na kamukha ni P).
and then the three of us, my boss and i and P sat down to smoke cigs. he was shown the teaser for the show's finale, hestarted talking about fish-eye lenses and stuff, that it would've been great if they used the fisheye for the first shot. ABA ABA, mukhang gustong magdirektor ni kuya someday. (pero napaisip ako dun- fisheye distorts things-- gusto mong gamitin sa mga mukha nyo for the teaser?).
pero fascinated ako, dahil hindi ko mafigure out if this guy is artsy fartsy real or he's just pretending, throwing in big words, wanting to be "iba", nagpapaka-deep, borne from a subconscious attempt maybe to set himself apart from the others. hindi naman siguro. but whatever you are, P. basta si S, kilalang-kilala ko. at least, yung side nya na gusto kong kilalanin. yung ideal side.
P.S.
What is love in one word? Ang sagot nya: "UNIVERSAL". Meh. Parang sagot ng isang hindi pa nainlove. there are a hundred emotional, personal, meaningful words you can use to describe love. and you use what?
What is love in many words? "The only feeling that lasts forever". Argh. Parang kinopya sa greeting card. Di pa nga yata nainlove si Kuya. Buti pa si C, "love is a step above friendship". at si L, "kahit walang kapalit, nagmamahal ka pa rin". At least, may personal stamp nila ang mga sagot nila.
Pero itong si P, sinoshowbiz ang mga sagot. either that, or pa-intellectual.
Dahil sa mga sagot nyang yan, parang mas malapit na kong maniwala na pa-intellectual lang itong taong 'to. Big words pa more, kuya. Tsktsk. Hindi ganyan si Sir S.
kaya eto ako. fangirling again. trying to create inspiration. feeding my dreams, for whatever they're worth.
dahil kay S, naging crush ko na rin tuloy si P who portrays him. (Teenager Mode: ON) at nasa getting-to-know-you stage ako ngayon. narealize ko, medyo artsy fartsy pala siya. 10 years ago, that would've been a plus pogi point for me. nakakasakay pa ako sa mga artsy fartsy types. pero ngayon may "duh" moment na ako--- like he's speaking another language, at may lag bago maabsorb ng utak ko.
must have been my husband's influence, na medyo allergic sa ganyang mga bagay. he's as "vernacular" as any ordinary average joe. he even scoffs at "artsy farsty" types sometimes. nahawa na ako sa kanya, kaya nung binabasa ko ang mga tweets ni P to fans about his favorite movies (Tangerine? what's that? CHAR), favorite songs (di ko na maalala, basta di ako makarelate), favorite animals (extinct daw ba, pwede? HA. PAWITTY KUYA?), favorite places to hang out ("somewhere quiet at the edge of the world", or something to that effect), napapa- "EH"? ako.
the first time he approached us, my boss introduced me. i shook his hand, met his eyes, and he asked me- "first time mong pumunta sa set? or sa set na nandito ako?" sinagot ko, di ko na maalala kung ano, and then there was this lull, and it was an awkward lull, i couldn't help looking away, kundi dahil siya si S sa utak ko, hindi ako maiilang.
okay pa sana yun, until nalaman nyang gusto kong magpapicture sa kanya. aha. fan-alert. kung imamapa ang character ng taong to based on his social media posts, he hates the showbiz side of his job. maybe even has disdain for fans who want to get pictures taken with him. but KEBS ko. gusto kong iimmortalize ang moment na 'to, nung nameet ko for the first time ang favorite character kong si S (na kamukha ni P).
and then the three of us, my boss and i and P sat down to smoke cigs. he was shown the teaser for the show's finale, hestarted talking about fish-eye lenses and stuff, that it would've been great if they used the fisheye for the first shot. ABA ABA, mukhang gustong magdirektor ni kuya someday. (pero napaisip ako dun- fisheye distorts things-- gusto mong gamitin sa mga mukha nyo for the teaser?).
pero fascinated ako, dahil hindi ko mafigure out if this guy is artsy fartsy real or he's just pretending, throwing in big words, wanting to be "iba", nagpapaka-deep, borne from a subconscious attempt maybe to set himself apart from the others. hindi naman siguro. but whatever you are, P. basta si S, kilalang-kilala ko. at least, yung side nya na gusto kong kilalanin. yung ideal side.
P.S.
What is love in one word? Ang sagot nya: "UNIVERSAL". Meh. Parang sagot ng isang hindi pa nainlove. there are a hundred emotional, personal, meaningful words you can use to describe love. and you use what?
What is love in many words? "The only feeling that lasts forever". Argh. Parang kinopya sa greeting card. Di pa nga yata nainlove si Kuya. Buti pa si C, "love is a step above friendship". at si L, "kahit walang kapalit, nagmamahal ka pa rin". At least, may personal stamp nila ang mga sagot nila.
Pero itong si P, sinoshowbiz ang mga sagot. either that, or pa-intellectual.
Dahil sa mga sagot nyang yan, parang mas malapit na kong maniwala na pa-intellectual lang itong taong 'to. Big words pa more, kuya. Tsktsk. Hindi ganyan si Sir S.
Monday, February 01, 2016
the beginning of the end...
...is the finale script. konting ire na lang. pero this one, gusto ko sanang mahalin kahit kaunti. isapuso habang sinusulat.
but, well, not a lot of time for that. because someone's leaving and we have to finish the finale asap. sige na, iraos na. pero susubukin pa ring ayusin.
kung kailan naman patapos na, saka naman ako nagkacrush nang totoo kay S with the looks of P. we dropped by the set the other night, and for the first time, i got to meet this mythical character in my mind. personified. hinihiram lang ang physical aspect ng artista, pero habang pinapanood ang eksena from a comfortable distance, seeing S being brought to life, it's surreal. like a literal dream come true.
S is the type of guy na, pag sinurrender mo sa kanya ang buhay mo, kayang kaya ka nyang dalhin. he's brilliant, successful, sure-footed, with cool, a quiet confidence that puts little man-boys to shame. mahirap syang basahin. he cannot be easily perturbed. if he needs to, he can take charge, without hesitation or uncertainty. but he will never impose himself on anybody. you will naturally gravitate to him. his confidence, his maturity, this strong sense of security that you feel when you're around him, that's part of his charisma.
and those eyes. oh my. dapat lahat ng romantic leading men may ganoong klaseng mga mata. yung may mas malakas na lengwahe kesa sa linyang sinasabi. yung kayang lumandi using his eyes alone. yung mga matang unfair, dahil they can see through you pero ikaw, you can't see through them.
so there he was, looking dapper in his black tie getup, the actor who plays him. yes, i know S is not P and i'm careful to make the distinction this time, but hell, it's a bonus that S has borrowed P's good looks. perfectly cast, this guy.
ang daming reklamo ng mga faney, pero wala na kong pake. kung ako lang talaga ang masusunod, magkakaroon ng sariling show si S at L. they have chemistry, at kung wala nga lang si C ang sarap ituloy tuloy ng love story nila
12:15am. natulog ako kaninang umaga ng 9am to finish liners. will be up all night clickclacking til the roosters crow. gusto ko na rin naman talagang matapos ito para dumalas-dalas ang pagdalaw namin sa set habang nandyan pa si S na kamukha ni P. heehee.
but, well, not a lot of time for that. because someone's leaving and we have to finish the finale asap. sige na, iraos na. pero susubukin pa ring ayusin.
kung kailan naman patapos na, saka naman ako nagkacrush nang totoo kay S with the looks of P. we dropped by the set the other night, and for the first time, i got to meet this mythical character in my mind. personified. hinihiram lang ang physical aspect ng artista, pero habang pinapanood ang eksena from a comfortable distance, seeing S being brought to life, it's surreal. like a literal dream come true.
S is the type of guy na, pag sinurrender mo sa kanya ang buhay mo, kayang kaya ka nyang dalhin. he's brilliant, successful, sure-footed, with cool, a quiet confidence that puts little man-boys to shame. mahirap syang basahin. he cannot be easily perturbed. if he needs to, he can take charge, without hesitation or uncertainty. but he will never impose himself on anybody. you will naturally gravitate to him. his confidence, his maturity, this strong sense of security that you feel when you're around him, that's part of his charisma.
and those eyes. oh my. dapat lahat ng romantic leading men may ganoong klaseng mga mata. yung may mas malakas na lengwahe kesa sa linyang sinasabi. yung kayang lumandi using his eyes alone. yung mga matang unfair, dahil they can see through you pero ikaw, you can't see through them.
so there he was, looking dapper in his black tie getup, the actor who plays him. yes, i know S is not P and i'm careful to make the distinction this time, but hell, it's a bonus that S has borrowed P's good looks. perfectly cast, this guy.
ang daming reklamo ng mga faney, pero wala na kong pake. kung ako lang talaga ang masusunod, magkakaroon ng sariling show si S at L. they have chemistry, at kung wala nga lang si C ang sarap ituloy tuloy ng love story nila
12:15am. natulog ako kaninang umaga ng 9am to finish liners. will be up all night clickclacking til the roosters crow. gusto ko na rin naman talagang matapos ito para dumalas-dalas ang pagdalaw namin sa set habang nandyan pa si S na kamukha ni P. heehee.
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