gusto kong maging downloadable...

...kahit may asawa't anak na. pwede ba yon? universe, i will it. ivi-visualize ko na para magkatotoo, ayon sa The Secret. healthy yon para sa self-esteem ng isang babae, to still be downloadable no matter what her role or status in life is.

haha. pasensya na. may virus lang ako ngayon sa utak. pampa-GV lang on a wet rainy early evening ;-) bago maki-UBE kasama ang workada ;-0

kundi nyo magets ang sinasabi ko, manood na lang kayo ng GR0W1NG UP sa September 4 sa channel 2, sunday ng hapon. Yun na!

releasing f***g garbage

there is no other way to get the work done other than just getting it down. taena. nasan na ba ang latigo? work, bitch work! i don't friggin care if you're tired or whatever, you only have today to finish fucking EVERYTHING because tomorrow belongs to you daughter, you hear me? and if you don't finish everything today i'm going to really, really really hate you. bitch.

one sparkling moment yesterday: phone beeped, and it was the most unexpected person. i thought it was osobear. it was just. surreal. at that very moment i had this feeling that i'm the person who can make her wishes come true. wish for it, it will happen. just like that feeling more than 10 years ago.

stupid bitch, work! stop gloating and floating, dammit!

proud momma time once again

bilang birthday month ito ng pinakamamahal kong babygirl, here's a few glimpses of her development over the past 12 months. mula sa 6 pound yellow-brown baby na niluwal ko noong augsut 23, 2010, she has grown into the healthy, happy baby who now has two front teeth and another one on the way.

at 11 months and 2 weeks, she's cuter than a button and more adorable than A in this doting mother's eyes, but remembering her days as a sweet little newborn moves me to near-tears. ewan ko. iba ang impact sa akin ng memories ko of audrey christi nung mga panahong yon. i get uber sentimental. grabe ang sense-memory faculties ko during those days.

even today, pag may nakikita akong bagong panganak na baby, i get transported to my memory of my daughter when she was that age. and no matter what my mood is, i would be softened, warmed inside, just being reminded of my child in the early days of her life, small, helpless and completely dependent on me.

more taboo things to laugh about...

but i really hope it stops soon. it ain't gonna be funny if it's gonna be serious. so i really hope, sana gumawa ng paraan ang diyos. na tanggalin na ang laughter at fascination sa akin. dahil kung didibdibin ko, it's gonna be a serious matter, and i don't want it in my life. i shouldn't want it in my life.

pero ewan. hati ako. gusto kong tumawa. i'm sure you got it wrong, 99.5 percent. yung .5 percent, gusto kong ibigay sa sarili ko. sige na nga, umasa ka kahit papano. harmless naman. pero taboo e. di dapat. for a million more reasons than ever before.

ang weird lang, na may sasabihin kang ganon. considering how i feel about the matter. something i've never shared to anyone. to share it is to acknowledge its existence. ayokong i-acknowledge. gusto ko na lang na may gawin ang diyos para mawala yung feeling ko. about the matter.

eto na naman ako. it's the wrong time for stuff like this. and i'm already the wrong person for it.

crazy day

yesterday was a crazy day. 1 powerpoint to rush and i didn't have the faintest idea how to revise it. 1 long pitch to "memorize" but my mind was preoccupied with the powerpoint i still had to do. 2 weeks' worth of scripts to revise in time for monday, but since monday pa yon, inuuna ko muna yung mas urgent. pero ang hirap ng conceptualizing level, lalo na kung lost ka na sa directive na susundin mo. sa direksyong tatahakin mo. lalo na kung mag-isa ka lang. at lalo na kung may babygirl ka na may separation anxiety from you dahil nangingilala pa sa bago nyang yaya. at lalong lalong lalo na kung may trangkaso, sipon at ubo ka habang kailangang gawin lahat ng ito.


at eto pa...kelangan mo ring maglipat ng gamit sa kabilang bahay dahil sa monday, darating na ang may-ari ng bahay na tinitirhan mo sa ngayon. 1 month kang magiging nomad. and with so many things to do, wala ka pang nalilipat ni isang piraso ng gamit. dahil hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang minuto ng araw na yon, nasa conceptualizing level ka pa rin. lost pa rin. caught in a freezeframe, watching the TTDs zooming around and over you. nagreverse reaction ka. instead of panicking towards action, nag-hang ka.

pero lahat pala talaga--or most, at least---may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari. di ko maintindihan kung bakit somehow hindi ko matapos-tapos ang conceptualizing part ng powerpoint na yon. yun pala, hindi rin ako pagpepresent-in today. thank you lord. kahit nginarag ko ang sarili ko all day all night sa kakaisip, at prepared na kong mathumbs down kanina dahil hindi ako masaya sa lumabas. thank god talaga.

thank god din kahit kanina, may blooper na naman ako sa harap ng mga bossing as i was making my story pitch. sa kalagitnaan ng presentation, i went into another coughing fit. it was so bad i couldn't continue, and my headwriter had to step in. kakahiya. kakadiri. kakahiya! inabutan na ko ng tubig ng CM namin. nakakahiya talaga, dahil hindi yon ang first time na nangyari sa akin yon. the last time, our superbossing was covering his mouth in disgust. ARGH! gusto kong mamatay sa hiya.

thank god pa rin, dahil kahit ganoon ang nangyari, naapprove ang concept namin. yehey! sana tuloy tuloy na ang approval hanggang sa kataas-taasan.

now that that's done, time to move out. and face my script revisions. yahoo! i love this project. i love remembering the times when i was young.

sana maging masaya ang weekend na ito. i'm bracing myself for one month of drastic changes dahil sa bagong living setup. hay. isang buwan lang naman. mabilis lang yan.