money money money

My goal: to save the most money, the soonest time possible.
To be free.  Financially.

So I'm going to work my ass now. And finish all the deliverables. Because every deliverable means money.

midlifer at 35?

25 years ago, my happy place was the bookstore. reading. smelling the crisp new pages of a book i'd wanted to buy.

15 years ago, my happy place was the shooting set. mounting. directing. making the imagined come to life.

now, my happy place is the kitchen. the supermarket (specifically, Landmark in Trinoma). Our neighborhood baking supplies store, All About Baking. I love creating something for my family. I love making food. Like walking into the bookstore, at 10 years old. Or directing a short film, at 25. It's almost the same high. Only somewhat different.  

kaya ako nakoconfuse ngayon.


for the most of my 30 plus years, i'd always felt so sure about the things i wanted. ngayon lang yata naging hati ang puso ko tungkol sa maraming bagay sa buhay ko.

god knows i'm grateful for all the blessings i've been given. but why does this feeling persist? dalawa, tatlong taon na. i may be in the right place. but am i in the right position? if so, why do i feel like i'm out of place in the bookstore? why do i feel like i wasn't born to do this?

walang bagay na madali. may mga bagay na mahirap, pero masaya kang gawin.  things are going well. but i'm the one who's feeling different. i've been feeling different for 2-3 years now.


gratitude. gratitude. gratitude.

may mga relasyon na hindi mo mabitawan, dahil sa utang na loob, dahil napupunan nya ang mga certain needs mo sa buhay.

akala ko dumaan na ko sa quarter life crisis. meron pa palang part2. o baka midlife na ito. sabagay, malamang hanggang 70 years old lang ang buhay ko.

lord, what am i meant to do? what's your plan for me?

deadlines at usapang kakikayan

gusto ko ng trabaho kung saan may time akong magpaganda. o kaya, yung bulto ng trabahong gagawin ko ay magpaganda.

parang ang tagal ko nang hindi nageeffort paganda. wala na kasi akong nakakadate on a weekly basis. pag may date ka, effort ka syempre. kaso yung dati kong ka-date, kasama ko na araw-araw. nakikita na nya ang worst of me--bagong gising me, puyat me, ngarag me, dehins-pa-ligo me.

pero syempre di yun dahilan para hindi magpaganda. ang totoong dahilan, wala akong time.

kaya gusto ko ng trabahong bibigyan ako ng chance magpaganda. from head to foot, the whole nine yards, from first base to homerun. namimiss ko yung ganon.

ni ayoko nang magselfie. o magpakuha ng picture. hindi ako natutuwa sa nakikita ko.

ilang oras na lang deadline na, at wala pa akong 10% ng script ko. tang...i....na.

may hello kitty cookies na 70 pieces akong dodrawingan ng mukha, 8am deadline bukas.  mas amdaling gawin yun kesa script.

prayer ko lang lord, sana po, hindi po ako malate nang sobra sa script. yung tipong tomorrow evening po ng 6pm lord. please. help me... please.

pagkatapos ng script na 'to, magpapaganda ako.