On the brink of a new year...

..I sit alone here, talking to myself. I need some me-time and quiet time before it gets really noisy. I hate the noise.

Reading back to my posts 12 years ago. Grabe, hindi na yata ako marunong magsulat ng prose ngayon. I can't even construct an entry in straight English anymore (not that it matters, but.. having read what I'd written more than a decade ago, I'm a bit surprised that 26 year old me could be so eloquent. Hindi na ako ganun, sadly).

Anyway, just keep writing. Ang importante naman, mailabas mo. FB would always ask you- what's on your mind today? You really want to know? Well. Money.

I'm worried. About money. About being able to maintain the monthly amortization for the lot I've invested in. I'm worried, that I might not be able to sell it anytime soon, after having pinned my hopes on someone who was interested in it.

I'm also not very happy about my weight. Diet starts again tomorrow. I have been feeling SO sluggish this past week because of the junk I'd been eating. Kaya dapat bumalik ulit sa dating disiplina, and ramp it up a bit more.

wala akong ganang magkwento dito. i'm not the same anymore. pero unlike then when I'd have a lot of angst and had a lot of interesting conflicts going on in my life, ngayon quiet ang buhay ko. Which is actually a good thing. no more rants about love (the unrequited kind, most of the time). Kaya.. okay na rin. Okay na okay na rin Lord.

2018 wasn't a very good year. Siguro may mga nawala o nabawasan, pero yung mga talagang importanteng bagay-- like my husband, my daughter, my parents, the comfortable domestic situation we are in, our good health, my emotional stability-- nasa akin pa rin. These have been a constant since the day God gave these blessings to me, and that's enough for me to say THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Kahit may mga bagay akong ikinalulungkot at winiwish na mangyari, kahit the money may not seem enough dahil nangahas akong mag-invest sa mga bagay na hindi madaling panindigan-- those are nothing compared to what I have already been given. My family, their love, our well-being-- THOSE ARE THE THINGS I REALLY NEED.  And I already have them.

You know all my wishes, Lord. I want You to know too, that I'm grateful. Because You have already given me what I really need. Sana po, forever na po kaming ganito.. yung masaya, magkakasama, healthy, at relatively stable, financially.

For 2019, though, I pray for more money. I pray for more opportunities to be able to give back. Pero kahit hindi ako mayaman sana magkaroon ako ng mas maraming opportunities to give back. Sana mabigyan ako ng wisdom to recognize those opportunities when they come my way.

december na naman

haven't written here in ages. dami nang nangyari in the past 6 months.
but i'll start with what's going on today. writing for a weekly kids fantasy series (with the creative group whom i consider family), got deployed to a new team to work on a new concept for a new soap (thank you Lord, I know). but right now, in between actual beginnings, schedule at work has been relatively light (THANK YOU LORD!), but that doesn't mean i'm not busy. because i am.. with a new hobby and a new side hustle (haha! the term).

got a new hobby. polymer clay. yes, after baking and decorating cookies with royal icing, may bagong bisyo na naman ako. i'm only a newbie, maybe a month old into this, and while gut feel (and common sense) tells me hindi ito ang business na magpapayaman sa akin, it's fun to do, so i do it. and like with all my other preoccupations, i sustain my bisyo by monetizing-- i'm taking custom orders.

1 month into the new bisyo at ang lakas na ng loob (kapal ng fez?!) nang magbenta ng mga gawa. well, murang mura ko naman binebenta sa ngayon. para lang mabawasan ang gastos sa pagpapraktis. but so far i have 3 orders for december. at suskoooo. ang hirap. dahil baguhan ako, kain oras, paulit ulit, trial and error. figuring my way through every piece. hindi pa ganon kalinis. marami pa akong kailangang matutunan. but looking back on my royal icing escapade, which i began in december 2013, hindi rin naman ako gumaling sa pagkarir noon overnight. kaya... keep calm and clay on lang beshie. clay lang nang clay hanggang matapos ang deliverables. and who knows. baka may pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

tomorrow should be a busy day. tatlong ganap na halos pare-pareho ng oras. first, my short film thesis has been included in a film screening in the alma mater-- 3pm. second, a parent-teacher conference in my daughter's school for her upcoming first communion -- 3pm. third, a creative meeting for the new soap-- 4pm. kung ako ang masusunod, aattendan ko ang meeting para sa anak ko, deadma na sa iba, pero mas may repercussions kapag hindi ako nakaattend sa trabaho. so.. trabaho muna, for tomorrow.

so many things to thank God for, though. I really should thank God everyday. for the things I've been given, na may tendency akong balewalain. the freebies in time, material things, etc. the support of family and relatives. our good health. our relatively peaceful, happy life. THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL THAT. Thank You Lord for everything.

oo, medyo petsa de peligro lately, dahil sa binabayarang lupa. may mga bagay na ikinalulungkot ko minsan, mostly connected to money, pero pasalamat ako na yun lang ang problema. tuloy pa rin ang hinuhulugang lupa, pero I'M CLAIMING na mabebenta na sya before the year ends, or at least by start of 2019. kasi doon magsisimula ang pagluwag ng mga bagay bagay.

CLAIMING IT, LORD. By Your grace.