On the brink of a new year...

..I sit alone here, talking to myself. I need some me-time and quiet time before it gets really noisy. I hate the noise.

Reading back to my posts 12 years ago. Grabe, hindi na yata ako marunong magsulat ng prose ngayon. I can't even construct an entry in straight English anymore (not that it matters, but.. having read what I'd written more than a decade ago, I'm a bit surprised that 26 year old me could be so eloquent. Hindi na ako ganun, sadly).

Anyway, just keep writing. Ang importante naman, mailabas mo. FB would always ask you- what's on your mind today? You really want to know? Well. Money.

I'm worried. About money. About being able to maintain the monthly amortization for the lot I've invested in. I'm worried, that I might not be able to sell it anytime soon, after having pinned my hopes on someone who was interested in it.

I'm also not very happy about my weight. Diet starts again tomorrow. I have been feeling SO sluggish this past week because of the junk I'd been eating. Kaya dapat bumalik ulit sa dating disiplina, and ramp it up a bit more.

wala akong ganang magkwento dito. i'm not the same anymore. pero unlike then when I'd have a lot of angst and had a lot of interesting conflicts going on in my life, ngayon quiet ang buhay ko. Which is actually a good thing. no more rants about love (the unrequited kind, most of the time). Kaya.. okay na rin. Okay na okay na rin Lord.

2018 wasn't a very good year. Siguro may mga nawala o nabawasan, pero yung mga talagang importanteng bagay-- like my husband, my daughter, my parents, the comfortable domestic situation we are in, our good health, my emotional stability-- nasa akin pa rin. These have been a constant since the day God gave these blessings to me, and that's enough for me to say THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Kahit may mga bagay akong ikinalulungkot at winiwish na mangyari, kahit the money may not seem enough dahil nangahas akong mag-invest sa mga bagay na hindi madaling panindigan-- those are nothing compared to what I have already been given. My family, their love, our well-being-- THOSE ARE THE THINGS I REALLY NEED.  And I already have them.

You know all my wishes, Lord. I want You to know too, that I'm grateful. Because You have already given me what I really need. Sana po, forever na po kaming ganito.. yung masaya, magkakasama, healthy, at relatively stable, financially.

For 2019, though, I pray for more money. I pray for more opportunities to be able to give back. Pero kahit hindi ako mayaman sana magkaroon ako ng mas maraming opportunities to give back. Sana mabigyan ako ng wisdom to recognize those opportunities when they come my way.