Glass Half-Full

May malaki akong iniisip, but then a moment came. Narealize ko, mas marami akong dapat ipagpasalamat kesa ikalungkot.

I worry about paying the monthly amortization for my lot investment.
I worry about that, on top of providing the monthly allowance of my parents.
I worry about getting to a point where I might have to take some from my other investments just to be able to pay the amortization-- something I DO NOT want to do. Because by doing that, it would be like starting again. Ang tagal na ng mga investments kong yon, taon na ang binilang. Ayoko hangga't maari na ilagay ang lahat ng mga itlog sa iisang basket.

I worry about money, mostly. Worry to the point that it would dampen my moments.

Pero sabi ni God, kung ang mga ibon nga nakakahanap ng paraan to survive. Kung ang mga ibon nga hindi Nya pinapabayaan, tao pa kaya.

So I lift this problem up to the Lord now. Lord, Kayo na po ang bahala sa akin. I've hoped for so many things, spent months waiting, only to be disappointed. Pagod na akong umasa na may bibili sa lupa. Pero umaasa po ako sa Inyo. Na tutulungan nyo akong kayanin. Nang hindi magagalaw yung ibang investments.

I resent things, like my brother not having a job at age 23. I resent it that he can't help me, financially, at a time like this. I resent it, kasi matanda na sya, pero hanggang ngayon ako pa ring mag-isa ang tumutulong sa parents namin. Shouldn't he be working? Can't he see I need help?

So I pray to God. Please Lord, give my brother the courage and the initiative. To find a job. I know he has his problems. But our family needs the both of us. I need him now to help me. Please help him find a job para kahit papano, makatulong sya sa monthly expenses.

I worry. I feel bad. Pero grateful ako. Because my parents are alive and well and still with us. Because I have a happy family, with my husband and daughter. Because we are supported by my kind and generous in-laws. So much to thank God for. More things to be grateful for.  Pera lang ang problema. Sosolusyunan yan ng Diyos.

Mabenta ko lang ang lupa, okay na okay na ako. Lord, ayoko na pong umasa.. ipinauubaya ko na lang po sa inyo.