bukas

hay, pagod.

my dreariest hours (usually, sa madaling araw, with a dozen scenes to go in our schedule), i wonder what i'm doing here. why i'm not doing what i really want to do. if there really is no choice but to work around the Dream.

alas-onse ng umaga kami napack-up the next day. 30 hours of work. isang araw na naman ang tila ayaw matapos-tapos, and finally, packup.

fuckup. not.
fresh na fresh ang mga estudyante at nag-oopisina pag nakakasulubong ko sila on the way home. ako, dugyot. wish ko talaga, next time na magpakadugyot ako para sa isang pelikula, sana yung pelikula, sarili ko na.

pagod. frustrated.
anong araw na ba? monday?
buti na lang merong bukas.

special

still reeling from the 24 hour shoot of yesterday and early this morning. left with a bundle of things to do. procrasstinating on this cold stormy night.

have yet to put myself together. damn. i can't. not right now. the things-to-do are splinters in my brain. they won't leave me in peace. but i'm too afraid to face them. not looking forward to the dis-ease.

AHHHHHHH! i swear! just get them over with and move on, dangit.

i'm fully-booked for the rest of the week. shoot tomorrow, class on saturday, shoot on sunday. i would've been happy about being busy. but i'm tired. it seems as if i'm always tired these days.

here there and everywhere. yet what i really want in my worst moments, having to be up-and-about in any god-given shooting set (when the rest of the world is asleep in their homes), is to go grocery-shopping with someone i really, really love.

haha. you meet so many people everyday, old and new, the beautiful, the famous, the critically-acclaimed. heroes, extraordinary people, people you look up to, people you've crossed paths with at some point in your life. and yet nothing compares.

special. i wouldn't exchange a day with anyone with a day with you.

arghhhh. ayoko pang gawin ang mga dapat gawin. marami akong excuses, maraming delaying tactics. but duty comes first. so just get friggin on with it, beeyatch.

moot and academic

it was unfair to react that way. cause i was reacting to something that's already moot and academic.

pero iba kasi ang kinukuwento sa nakikita e. mas harsh kasi ang biswal. madaling i-tone down ang isang kwento, but a picture can say a thousand words. so they say.

my mind tells me otherwise, my mind knows the truth. but still. kahit moot and academic na, masakit pa rin pala.

estudyante blues

ang sakit ng ulo kooooo.

day 2 ng pagba-back-to-school. excited ako nung first day, gusto kong ma-maintain yun. nakalimutan ko nang nakakapagod din palang mag-aral. kung nakakapagod magtrabaho (i.e. mag-output), ganun din pala ang mag-input/magpasok. info overload.

on the work side, may pinapapagawa pa saking pampasakit lalo ng ulo for tonight. asap. para maihabol sa 6am calltime bukas. hay. wala kong ganang kumain sa di ko maintindihang dahilan. gusto ko na lang humiga.

may bagong klasmeyt kaming hahabol next class, yung bespren kong si pokemonj. yehey. sobrang happy ako para sa kanya, kasi he wanted this. he really, really wanted this!

congrats monj! lookin forward to the next class with you!

packup, fvckup...not!

packed up ang shoot namin bukas. immersed in lahar and rainwater ang clark, pampanga.

more time for kain-tulog. yey.

things to do for tomorrow:
1/ clean up the room
2/ go to the bank
3/ go to the parlor (parlor?! why not)
4/ finish those two articles on How To Enjoy a Certain Kind of Mind-Altering Substance (don't ask me how i got this raket..basta raket sya, period!)

and then, saturday.
sunday, sana packup din. wala lang. alam ko super evil na ko. pero kelangan kong ipa-reformat ang laptop ko.

after sunday, pwede na kaming mag-shoot uli. go na go na ko. pero this week, wa pa ko sa mood.

haha. parang me say ako sa mga bagay na yan, ano?!