love the rain

the virus plague at home has waned. goin home on june 1, just to be sure.

ah, rainy days. i love them. i know the producers behind the movie shoots hate 'em (especially when the shoots are outdoors and daylight is required), but i love them still.

i miss my dsl. my life, before the virus hit. haha. but just to be safe and sure. better be such than suffer drawbacks.

hay! sana lang lagi akong ganyan mag-isip sa lahat ng bagay ano. anyway, nami-miss ko nang magsulat. ng peli-pelikulahan. lagi ko na lang sinasabi, pero lagi rin akong nakakaisip ng excuse to postpone doing it.

ewan. sa ngayon i live life by the day. siguro nasa mood lang ako ng pagkawalang foresight, for the meantime. kakatamad. sana monday na para makapag-Day 3 na kami uli sa pelikula ni direk.

pero happy ako kasi sunday bukas. basta.

i've gone back to reading books. yey.
last movie i'd seen was "the usual suspects". i'd seen it two dozen times in the past ten years but the last time i saw it i was still held rapt, from credit to credit. galing talaga ni kevin. sana straight na lang sya.

two days ago me nakasalubong na naman ako, dalawa pa nga sila, on two separate occasions but on the same day. Blessings-that-Came-a-Little-Too-Late ng not-so-distant-past. nakakatawa, kasi the other one even pulled a funny antic on the first one. talk about rubbing it in. haha.

i can't say i liked what he did but i can't say i didn't, either. but what he didn't know was that he had just become my accessory. that is, if i were the person i was seven, eight months ago.

pero marami nang nabago na sa kin since eight months ago, kaya immaterial na rin. amusing pa rin, though.

all-nighter blues

puyat.
praning.
uber in love.

i'm a nutcase waiting to be discovered, really.
sana wag na. hehe.

* * *

arghhh. gusto ko na uling gumawa ng sarili kong pelikula!

newborn nomad

hay. and such is the life.

still temporarily living away from home.dume-depress-depressan. feeling lost and rootless and all that ka-dramahan.

hayyy. miss ko na kapatid kong mataba.

first day of shoot ng baby project ni Favorite Direk the other day. from 7 am til 6 am the next day. ang init sa set, para kaming nasa sauna bath buong maghapon at gabi. scheduled scenes for the first day included a blow job scene in the afternoon and a torrid bed scene in the evening. na-donselya na ang mga mata ko nung shinu-shoot namin ang Baguio Bold Movie last November kaya parang wala na lang sa kin. pero at least dito gumamit sila ng proteksyon (i.e. leukoplast) para sa mga artista during the naked bed scenes.

when i came to the set that morning i saw our director from the Baguio Bold Movie. surprising. turns out na talent manager pala sya nung isa sa mga bida namin. "Staff ko rin yan," Direk1 told the Favorite Direk, referring to me.
to my surprise, Favorite Direk (FD) replied, "Magaling yan!" huwaw. sobrang na-overwhelm ako sa sinabi nyang yun. because his opinion matters to me so dang much. because what he thinks can affect me in ways that other directors' opinions would not.

mahusay na sana ang araw ko, salamat sa compliment na yon, kaso nagkaroon ako ng continuity error for one shot. at dahil sa error na yon kinailangan naming mag-set up uli ng camera at i-reshoot ang shot. arghhhh. the worst feeling in the world at that moment. sinong "magaling", direk? sasabihin nyo pa ba yan sa kin pagkatapos ng shot na to?

syempre nag-sorry ako. at tinanggap nya nang maluwag, dismissing it easily. actually hindi naman sya big deal, pero big deal sa kin. tanggap ko na ang nature ng trabaho ko. mapapansin lang naman ang trabaho mo pag may mali ang continuity. for the dozen things na ginawa mo ng tama, yung isang mali naman talaga ang magsa-stand out. kasi ganun e.

in fairness, challenging sya sa kin. kaya kahit alas-6 na ng umaga at lupaypay na ang kaluluwa ko pauwi galing sa shoot, alam kong itutulog ko lang. medyo saturated ako sa project after those intense 24 hours pero alam ko babalik ang enthusiasm ko. sana hindi magbago.

hay. gusto ko nang umuwi sa bahay. lumipat na ko sa bahay ng mga kaibigan pero miss ko na talaga bahay namin. punyetang bulutong kasi yan. grrrrrrwwwl!

* * *
still praying the same prayer, everyday. hindi perpekto ang buhay pero masarap pa ring mabuhay. :-)

* * *
i bumped into three former "crushes" this afternoon. haha. two of the three, i actually got to chat with. one of them was the Rapper Dude, whom i hadn't seen in person in quite a while.

funny, because during those three chance encounters i was with BK. haha.

oops, beeyatchy

reading back, parang napaka-bright and sunshine-y ng mga past few entries ko, compared to the usual. nakaka-miss mag--b1tch. haha.

so here's somethin to b1tch about. one, two, three little b1tch-worthy things.

one, i learned two days ago na official chicken pox outbreak zone na ang bahay namin. after the first bulutong case, may nahawa na namang isa. nyeta. na-bad trip talaga ko! kasi sobrang thankful na nga ako na magaling na yung pinsan kong nagkabulutong, eto naman yung kapatid nya ngayon. putcha, dalawang linggo na naman to.

ayoko talagang magkabulutong. sino bang gusto di ba. kaya nag-evacuate ako asap. kebs na kung isipin ng nanay ko na OA ang reaction ko. kebs na kung magbayad ako ng P75 a day for the next several days for a cramped little room at the heart of Krus na Ligas (KNL). kesa naman magkabulutong.

it wasn't the first time that i lived away from home. dalawang beses ko na syang ginawa sa tanang life ko, nung opis girl ako sa st@r c1nem@ at nung naka-house arrest ako sa bahay ni k0ya. pero on my first night sa bago kong tirahan sa KNL, na-realize ko kung bakit each time naga-attempt akong bumukod ng tirahan, lagi akong bumabalik sa family home.

homesick-prone akong tao. sobrang attached ako sa pamilya ko. kahit bad trip ako dahil natatawa sila sa ka-praningan ko over the bulutong outbreak, 1st night pa lang miss ko na sila. haha. lalo tuloy akong nainis sa sitwasyon. cause i resent having to go to these extremes--gumastos, magbalot, maglipat, mabuhay mag-isa--dahil lang sa bulutong. arggggh.

wala. wala pa ring tatalo sa bahay namin. kahit madalas akong wala don. sa bagong tirahan ngayon (for the next four days), walang matabang kapatid pwedeng kulitin. walang DSL internet. walang makulit na 3-yr-old na sasawayin. walang nanay na mangungulit at mananaway sa kin. walang pusang-named-Dolly Dede na pwedeng yakap-yakapin. walang lutong bahay. walang tawag from overseas sa tatay na laging nagtatanong tungkol sa love life ko.

haha. siguro masyado lang akong attached sa pamilya ko, way too attached, considering my age. wala lang. ganon e. siguro nga yung iba sa gantong edad meron nang mga sariling pamilya, pero retarded kasi ko. feeling 20 pa rin ever. feeling nagdadalaga. haha chos.

anyway, 2nd night ko ngayon sa bagong tirahan. in four days lilipat ako sa bahay ng tatlong kaibigan ko. isang linggo. harinawa by last week of may eh okey-okey na ang hangin sa bahay. hay kainis talaga. sana wala nang ibang mahawa. dahil hindi ko yata keri ang another two weeks away from home, pagkatapos ng two weeks na to.

isa pang b1tch-worthy thingie. actually nadamay lang to sa pagka-bad trip ko over the chicken pox issue. sa lahat ng items sa D&R ng isang scriptgirl, dubbing talaga ang pinaka-hate ko. ewan ko. nasasayangan lang ako sa oras na nakatunganga. di ko feel tumunganga at mag-check ng dialogue. lalo na kung wa naman pay. buti kung mataas ang overall sweldo di ba. why not. pero kung laos na nga ang overall TF mo tas walang dubbing allowance, olats ka na masyado dun. somebody ought to address this. kasi kawawa naman mga utaw na olats na nga sa TF, kelangan pang gumastos ng pamasahe.

di lang yun. boring kasi talaga ang maupo sa dubbing. as in. napaka-minimal kasi ng participation ng scriptgirl dun. kung may hindi maintindihang dialogue, tsaka lang sya kelangan. kadalasan maayos naman ang guide sound. kadalasan nasa script naman ang revisions. kaya kadalasan, tunganga factor talaga.

eto ka. ang bad trip lalo dun, kung napaka-short notice ng pag-iinform sa yo tungkol sa schedule ng dubbing. as in, the night before. pano kung me iba kang naka-schedule sa araw na yon, not necessarily trabaho? syempre mag-aadjust ka. kasi trabaho pa rin yun, technically. between family/jowa time and trabaho, syempre isasakripisyo mo ang former.

pero eto talaga ang piiiinaka-BT. ang layo ng bahay mo ano. pupunta ka sa kabilang siyudad para maupo at tumunganga. late ang ta-artits na magda-dub. isa, dalawa, tatlong oras ang lumipas, wa pa rin sya in the premises. hanggang sa finally, confirmed nang di sya dadating. kumusta naman yun? kumusta naman ang oras na nasayang sa pagpunta mo all the way from the other side of the metro, ang pamasahe/gasolina, ang panahon na sana eh nilalalaan mo na lang sa ibang bagay?

wala lang. alam kong it happens. it's part of the job, whatever. gusto ko lang naman maghinga ng pagka-bad trip. kasi dalawang linggo akong maa-uproot sa nakasanayang living environment. kasi dalawang linggo yata akong labor-now, pay-later ang drama (for the love of and what-reasons-have-you). kasi gusto kong makaipon nang mas malaki para sa isang bagay na gustong gusto ko talagang makuha. hay word of honor. mali nga siguro ang naging desisyon ko. masyado kong naging loyal.

hay. wheels! yun ang gusto kong makuha!
isang high-profile movie project na uber-laki ang budget at hindi ka babaratin sa TF! gusto ko rin yon!
AD-ing for TV! why not!
cebu cebu! sana matuloy!
my own movie project na ako ang nagsulat!
my own movie project na gusto ko ang pagkasulat!
directing workshop!
another short film!
a movie project to be shot abroad!

hay. wish ko yan lahat.

for now, papasalamat na lang ako. dahil kahit hindi perpekto ang buhay, mabait pa rin si god.

at least wala akong bulutong.

knock on wood. :-)

wishing, hoping, praying

inanities. mundanities.
these past ten days my schedule has been light. nung first few days masarap. pero ngayon nagfi-fidget na naman ako. parang gusto ko nang hatakin ang mga araw para tumilapon na naman ako Out There.

anong mga ginawa ko these past few days? aside from the occasional shoots (na hindi naman ganon ka-haggard), i spent most of the week getting paranoid over chicken pox. meron kasing nagkabulutong sa bahay namin. eh hindi pa ko nagkabulutong ever (at wala akong ambisyon magkaroon, ever!), kaya mega-laklak ako ng vitamin C at centrum. as much as possible din ayokong maglagi sa bulutong danger zone, kaya kadalasan wala ako sa bahay.

pagdating ng 3rd week of may babalik na naman sa dating gawi. this time, para sa baby project ng paborito kong Direk. isa lang ang cause-of-rue, as usual. more time for work, less time for the other aspects of my existence. nothing to fret over, though. i know schedules will work themselves out.

happiness. my sole prayer. in all aspects, in generous doses, for the rest of my life.

:-)

jellyfish and little joys

naaalala ko lang to bigla.





on our first day in iba, we saw three little girls coming from the beach, carrying a big plastic can full of jellyfish. they said they caught the jellyfish in the water. natuwa ako kaya pinagpipiktyuran ko silang tatlo, kasama ng mga jellyfish. natuwa din ako sa jellyfish kasi amazed ako na nagpapahawak sila nang hindi nananakit.





hay! little joys.

sarap mabuhay.

sana ganito na lang ang state of mind ko forever.

:-)

workaway, getaway!

back from outta town!

ang gandang pa-birthday ni lord. came from a five-day-stay in iba, zambales for an interesting "racket": directing two live shows for the people at the provincial hall--a bikini open competition (woohoo!) and a beauty pageant. i'd been wishing for a project like this since the start of summer--work out-of-town, near the beach, with not-so-bad pay.



an answered prayer. first time kong makapunta ng iba (all the while i'd thought that we were going to do the show in subic!). hardly had time to soak myself in the swimmer-friendly sea (the waters are always calm...kahit lowtide!), pero oks na rin...at least i've had my beach fix for this summer.

ito na siguro ang magiging first and only summer beach adventure ko for this year, kaya ide-detalye ko na. i'm just bursting with it!

april 24, tuesday. we left manila on the eve of my 27th birthday (got a cute little gift to take with me to zambales: girlie earrings and a year's supply of hankies with my name embroidered on them. cutie!) the staff and the bikini open candidates were all stuffed inside one huge bus (field trip ito, ika nga ng isang staff member).

the trip to iba, the provincial capital, took four hours. we were exhausted when we arrived there at 5 am.

april 25, wednesday. my 27th birthday. spent all day typing away on my laptop. bigla kong nagkaroon ng de ja vu. two years ago i celebrated the birthday in front of my laptop as well, chasing a deadline for the kilig tv show back then. i was better off this year because the view of the seaside was much more spectacular than that of the walls of my room. and i have two dozen new hankies this year. haha!

ang dumi ng laptop keyboard ko, parang dinaanan ng ashfall!

there wasn't much time to prepare. i'd worked for this group before, last november. maybe it's the province thing, maybe it's me, but "urgency" doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary, which sometimes frustrates eternally-on-adik-mode me. the final rehearsal was supposed to be at 12 midnight that night and the initial script was only approved at around 8 pm. oh well.

di sa rehearsal marami pa ring revisions. on the spot. it was jarring, because the rehearsals were being cut short with every comment from the gods-up-there pero syempre mega-adjust kaming lahat. ganun talaga. i'm stubborn by nature but i'd like to think that experience has taught me the mechanism of flexibility.

we finished the stage/technical rehearsal by 4 am. the models were tired, and the staff was even worse. that was to be our first and final rehearsal before the show the next day. the way it went, i wasn't confident. they said they would supply headsets for the staff during the show. i knew we were going to depend greatly on that. we got through last november's bikini open because my staff and i were exchanging hand-to-mouth instructions via those headsets.

april 26, thursday. surprise, surprise--five minutes before we were to start the show i was told that there would be no headsets, but two-way radios instead. okay. kumusta naman! sa ingay ng crowd sa labas at sa ingay ng amplifier sa stage good luck kung magkarinigan kami ng staffers.

earlier that day we'd slept til lunch and i'd spent more quality time with the laptop, revising the script as per the on-stage comments from the night before. the place where we were staying had the entire beach in its backyard and the view was plain dang gorgeous. the breeze, the glittering sea, the perfectly-textured sand--it was that view that had kept me off tension-mode.

the models were just dallying around the beach in their teeny-weenies. almost all of them are gorgeous pero mas napapansin ko pa yung dagat. hmm. di ko alam kung bakit, pero pag may label na ang isang tao na "model" sya, given na sa utak kong maganda o guwapo sya kaya hindi na ko napapanganga. i'd probably be more awestruck by a beautiful "normal" person than by the typical model. kasi nga, "model"; kaya expected nang beautiful. the expectations go with the label.

erm. i don't know if it's just me. kasi yung mga kasama ko sa staff na iba, nagpiyesta talaga ang mga mata. (wink wink)

so that night, with only the two-way radios as my means of communication with the stage manager backstage and the technical director at the booth, i was at my wits' end at the frontstage. the host was not in his element; he kept screwing his spiels.



during the introduction the models appeared onstage after about fifteen seconds of an awkward empty spotlight. show went on, not without the usual glitches that an event with time-deprived preproduction would normally go through. in the end, though, the surprising (or unsurprising?) consensus of the bossings and the locals was that it was a good show. at least one tita from the provincial hall even went so far as saying that it was "the best they'd had in years". haha. ain't that kewl.
if this were a network production they would only see the blots on the paper. compliments? never mind. there's never any time to boost staff morale, there's still the next show to prepare. and for the next show, buster, you'd better make sure to keep that paper clean and blot-free, or else.
weeha. who wouldn't love this town!

we ended the night at 5 am. not in celebratory mode yet, for there was still another show to mount in 48 hours.

april 27, friday. we slept til late morning, as usual. but preprod for the Binibining Zambales show started for me as soon as i woke up. getting close-and-comfy with my laptop again for the entire morning, while feasting on the view of the beach.

after a quick lunch a meeting with the bossings was in order at the provincial hall. because of the time constraints, my most realistic goal was to deliver a show that was simple but smooth-flowing. glitch-free. easy to mount, but well-done.

after the meeting it was laptop time again. all afternoon. some of the staffers were missing home. i was missing home, too, even if i had my hands full. after three days of having been in the same setup, we were starting to feel a li'l like the hausmates in Koya's Haus. even if i wanted to wallow in my bittersweet (!) homesickness, i only had all afternoon to finish the script. the first-and-final stage/technical rehearsal had been scheduled late, late that night.


....was feelin' a little like this

at 1am we trooped to the show venue for the rehearsals and i had a happy discovery: this show's batch of bodies-to-block was much better at taking instructions than the models of the previous show. probably because: 1) the candidates treated the competition seriously (unlike the models, na inimporta lang from manila and saw the bikini competition as a modelling "racket"), 2) the girls were bright and on their toes all the time (between models and beauty queens, i suppose beauty queens generally have more gray matter. kaya nga may Question and Answer portion noh), and 3) my blocking was simple. result was a smooth-flowing rehearsal that saw me smiling on the way home. weehoo. ilang oras na lang and it's gonna be purely BEAAACH DAY!

april 28, saturday. on the morning of the pageant, i woke up happy. chirping "good mornings" all over the place. by this time the staff has somekinda gelled together in a way that neutral strangers would inevitably do, after two somekinda-grueling common experiences; even i could already trade banters with the boys like i'd known them forever. haha. feeling close!

we were confident that we were already prepared for that night's show, so all afternoon was no-work day--we checked out of the resort and transferred to a new one (mas maganda! mas malaki! mas bongga ang room! kaso di nagfa-flush ang toilet). we hired a banca and swam in the laot at sunset (i couldn't tread deep waters so i ended up flapping around with a life jacket. ha loser!).


























we were only in the water for round thirty minutes but it was one of the highlights of zambales trip. the mere thought that the worrying part was over made the leisurely moments doubly pleasurable.


when darkness fell the staff was back in work mode again. The stage manager, cl1nt, had taken over the selection of music for every show segment (I was glad for that; the music used in the bikini open was monotonous and poorly-designed) and the bossing loved his selections. final run-throughs, final briefings.


I was still my usual tensed-up self during the show but thank god it flowed just as I had hoped it would (…except for one or two minor blocking mistakes by the candidates). The two female hosts handled the show as gracefully as the candidates had handled themselves.












By the end of the night, I was happy. happy, happy. Because the work was over! Weehoo!

After the show the skeleton crew celebrated over a few drinks at a nearby bar. It was closing time and we were the last remaining customers there, but no one seemed to care; the bossing was an influential personage in town, or he seemed, at least.

He’s quite a character, the bossing. Gay, moneyed, known in his territory, but during those five days i think i saw a side to him that was different from the “bossing” who has everyone around him eager to lick his a$$. When he lets his hair down (pardon the, erm, allusion) and starts cracking jokes, he can actually be funny. Hilarious, like most colorful badings that I know. I hope I can get to work with him again next year. Or even sooner!

April 29, sunday. It was home time. We left Zambales at 2 in the afternoon and arrived in Manila at around 6 pm. As the bus was zooming past the NLEX tollgate and moving towards Munoz I kept my eyes alert for any sign of a certain landmark. I know someone who lives in those parts, the same person who’d given me the hankies. I wanted to see the landmark so that i could wave hello. haha. grabe na ito!

In Manila the staff started dispersing. It had been a somewhat fun group. Except for the bossing, all of us were in our twenties, and it was actually cool being the only girl in an all-male team, for two reasons: 1), by rule of nature, boys tend to “coddle” the only girl in the group (so ang haba ng hair ko, hehe), and 2), living in the midst of all that testosterone kinda makes you feel like you have balls, too. Wapak! Girl-with-balls ang drama! The gals at Gabriela would most probably approve!

But one thing I don’t like about being around boys is that you're bound to have a lot of bad air around you. literally, cause they fart too much. minsan magpapaalam pa—“Uutot lang ako ah”—pero hindi naman lalayo. tapos maiiba na lang bigla ang amoy ng hangin. Putcha! Mabuti kung open air, but no! dun talaga sa lugar na kulob at may aircon. Kumusta naman yun!

Arrived home at 9 pm. Spent the entire day in transit. Tired, but happy. and thinking of the next several days ahead.

* * *
Rest, rest. Less than a week to unwind, to attend to things i didn't have time to do when i was out there. In a way I like it, in a way I don’t. But at the end of the day, I know I'd still choose to live the whirlwind life.

So I'm a labor prostitute. Have movie? Will work for you. Doesn't matter who you are, so long as I can stand you. haha. sana lang in the near future hindi ko na kelangang mag-absent sa kahit saang shoot. Pero poproblemahin ko na lang yun pag andyan na. :-P

i love summers!