Sunday, August 05, 2007

enjoy the sun, beeyatch

9 am. done with my third cigarette for the morning. got a shoot at 12 noon. still hung over from last night.

feeling grimy, literally. need another cup of coffee. currently wanting, wishing, hoping, praying. reluctant to leave the house for yet another ngaragan session with the once-favorite Direk.

Direk, ba't may additional shoot ka pa? extra P100,000 na naman ang isang araw sa total production cost. at wala ko sa mood magtrabaho. hehe. i'm sure ganon din ang iba nating kasama (haha. assumption). pero kung sa ikagaganda ba ng baby mo, sige. fine. argh.

coffee paaaaa.
wanting to sleep.
mabilis ang pacing ng buhay.
had to turn down two new projects the other day. sayang.
pero kung sa ikatutupad ba ng mga pangarap. sige. fine.

not looking forward to the compost movie's next shoot. too tired, too tired. i hate it when we shoot on two cameras. i have to run from one Assistant Cameraman to the next. just to note their technical trivialities. argh.

but work is work. and right now, i need it for the next 12 months.
may paycheck na raw uli. yey. di ko pa nakuha kasi nanood lang ako ng ratatutel.

maganda yung ratatutel. ang galing ng nagdrowing, kasi na-capture nya yung ganda ng paris. napadpad na ko dun once, gusto kong bumalik uli. lagi ko namang gusto bumalik uli.

hanggang alas-5 na naman kami bukas. feeling ko lang. need more coffee. need another cigarette. bad for the health, surgeon general says. but i'm sacrificing enough needs-for-the-immediate-present for the long term. ibibigay ko na muna to sa sarili ko.

at the same time, something tells me that i shouldn't invest too much in the concerns of the present, dahil marami pang mangyayari sa buhay ko. malawak masyado ang time and space para ikulong ko ang sarili sa mga saya lungkot at pangangamba ng present time.

love kita, love mo ko. but who knows about next year.
marami akong takot for the coming year ahead, mababago ang buhay sa pagbabalik skwela. pero ngayon lang to, dahil life will change drastically in the next twelve months. hopefully, for the better.

pagod ako ngayon. pero mahaba pa ang buhay. at malayo pa ang finish line.
kelangang kumita continually. and i'm praying that god will provide.

may mga bagay na wala sa kontrol natin. pero yung mga bagay na meron tayong kontrol, yun na lang ang karirin natin.

shouldn't worry about the future. kasi useless din. at tandaan, ang Laws of Attraction. we attract what vibes we give out.

kaya dapat, positive thinking.

hay. what a task.

wala namang rason para maging negative. masaya naman ang mga prospects ng buhay.
kaso yung realistic-pessimistic side ko, worrywart.
ano ba. sunny day na nga, natatakot ka pang baka me dumating na bagyo. tumigil ka. why can't you just enjoy the sun, b1tch.

hindi naman ako control freak. pero nate-tense ako sa mga bagay na wala akong kontrol. kahit dun sa mga bagay na may kontrol ako. natatakot akong biguin ako ng sarili ko.

changes are good. they test your flexibility, and ability to adapt. and in this case, they may open doors for you.

so what's to fear?

mas malaking pangamba ang nararamdaman ko sa One Year na papalapit, pero babalik at babalik ako sa yo.

sana, walang magbago. sana laging ganito. sana, lalo pang mas masaya. sana, time will be our ally.

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