save me

gloomy, chilly morning.

not looking forward to work tomorrow. i haven't been looking forward to work for quite some time now.

it gets pretty tiring. it was fun in the first two or three years. and then you find yourself looking for more. looking to do more, to become more.

moving on. growing up. getting there. same old, same old.

* * *

i love school. it gives me somekinduva new hope.
yesterday, i got to manually set up a camera that's ready for shooting. from its legs to its limbs to its neck to its eye. bolts, joints, hinges. the camera grips at work could do this in a matter of minutes. my partner monj and i did it in about ten.

lectures-wise, we're getting onto the production side of the art now, which is something that i witness every shooting day for the past three years. somehow it trivializes all that. i'm made to realize that we need to get all the technical/logistic stuff out of the way so that we could focus more on the creative process, which is the most important of all.

i love school. i'm hoping that it would save me.

* * *

must be the hormones. but i'm feeling as chilly and gloomy as this day. solace and sanctuary. heroes and saviors. been finding myself seeking, needing, longing for those more often these days.

but you can't do that to people. you shouldn't expect them to always be there when you need them; they have their own problems to deal with. and so you're left with your cigarettes. your bestfriends. they would gladly let you drain the happiness out of them if that's what you need to get you through the day.