my august was a whirlwind. too loaded with TTDs to stop and actually write about them. things that kept my hands full were the tv shows and the AVP. up until yesterday, juggling pa rin. minsan nahuhulog ang isang bola, pero tinatantya ko. tinuturuan ko na ang sarili kong mag-prioritize. sana naman natuto na nga talaga ako.
broke for the moment, but that will change soon. will be a bit stabler. kahit papano. i thank god for a better august this year than that of last year. i was depressed, big time. lord, sana po wag kayong magsasawang ilayo kami sa anumang cause of unhappiness.
1st week of august. preprod week. naloloka ako sa limitadong oras at dami ng dapat gawin. kaya ganun na lang ang dasal ko, nasa sana naman ngitian kami ng langit sa...
2nd week of august. shoot week. nairaos naman. with HD, you can't go wrong---at least, look-wise. my first directing job since That Day. thank god walang mga dangerously risky scenes. haha. made a lot of compromises, as expected. but i didn't let the frustrations get to me. this was work. this wasn't (still isn't) mine. they hired me as a specialist. i just tried to do my job despite the limitations. siguro kung personal project to nagdurugo ang puso ko, pero somehow i've learned to distinguish the difference between what's personal and professional where laboring is concerned. dati kasi, kahit anong directing project, ginagawa kong personal project. kaya doon lumalabas ang katigasan ng ulo. ang frustrations. ang madugong work process (instigated by me on other people). pero kahit ganon, marami pa rin akong mga winish na ginawa ko nung shoot nang dumating ako sa...
3rd and 4th week of august. postprod week. na-realize ko na sa lahat talaga ng stages postprod ang pinakafavorite ko. iba ang high pag nakikita mong nabubuo ang pinlano at shinoot mo. ang pinakamajor angst ko lang (bukod sa artistang hitad na ayaw mag-dubbing) ay ang layo layo ng lugar ng editing. and the fact that postprod has been going on longer than usual. ok na ang client sa 2nd cut pero may pinapahabol pang konting minor revisions. di ko na yata feel bumagtas sa kabilang dulo ng mundo para lang upuan ang minor revisions na yon. at least nabunutan na ko ng tinik, at kung totoo ang sinasabi nila, happy naman sila. yun lang naman ang importante sa akin, na happy sila!
pero on the other hand, kung hindi naman sila talaga happy at hindi na nila ako kunin uli, wala din naman kaso sa akin. i'm married to my day job at querida ko ang mga rakets na iba. demanding na querida ang pagdidirek ng avp na to pero in fairness, masarap siya. hahaha. pero like how most married men feel about queridas, hindi ako emotionally attached sa kanya. kaya kahit ano, okay lang. for the experience alone, masaya ko dahil na-miss ko.
the soap has been airing for almost two weeks now and thank god, maganda ang ratings nya. ang sarap din ng feeling na napapanood mo yung mga eksenang sinulat mo. haha. lalo na pag pumapatok sya sa mga aling bebangs of the world. ang saya. sana ma-maintain namin.
kahapon na-disturb ako. may isang kakilala ako na pinatay. everytime that happens, nalulugmok ako. kasi kahit di ko ka-close, nakita ko syang buhay. and i'm reminded yet again of how frail we all are. of how everything can be cut short just like that. hindi ako nakatulog kagabi sa sobrang pagka-disturb ko. lalo pa't may co-writer ako who's been hospitalized and at some point was "fighting for his life". kahit hindi kami super friends nun iba pa rin talaga ang impact pag may nangyayaring mga ganon sa mga people in your circle. promise, lord, yung ganoong distansya is too close to home na for me. ganun pa lang, sobrang affected na ko. sana po lord lagi nyong poprotektahan ang mga pamilya at kaibigan ko.
masakit ang tiyan ko. for some reason. silly me, natakot ako na baka kung ano na to. baka mamatay na ko. ayoko pang mamatay. at 29, i have never been as afraid of death as i have ever been. takot nga ako sa ospital. gusto ko pag mamamatay ako yung biglaan at painless. minsan kasi nai-imagine ko kung anong pakiramdam pag may kutsilyo o balang tumatagos sa katawan ko, and the vividness of the feeling terrifies me. i'm terrified of death. i dread it just as much as i dread riding on a rollercoaster.
september na. i keep praying for divine guidance and protection. last year my september was almost hellish, what with THAT movie na sinusumpa-sumpa ko noon. minsan natatakot na ko na baka pag calm ang tubig, naghahanda lang ang isang tidal wave overhead. but i just rely on faith. that everything will be okay. that i'm just a chronic worrier. that god is good and this is my good karma for the ugly stuff that i'd gone through in the latter part of '07 and all of '08. lord, sana.
nanganak na uli ang pusa kong si keanna. mga pusakal. hay. nagrereklamo na ang parents ko sa dami ng mga hayop sa bahay. kaya one of these days kailangan na silang mag-evacuate somewhere. pero gusto ko pa rin talagang ipakasta si keanna sa isang siamese din. sayang naman ang DNA ng pusa kong maganda. hehe.
argh. gusto ko nang makatulog.
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