downtime doesn't come around often in this line of job, so i'm making the most of it. my approximation is i'll be free til monday next week. after that, it's back to the whirlwind again. back to nene and her funny-sad life.
list of To-Dos.
1. go to bed in the normal hours. been doing this for the past several days now. i actually feel GOOD, waking up early in the morning with a full-batt load of 6-9 hours sleep.
2. lose weight. damn. di ko na alam ang gagawin ko. ang hirap ng laging nakaupo sa harap ng laptop. the weight is harder to lose. and i don't even want to acknowledge the possibility that my pushing-30 has something to do with the weight lag. NO!
3. get registered. check. have a funny anecdote about this day. actually related to my pushing 30. hehe. later!
4. make a new "investment". check. i'm happy. i want to make it grow, kahit baby steps lang. basta steadily growing.
5. de-uglify. relax, rebond, wax. haha. ongoing.
6. shop a little. check.
7. do a little studying on the side. argh. i should constantly be learning on the job. kaso nauuna pa ang fb games. this is should do asap.
8. do more time with bosobear. kaso si bosobear naman ngayon ang busy sa isang show nyang demanding sa oras. hmprf. nakakanakaw naman kami ng at least 1 day in a week, though. i just HATE it that this will have to go on til february next year. :-(
despite a few pet peeves, i'm relatively happy. thank god. thank god for the rest. thank god for the stability of life. i'm happy being stable this way. i don't look for adventure anymore. an old friend was shocked yesterday when i'd told her that i'd 'settled down' for a writing job. kasi nung huli kaming nagkausap ang statement ko pa noon, "ayokong magka-lovelife kasi ayokong ma-distract sa filmmaking dream ko'. haha. siguro nga nangyari ang kinatatakutan ko. pero hindi solely dahil nagka-lovelife ako, marami ding factors kung bakit mas gusto ko na lang ang stability na binibigay ng buhay ko ngayon. pera, pagtanda, the uncertainty of the future and my learnings from the past. nangyari ang kintatakutan ko pero ngayon na-realize ko na, hmm. it's not as bad as i'd envisioned it to be. i know i'm still young at 29, i can always go back to what i'd started. i can aspire to go indie again, lead that kind of life, pero iba na ang habol ko sa buhay ngayon. that kind of life, at its best, can take you places (literally and figuratively), but it's not stable. financially, and else. kaya dito na lang ako kung saan ang happiness, mas abot-kamay. kasi, nung nandon rin ako sa ganong klaseng buhay, i was never happy enough. the dream consumed me, and i'd never be happy enough until i got to the dream.
at least, dito, content na ko. between fame/adventure and money/stability, i'd choose the latter now. at, well, malaking factor din ang love. dahil mas accommodating ang buhay ko ngayon sa love kesa dun sa buhay ko noon. so, yeah, i guess nangyari ang kinatatakutan ko. pero it really ain't as bad as i used to think it might be.
on my way home kahapon, nadaanan ko ang dati kong highschool. tamang-tamang palabas ng gate ang highschool classmate kong teacher na doon ngayon. they know from fb na i'm writing for k@t0rse and they say they love the show. dati snob ako pagdating sa tv. nainherit ko ito sa film school noong college. pero ngayon na-realize ko na may kakaibang fulfillment din pala pag nagsusulat ka sa tv. kung dati i'd glow from criticisms and praises from cinephiles and film critics, ngayon equal din ang fulfillment na nararamdaman ko pag pinagdidiskusyunan ng mga 'ordinaryong' tao ang tv show namin. anywhere i go, there would always be someone who watches k@tors3, and that makes the hard work and sleepless hours and creative "prostituting" all worth it.
shet, gusto ko talagang ikwento yung nangyari sa registration. haha. palakpak tenga moment for pushing-30 me. hehehe. later!
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