Thursday, September 30, 2010

lord, thank you for a complete draft 1...

...pero hihirit pa po ako...sana po tulungan nyo ko sa revisions...sana po magkaroon ako ng mas mahabang panahon...meaning itetape nila yung episode na sinusulat ko 3rd among three eps...o kahit na 2nd...wag lang po sanang 1st...

i pray for more time...more stamina...and just a dint of brilliance from you my lord...i pray na sana maapprove agad ang final draft nito para mas magkaroon ako ng time para sa baby ko...sana lord, sana...please help me.

* * *

i don't like the feeling i have when i have a deadline. it's not healthy, to feel like there's a thorn on my side each time. it's supposed to be an exhilarating experience, to write, to pour out my soul on paper. but it's anything but, usually. the pressure to deliver, well and on time, bears down on my soul like twelve-ton lead.

of course, time has a lot to do with it. if i had more time, maybe it would feel so much more different. but deadlines are a reality in our line of work. so there's no other choice but to make it on time, with acceptable results.

kaya lord, nagdadasal po ako. please lord. help me. i'm just another ordinary slowpoke newbie, plucked from my comfortable mother's nest, given this wonderful chance to fly beyond the confines of my comfort zone, and i so want to fly like how they'd want me to, but i need stronger wings. bigger wings. and you, my wind. help me lord.

* * *

i dont like the beginning. i don't like the ending. i would smoke til i barf. even the purported ghost in the house we're staying couldn't distract me from my fear of failure. i don't want to fail in this one; the last time i gave birth and that was a cop-out. gusto ko namang patunayan na kaya kong igapang ito up to the very end. on my own.

holding my baby, seeing her, had never been more appealing then. she was my stress-reliever, seeing her. my love grows with every day. and i just pray na sana gumaling ako at bumilis ako at matapos ko ito agad para mas may time akong alagaan siya.

at 12 midnight, sinubmit ko na. di ako masaya, pero so relieved. earlier that morning, pagkagising ko, dasal ang inalmusal ko. at times when i didn't know shit about what i was gonna do, faith was all i could turn to. kaya sobrang pasasalamat ko kay god dahil somehow nairaos ko ang draft 1.

good luck to me...feedback meeting na bukas. mukhang mauubos ang weekend ko para sa draft 2. help me, god. please.

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