One More to Add to A Glitch in the Universe

One more to add...
...to a hundred or so cigarettes smoked in the past 3 years
...to 24 birthdays that mark a pseudo-existence
...to countless sleepless nights at work
...to the countless reality checks I've had regarding that person
...to the list of disappointing realizations I've had about that person
...to countless sweet-sad melancholy moments in the presence of that person
...to the list of things to finish if I were a conscientious mind
...to several wasted moments writing cathartic prose

On the night of my birthday I texted a friend on impulse. If everything were in perfect harmony, the universe will not evolve. Kung swak ang lahat, kung tugma ang lahat ng bagay, wala nang rason ang universe to continually struggle for harmony. So discord--those little glitches and mismatches--keeps the universe alive.

Pseudo-philo babble. But my friend knew where I was coming from, and he gave me the same damn sane advice that everyone's been offering up ever since. Ok. Got it. But life's a little boring without these little glitches, friend. I've become a semi-single tracked mind, the long-term dream has taken a temporary backseat for these little emotional distractions, but on the bright side, maybe I should be glad. Baka nga nakakatulong pa sa evolution ng universe ang katangahan ko.

I'm mad at myself, because that's a lot of bull. I know. A little research on the internet should tell me enough about what I don't really want to know about you. And a little refocusing and redirection should get me back in line. Hey! I live for the Dream. However I get there, by what medium or means. That's the purpose of my friggin pseudo existence.

Come to think of it, I don't really want to know everything about you. I don't want to know anything that would disillusion and hurt me. For as long as I'm not immune and neutral I will always be walled-in. It's a cul-de-sac I'm smashing myself into and really, how I LONG to be over this. Just as much as how I long to get a lot of important things done on my daily to-do list.

You're just another glitch in the universe. But I'm lying, actually. Life's boring without the glitches. Or maybe my universe has just become too small.

God, how I long to...
...get in bed and kiss the world good night (at 3pm)
...finish the things I need to do tonight
...watch a really good movie
...get my own laptop, TV, and a new pair of shoes
...go back to a pristine, beautiful beach with friends or family
...find time to make that storyboard for my next baby video project
...find time to reenergize
...find time to have a full 8-hour sleep--without the guilt
...be a sane person once again.