e sana natutulog ka na di ba

doing this dear-diary thingie is way too much fun.

i'm caught in a time warp these days. been caught in a time warp ever since. when on any ordinary time i would make a racket the center of my earth, now i'm just passing through. juggling ain't a talent for this bravura beeyatch.

"potah ka". that's what i heard. and it made me laugh. it reminds me of my lvn days with someone who had said that very same phrase. well, potah ka rin. hahaha.

the good thing about this day was that small scene i had unearthed from the reality-show footage we took yesterday, one involving two of my favorite (awwww) prince charmings in the show, alwyn and janus. they were backstage at the first heartbreak night and janus had cornered alwyn up against a wall, pretending to caress him. then he made a pseudo-gesture of kissing alwyn. alwyn gave him a playful shove. parang natauhan. OY PARE PARANG SERYOSO KA NA AH. hahahahaha.

the camera pans to jill beside the two boys. offscreen someone said, "jill o, si janus!" and jill replied, "ok lang, lalake naman si janus e." Ows! Sure ka dyan?

don't get me wrong, i think janus is hetero. after his little charade with carla's brother in his first date with carla, though, i realize that the homo-jokes have surfaced a bit too often (in the past three months) to not make one wonder.

pare pakiss. haha. i love gay jokes too much.

that scene above, by the way, is going to appear this sunday in the qpids offshoot show after FANATIC. ooh, i sound like a spark plug...sans the spark.

HOW I LONG TO...
...go back to the beach (still)
...watch BATMAN BEGINS
...get that avp thingiemajiggy done somehow
...have a good day with a big bright spot on it
...breeze past the next seven weeks in one piece
...quit the bad habits
...love requitedly
...flush the toxins out of me
...wake up tomorrow and realize that it's time to, what else, go back to the beach

dito na ang puso ko

i've changed my mind. i'm rooting for the janus-carla loveteam now. seventy-two hours of immersion in twenty tapes worth of footage from their first date (took place last saturday, in the pink city of marikina no less) will eventually do that to you. meeting alwyn around the abs compound today further convinced me that there's a cuter love story to follow in the JarLa teamup.

the only thing that can match the charisma of a mysterious good-lookin leading man type (think, er, mikel campos--carla's former other prince charming) is the disarming wit of a funny guy. janus is a classic example. he can make any bland situation interesting. his mix of wit and slapstick in the context of a love story holds you captive, mehn. it will make you laugh, even in the dreary wee hours. carla's a sweetface, but can't help wish that she'd have a genuine change of heart and fall for janus.

the loventure continues

And then there's Qpids. I'm rooting for the Jill-Alwyn loveteam. Would've been ideal if the guy digs the girl. Cause the girl really did dig him once.

They look nice together. There isn't a boring moment onscreen when they're together. If these two actually do fall in love behind the scenes, then a good portion of this girl's bubblegum-kilig romantic fantasies would have been lived out. Aww.

Today Janus and Carla are going on a date. This oughtta be hilarious.

thoughts to greet this sunny Saturday morning with

i know, waiting for that bright spot to materialize on a day that's not-so-bad will only drain the life out of me. i would rather post a self-directed survey on friendster to pass the time.

pass the time daw o! as if i would have the time to friggin do THAT. i would rather pass the time asleep. or cuddled up on a beanbag chair in front of my (perfectly-functioning, 14-inch) tv, watching an inspiring escapist movie. aha! my next project. all the tvs here at home are screwed up. how ironic that i just realized that two weeks ago, now that i'm working in television. and that beanbag chair is still bundled up in plastic at the showcase room of megamall.

what if i go to the fete dela musique tonight? sacrifice four or five hours that could be used to rest or start working on a script that's due in two days...in favor of the music and the company of friends i haven't seen in a long time? hard choice to make in these delicate times. knowing myself, i would only bleed from the pressure later. and then i'd go looking for that bright spot again. not lookin' forward to it. bad days must be survived without having to resort to coping mechanisms. and syet, bad days shouldn't come this way again, i pray. so goodbye, bright spot.

days would come when you wouldn't care to even comb your hair anymore. you simply have more urgent things to bother yourself with. so i wasn't surprised when a well-meaning college classmate (whom i'm working with now) matter-of-factly told me that she was willing to give me a makeover for free. haha! i wasn't surprised. i would give myself a makeover as well. and she was, after all, the stylist of that ultra-glam movie FENG SHUI. que horror...! not so sure, though, if i would want to look like Kris Aquino.

i happened by a band gig last night at megastrip (Fight Against Cancer charity thingie with guests Hale, Session Road, and other alternative rockers) and memories of the UP Fair came to mind. Suddenly I was sad, remembering someone. I'm always remembering things. I look back so much I should buy a rearview mirror.

what's with that bright spot anyway?

bright spot or a bad day

goodbye fete dela musique. won't be coming in this year. your day job can do the darndest things, i swear.

shot an avp today. i have no idea how i'll be able to squeeze in editing that thingie into my hectic barely-breathing schedule. let the lord organize my life for me. :-)

a bright spot on a bad day. you can't see the bright spot without having to go through the bad day. pwede bang yung bright spot na lang? para masaya. para walang katapusang golden days, like two years ago.

ramblings on a rainy night (or why i just had to write it out of me)

* Listening to Fiona Apple's throaty lulling voice. Her fault why I had to write this entry.
* It's the french spring once again. makes me remember of one year ago. Endless rain into a Coffee Bean and Green Tea cup...endless thoughts about some erstwhile special entity (a frog prince, it would turn out). Twas raining at that time. Rain and Fiona Apple can make you just...wanna stare out the window. Ramble on and on across the universe.
* Got a shoot tomorrow for a Gary Granada music video but i'm still up. I pray it doesn't rain. I pray we finish well and on time. I pray that this will turn out to be a landmark piece. Haha! High ambitions will only break your heart, honey. But the words really all just...roll off my tongue. Meaningless, empty. My hard drive's packed with data for the next minute. i live and breathe for the now and the temporary.
* If there's one thing about high school that I regret not having gone through it's young love. Awww. At 25 I realize that I might have missed somethin there (have I?). Being in love for the first time at 25 might not be the same as being in love for the first time at 16. (so that's the hazard of working around lots of young and beautiful people in love) S'okay. I learned the truth at 17, anyway.
* The rain can do strange things to you. It can to me. Suddenly I'm happy for some reason that I refuse to admit. I don't believe in happy endings anymore. I always get a shakeup. I always get jolted and before I know it I'm on the floor crying.
* Our show's on its third week and counting. The love stories are unfolding. What's exciting about them is that they're real. That's what happens when you bring together a bunch of teenagers, put in enough stimuli for romance. Awwww...
* Hohum sleepy. My head's throbbin like mad. Gotta go to bed now if I know what's good for that landmark piece.