past idiosyncrasy #2

speaking of past idiosyncrasies.

today someone asked me about the Hartshy Fartshy Dude. "Saffron, what do you think of ---?" of course the question could have meant a dozen different things, and the best answer of the innocent girl would've been, "What do you mean?" but the question sounded, ehem, suspicious to me, and in my guilt-ridden mind i automatically took it to mean that he was, well, asking if HFD was my type. haha.

i turned out to be right. because the follow-up question was, "type mo ba sya?".

"hindi," was my answer, donning on what i hoped was an innocent face. it was a lie and it wasn't. not a lie, because as a rule i don't dig those artsy-fartsy kewlie types. a lie, because when i first met him three years ago on that strange sunny afternoon, he had immediately become the exception.

my answer was accepted. no doubts, no skepticism. i did not have to further defend my answer (and why would i have to do that anyway? nuba!). and then i realized that one of the people in that table knew that i was lying. she'd been there when i'd told a couple of our friends about my schoolgirl thingie on this dude, way back when. her face showed me no reaction, though; nothing that said she was going to reveal what she knew. haha. thank god!

syempre, praning pa rin ako. di naman big deal, actually. a past idiosyncrasy was all that "crush" had been, like all the others. i inwardly reacted that way only because it was the first time that i had been asked something like that in front of a group. para kong na-corner. para kong in-interrogate about a past "sin". hehe. i felt guilty. cause i knew i could never say the truth.

haha. prude pa rin, hanggang ngayon.

"bakit mo naman natanong?" was my followup question to the person who'd asked.

"wala lang. kasi..." he paused. "wag na..." and then changed his mind. or wanted to make it appear like he did. "kasi dati tinanong nya dati sa kin, medyo matagal na yon. what do you think of saffron? wala ka pa yatang boyfriend non."

i nodded. the Friend Who Knew I Was Lying butted in, "type ka nya." haha. maybe if the circumstances were different i would've believed it. or wanted to believe it. but the praningerzi side of me couldn't help but think of a different scenario.

"saffron, what do you think of ---? type mo ba sya?"
"hindi. bakit mo naman natanong?"
"wala lang...kasi..." paused. THOUGHT BUBBLE: may nagbanggit kasi dati na may crush ka sa kanya eh. "wag na..." (sees the uber-curious, YOU-HAVE-TO-TELL-ME look in my eyes) THOUGHT BUBBLE: geez, she might freak out if i told her the truth. i have to make up something, fast. "kasi dati tinanong nya dati sa kin...what do you think of saffron?"

and that was the real story, really. haha. hindi malayong mangyari.

at this point, it doesn't really matter anyway. if i lied, if he lied, if i had had any chances with the Hartsy Fartsy Guy back then or no. past idiosyncrasy. all the untold truths and things-i-didn't-know (good AND bad) from the past are immaterial now.

makes me realize, too, how lucky i am now. because it had only taken a handful of harmless "past idiosyncrasies" before i became this happy.

thanks lord. i love it.