no rest for the slowpoke

week 6 done on friday night. week 7, begin asap. kahit wala pang directives.
kaloka ang life. so this is how it feels. ang tumao sa tindahan with only your boss bilang kasama. your world will revolve around the project. your life will be defined by deadlines. the project will be the last thing you think about at night and the first thing you think about in the morning. katatapos mo lang ng previous week, next week na agad ang iisipin mo.

but there are moments, rewarding moments, when i'm inside myself, immersed in the work, nakasakay sa jeep na umaarangkada. maraming nabubuo sa loob ng apat na sulok ng isang kwarto. maraming nabubuo nang di mo namamalayan. minsan ginagawa mo na lang sya on autopilot mode, pero by some miracle mas okay pa yung in-autopilot mo kesa dun sa kinarir mo. (subconscious writing? yun ba yun?). minsan maiisip mong bigla to throw in an element. and the element comes alive. pinasakay mo sila sa jeepney, pinaamoy mo sya sa t-shirt, pinag-date mo sila spontaneously, almost kiss, almost touch, nakulong sa cabinet, naisip mong ipasabi sa isang character ang isang linya, and then the next day everything falls into place pag pinapanood mo na... yung naisip mo spontaneously, nakikita mo na... nagrereact ang mga tao... sobrang bonus pa kung matuwa sila. minsan babalikan mo yung moment kung kailan mo yun naisip--- teka, antokyo japan na ako non, niraraos ko na lang nung time na yon para matapos na---and you realize the irony. minsan pala kahit pagod ka na hindi ka dapat tumitigil. kasi kahit akala mo wala nang mapipiga sa utak, meron pa pala. hindi ka lang conscious about it.

i'm in my adolescent stage as a writer for this format, yes. first time alone, emerging into adulthood on my own, and so far i'm enjoying the experience. with child like wonder.  for now i live and breathe for the show, i'm in there heart and soul. but will only be in there for as long as I need to. stressfull ang working conditions ng isang umeere, for all parties especially those on the field, and things most unexpected can happen. pag nawala ang isang artista, rewrite. buwag ang ginawa mo. ang sakit sa puso, grabeng panghihinayang. pero kakayanin kong magdetach. kakayanin kong idisown. to save myself from heartache. because life is short, and i have a life outside of work.

for now, though, fight fight fight. at the start of every week i am filled with hope---this week, i will meet my deadline. this week, i will submit early. this week, i will actually fulfill my promises. week 7.... magsasubmit tayo on time. AT MAGANDA. AT ON TIME. simula na ang mga pasabog. life and death na ito. beyond kilig, beyond almost kisses, beyond car chases. time to live inside myself again, and put everything else (including life) on hold.

lord, help us with week 7. 7 weeks na lang... LETS DO THISSS!!!!